My wife and I have been married for 6 yrs. Recently, she told me that she has lost that loving feeling for me and that she no longer felt for our relationship. She felt that we were simply going through the day in and outs of marriage and that there was little meaning to it.

She said that I have neglected her need for affection and care for a while (we've talked about this on and off), and that it came to a point now that she wants like ending it all and move on

I was very heart broken. I've never felt so bad before, and never thought that I have done so much harm to the relationship. She also admitted that with that, she has stopped loving me and thus stopped putting in effort. But I still love her a lot and this came as a big blow to me.

We had very emotional talks and decided that we will give this a try. She said she will try, but she does not know how lost love can so easily be regained. We've been doing 'ok ' for the past 2 weeks, but last night when I asked her how she thinks we were doing, she said that she felt she was trying, but it was like going through the motions without much feeling. She was doing this to make me feel less sad about the whole episode

I'm really stuck, I've been trying real hard to regain what we had because I really do love her, but what can I do to make he feel for me and love me back again? She's trying too- I know, but at the same time she's also admitting it's tough because she has stopped loving me...

What should I do? What can we do? I've read the Emotional needs segment, I can do that easily, cos I do love her, but if she doesn not feel for me or love me.... can she- even though she is trying?

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I'm glad you found us. Is there any chance that there is another man somewhere in the picture?

Do you have any children?

bummer,

Read all of the basic concepts. It can show you how to rebuild love where none exists. Get a copy of "His Needs/Her Needs" from this site or other source and read it. You can also print out the Emotional Needs Questionnaire and give a copy to your wife. Each fill it out and then discuss and search for a plan to address those needs.

You do need to be certain that there is not another man involved in some way. It is often a sign of an emotional attachment to someone else when a person begins to state that they are no longer in love with their spouse. It is usually followed by statements about how this has been the case for ____(fill in the blank) years and about too much having happened to make it worth trying to resolve now.

If your wife is willing to work on resolving this issue, jump on the chance. Read the Basic Concepts here and search for a marriage counselor that is familiar with Dr Harley's concepts. Though it is expensive, you may want to consider phone counseling with the Harleys.

Mark

Both of you are right... She did have an emotiuonal affair for 2 mths before I found out. It was a colleague of hers in the company. I found out when I read her messages on the phone. It was ugly an emotionally charged moment. She was sorry about it, and she said she knew it was wrong but she felt that I wasn't fulfilling her emotionally and there was no depth in our marriage thus she allowed this to happen to fill the gap. The other guy is married with 2 kids. We are married- no kids.

This was 1.5 mths ago. She promised that there was closre between them, plus she has quit her job immedietely because of this- I belive her because I know she's firm believer of not breaking up a family

She said her love for me had been dying for a while and thought that there was no point and hope in it to move on. In fact, she wanted a divorce shortly after the discovery even though the episode with the 3rd party has ended because she simply felt she could not love me.

There were alot of emotions (both -ve and +ve) before she decided that she will give this a try, even though there was little love left in her for me. She said she still cared for me, just not love. As for me, I love her, and all I want to do is to regain her...

The 1.5 mths has been trying... 2 days good, 1 day bad... I know she's trying, but every now and then I can sense and sometimes she will tell me that it's not working because sometimes, she's simply forcing herself to be loving to me and it suffocates her. But sometimes, it was like we were back to the good old days... But so far, it's been more luke warm and -ve then +ve... Everytime we talk about it she said that it's dificult, but she's trying...

It's really tough on me. I've giving my all, but am suffering when I see that she does not want it sometimes.

Is it possible to regain love once lost? What are the chances? I've read this entire website. She has read it too. I belive she knows and I know the logic, but when the feelings and emotions come in... it's very difficult...

"She said her love for me had been dying for a while and thought that there was no point and hope in it to move on. In fact, she wanted a divorce shortly after the discovery even though the episode with the 3rd party has ended because she simply felt she could not love me."

Ho-hum (yawn)...... That is the exact same thing they all say. The marriage might have had problems that left it open to an affair, but the affair is what caused her to want a divorce. If she is still having no contact with him, the love will return.

It is very unusual for the wayward to be so willing to have no contact, and quit their job, so I am very hopeful.

Please start in Plan A, meeting her needs, with no angry outbursts or disrespectful judgements. Spend 15 hours doing fun things together each week - like when you were dating. Also, move over to general questions, where there is more traffic.