I've been reading the postings in the forums and I'm curious about something. I see where some husbands or wifes have left their spouses for the other person...how do you do a Plan A if they have left and refuse all contact with you? Is it even possible?

I read the 5 Love Languages book after my D-Day, and learned that giving gifts is a "love language". If the WS refuses all contact, then try sending gifts. I would recommend gifts just for them, not anything romantic or necessarily something you would give a spouse. For example, I gave to my WW a DVD of a movie I know she likes, a t-shirt with a theme she's into, but no flowers, initimate wear, tix to cruise, etc.

In my sitch, I still have contact with my WW, mostly b/c we have 2 kids. Can you give us more details on your sitch? Has your WS refused absolutely any and all contact? There must be some opportunities where contact is made, even if it's soley for business, like picking up things left behind. If any such opportunities do come up, make the most of it and maybe complement the WS on how good they look, be extra nice, and ask how they are doing out of genuine concern for them.

The vets here describe as part of Plan A taking care of yourself. Can you lose some extra pounds? Could you use some new clothes? Make it a point that if the WS should ever make contact with you again, that they see you as happy and physically attractive, make 'em think twice about leaving you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I was just curious about what people do if they have no contact. I had been reading postings where some of the husbands or wifes had moved out and were refusing any contact.

I am finding myself moving rapidly into this situation. WH hasn't moved out yet but plans are in motion and he'll probably be gone by the end of the month. He's moving in with OW. Currently, he's refusing to discuss anything other than separation details (who gets what). I did write him a letter but if it had any effect I can't tell.

I'm having extreme difficulty with Plan A part of improving myself. I am so utterly devastated by this whole thing. I had no idea that we had any problems at all until he came home and announced that he didn't love me anymore and hasn't loved me in years (it took him 5 days to admit to the A). I am an emotional wreck and spontaneously burst into tears quite frequently. Discussing separation details only makes it worse. It has been 2 1/2 weeks and it still hurts as much as the first day. Now he only sees me crying and to actually make any self improvements is just beyond my current capabilities. I fear he'll be gone before I get a hold of myself and he's made it clear that once he's gone he wants no further contact. He'll be moving in with her so sending gifts is not an option, nor is sending/calling his work as they work together. The A is exposed and it doesn't seem to affect him. Friends tell me I need to change my feelings for him so that I can accept this but I can't. I'm in counselling but it's going to take more time for me to heal than I have. What can I do?

Tabby,
Please post your question on the General Quesrions II forum. You will get responses from the pros here on MB and hopefully they will be able to help you. Good luck.

Diana

see a physician and get started on some anti-depressant .... you'll think more clearly when the shock & awe is chemically neutered for your nervous system

YOU will get more responses if you post on the infidelity general questions forum

I too have this problem. A blown up. OM back with OMW. OMW and I in contact weekly. No unaccounted time or ph calls for OM. No way for OMW to be 100% sure of NC but, if NC broken then only a sweet nothing on the ph now and then. WW moved into own apt 1 month ago. Very little contact since then. Will not talk to church members, IL's or any mutual friends. Only interacts with DS13. DS15 and DS19 do not want to interact with her. Flees the house when I walk in the door. Never any violence, No verbal violence. Few arguments (part of the problem?).