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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3 |
I have been married for about 6 months. I am 25 and my husband is 27. He gets laid off in the winter months. We took our honeymoon in the end of January. It was great. We were going to work on having kids, until I caught him hitting on women online two weeks after our honeymoon. I confronted him and he said I was controlling and negative. Mind you he is not working and has depression problems. So I have changed and he admits it. But he is still spending tons of time with his friends and still talking to women online. What to do?
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,300
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Member
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,300 |
Petry,
You won't like what I'm going to say ... you're 25. You have no children. He's talking to women online two weeks after your honeymoon? You confronted him, and he's still doing it?
Frankly, I would get out of the marriage now.
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,160
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Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 2,160 |
Ditto. While you're still (effectively) on your honeymoon, he's cruising for other women? Depression is a handy excuse, but it's pretty weak. Drop him, Petry, and find a real man. Life's way too short to waste it on pond scum.
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 739
Member
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Member
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 739 |
Pleeease DO NOT consider having children now, or in the near future!
I would not recommend you having a pet with the issues you are dealing with this early in your M.
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 165
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Member
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 165 |
Petry, I am sorry that you find yourself in this position. Please listen to the advice of the folks here as there is a lot of collective experience to draw on. I am a newbie, and a BH.
My WW began her affairing when were married just over 2 years. At that time we did not have kids. When we were married almost 5 years we almost got a D. I didn't know about the affairing then. As we discussed this history, I asked her why didn't you just divorce me when this started? Then when we were on the brink of D, why didn't you tell me about the A? We didn;t have kids and I would not have wooed her if I knew about the A. Now we have two kids and I need to know that I did everything I was capable of to make sure they have a happy and safe home. I am working on that home include their mother. I think about D a lot though. A lot. I wish I knew that she had my best interests in mind. I wish I didn't have to look at every single thing in my home and think, about how her affairing colored the decisions that we made as a "married" couple.
My point in telling you this is that without kids, entangled finances and all the complications that come with those, you have the opportunity to learn from this mistake and start fresh. Wayward spouses are crafty and they do not abide the same values that humans do. So you will end up always doubting, always double checking always snooping to protect yourself. It is an exhausting way to live, spare yourself that pain.
Don't snap to a judgement though, maybe it would be a good idea to buy Surviving an Affair Lovebusters His Needs Her Needs
Read these titles and see if the concepts make sense to you. If they do discuss them with your WH and then if he professes to agree, observe how he follows through. does he give lip service and try to manipulate you by telling you that you are too controlling or does he build the habits that you both need for a successful marriage.
Please whatever you decide to do, get educated and do not repeat the mistakes that so many of here have. the concepts in these books will help you build you marriage with your current H or with a new one. You do not deserve the treatment that you are currently getting and if you are getting it now, what can you expect when the shine or newness is off?
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