Hi,

I have been reading just about every post I can on here and keep seeing stories about how WS's act during different stages of the affair and am trying to figure out what each means

For example, what do the following actions indicate (ie, the answers I am looking for are: affair is strong, WS is no longer seeing OM, WS is going through withdrawal, WS is opening up to you, etc.):

1. When WS is angry, says hurtful things, seems to want you to die with their words, will say anything to hurt you as deep as possible?

2. When WS is bitter and angry and just wants you to go away and disappear, but does not say hurtful things?

3. When WS shows openings of letting you in, almost as if they are not wayward anymore?

4. WS initiates contact with you and conversations are relatively pleasant and not attacking?

5. WS ignores your contact, or BS has to initiate contact and WS only initiates contact every once in awhile and only after BS stops making contact?

6. WS says "I don't love you anymore and I want to try to work things out, but I can't make myself want to?

7. WS continually blows BS off for plans, even though WS agreed to them earlier?

8. WS is just generally agitated at everything and anything and would like nothing more than to be away from you or get off the phone?

9. BS spends time with WS after WS agreed to see BS, and WS is distant, not talkative and indifferent, but not angry or hurtful.

10. WS refuses to let BS in WS's life at all and refuses any contact or advances for plans to get together.

11. WS and BS spend time together and generally have a good time. WS and BS kiss and laugh and are close together the entire night?

12. WS is still lying, and caught lying, yet says they are no longer seeing OM and the "affair is over", and BS has proof OP has not contacted WS in some time.

I understand their are no clear cut answers for some of these, but given the descriptions, where, in your mind, do you believe the WS in their affair? Withdrawal, full fledge affair, still seeing OP limited, OP has cut off contact with them but they long to be with them, etc?

Just general thoughts would be great. I think this could be a good barometer for us BS's so we can see where we are at in the process, without having to lovebust and ask these questions during plan A. Looking for answers for those of you who have been through the wars!

VS

Well, before I answer your questions, I want you 2 consider not getting your bowels in an uproar over what fog latin means - because it can't and shouldn't be translated in2 plain english. And it'll just make you crazy 2 try.


The good news is that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. If she didn't care about you, she wouldn't say anything at all. You'd simply never hear from her again.


Same answer.


Same answer. This proves it's true, 2. If she didn't care about you, these "openings" wouldn't happen either.


Same answer as for 3, above.


Same as 3 and 4.


WS doesn't know that love is a choice, not a feeling.


2 get you riled. Works, doesn't it?


Same answer as 1-5


Are you asking what it means that you spend time with her, or her reaction 2 you when you do? If the latter, same answer as 1-5.


WS is indifferent 2 you, the opposite of love. But she doesn't really do that, does she? At least, not for more than a week at a time (thus far).


WS isn't indifferent 2 BS. BS isn't indifferent 2 WS. WS is still conflicted, otherwise this behavior would be the norm, or at least wouldn't surprise you.


Then you know her track record, and you can predict the fu2re with some reliability. If she hopes 2 be trusted again, she's got 2 be trustworthy for a considerable period of time (like the rest of her life).


Until and if she ever convinces you 2 your satisfaction that she is no longer in contact and no longer works with the OM, then the safest assumption is that the A is still going on - which it is.

-ol' 2long

Often they are trying to pick a fight so they you will get upset. Then can blame you for all the trouble *and* have the added advantage of getting kicked out so they can go be with OP.


Ignoring you often gets the reaction described above, just as picking a fight does.


Wants to make sure you are still dangling on the end of the string and are still around as the backup plan.



Is feeling confident that you are being strung along and are still around as the backup plan. Also enjoying the fact that they've got both a spouse and an OP.



You're being strung along nicely, aren't you? No need to contact you except once in a while to throw you a crumb and make sure you're still dangling.


"Here's another crumb of hope. Start working real, real hard at meeing my ENs so I can still enjoy both you and OP and maybe I'll throw you another crumb."


"Are you still dangling? Am I still totally in control of all this? Good!"


OP is waiting (obviously.) Just keep dangling and you'll get your crumb later.


"You'll do as a second-string player until OP is available again."


The OP is either really, really meeting those ENs or is really, really starting to make trouble.


OP is probably out of town so WS is enjoying the second string (and really really enjoying having both).


Not clear on this one - but if they're still lying, it just means, "Stop trying to interfere with me having my cake and eating it too."
Mulan