My husband works 4 days on and 4 days off. When he is working I see him about 2 hours a day. On the days that he is off I am usually working and when I get home he is doing something with a friend. The next day he is with another friend and so on. I do good if I can get him to spend one evening with me. I am just not as fun as his friends are. They go fishing, hunting, riding horses, ect. When he does spend time with me we enjoy each others company (laughing and kidding around with each other). I know for a fact that he is where is says he is, that he is not seeing someone else. It is just that he likes to have fun and some friend will call every day wanting him to do something. How can I compete with this? How can I get him to want to spend more time with me? I have tried to get involved with his interests but his friends always seem to come first. I am getting very lonely and bored by myself all the time. Please advise me!

Hi helpus22, I would maybe ask your husband something like "Hey - let's go fishing(or hunt, or ride horses)" I know you have tried this and his friends have come first, but maybe try it again, and once you set a date ask him questions like, where do I buy bait and how much do I need - ask him what kind of meal you can prepare to take with you guys. ALso, a book that I have found most helpful is called "Five Love Languages". . . Hope this helps.

I am having the exact same issue. My husband has recently joined the motorcycle ministry at his church and they can call him up at the drop of a hat and he will be out the door to go riding. When I tell him how I feel as far as him spending more time with them and virtually no time with me and the kids, he says that I am being selfish and nagging. I am not really understanding how that is being selfish when we are in this rut partly b/c of his inattentiveness to me and his kids. I just don't know what to do or where to turn. I love my husband but I am really starting to feel like I deserve so much more. We are working with a couple for his church who are helping us work through the emotional needs questionnaire. So far we only got through the first two sections. I am almost afraid to attempt to go through the other parts without the facilitators there b/c more than likely it will blow up into a terrible arguement. UGH! I pray all the time and I am just at a loss for words at this point.

Thanks for the response. I think that I will buy the book cause nothing else seems to work.

I have a similiar situation and have been wondering if I am being totally ridiculous and need some advice. In Nov. I discovered that my H had been having what he claims to be an EA, for a 2 years. As far as I know, he ended it. During the A he started drinking a lot and going to bars a lot. He has slowed a little in hs drinking and frequenting bars. But, I recently saw his credit card statement and he is going to bars more than he lets me know. Most of the time he is home for dinner, and this is how he justifies his behavior. I do not think he should be hanging out in bars at all. Especially if he should be home with me and the kids. Am I being selfish? I have about had it with his behavior. Do men really need this "man" time to cope? I do not care if he is golfing with friends, it is the bar and drinking I have a problem with. Please help before I say something I regret to my FWH.

I can relate to the motorcycle ministry, my husband is into the same thing. He took 23 days vacation recently and I saw him all of 2 days of it. Between RA Camp(our kids are adults) , 2 motorcycle rallies with his brother and friend from work (both guys are repulsive bigots so I refuse to be around them) and rides in the Hill Country and M/C events, it was real lonely around here. I used to ride but due to medical problems I am unable to go on long rides on the Harley. I used to follow in the car but gas prices cut into that too. We live in a rural area so I am usually stuck here with the dogs as my only company.

He refuses to stay home or go anywhere that I choose. Since I am unable to work it's usually just me, this computer and the hounds.