Here's my story. Married for 24 years to a successful artist/businesswoman with three kids. Last summer I stumbled into an email she received that confirmed her identity on a secret "flirt" website. She was signed up by a guy in Washington, D.C. Pouring through her cell phone records, I find that she has been talking to this guy daily (up to 16 calls a day) and at night when I'm out of town, and hooking up with him in NYC where he had an apartment.
Wife confesses to relationship with a former teenage boyfriend that started with him sending her complimentary, over-the-top emails five years ago. She admitted that this guy told her repeatedly that he was a "sex addict" and was consumed with my wife "being 13 years old." But, somehow, my wife wants me to believe that while she talked to this guy daily for five years, met him in NYC 6 or 9 times per year and had midnight conversations with him when I was out of town, the affair only when so far -- says she "only" had sex with him once and he couldn't perform. My wife wants me to believe that the whole thing was a flirt and she was just "playing a game" with him.
I'm not buying it and she knows it. I've asked her to explain to me what, exactly, was going on. I need to know so I can decide how to respond. I told her that never in our marriage did she reach out to me like she did to this guy. She has promised me and a MC that she will come clean, in writing because she can't verbalize the situation.
Here's what I think: this guy pursued my wife because he is in an unhappy marriage (at least he told my wife he was) to a psychiatrist in D.C. He directed emails and calls and soon they were in a full affair with all the secrecy, deception, lies. This guy, who is rich enough to afford an apartment in NYC for his business travel, is one sick guy. He's focused on pre-teen bodies (my wife tells me this) and I think he is probably a serial sexual predator who is capable of being caught on one of those Saturday night television shows that tricks guys like him into visiting little girls.
I still don't have a credible story of what went on between them -- only cell phone bills listing literally thousands of calls between them with clear hookups in NYC everytime she went there.
Because I think that this guy is a predator and because I think his wife, the fancy physchiatrist, knows much more than I do about him, I'd like to call her and ask her if can help me understand the relationship between her husband and my wife. Not threatening, just exploratory.
I'll bet that she'll know something and be just as relieved as me to talk about this guy.
Right now my wife seems incredibly remorseful and attentive. She is horrified that I'd want to talk to OM's wife. Her current attentiveness to me and our marriage is a marked difference from what I went through over the past five years when I was marginalized. We had no sex, little intimacy and she was judgemental of me on everything, it seemed.
So, bottom line: I'd say our marriage is on the way to recovery.
