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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 473
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I have been posting for awhile here, mostly on the emotional needs section, but i guess this forum is more active so I REALLY NEED HELP! To put it as briefly as possible ( you can search my old posts for all info) but anyways, I have been married 5 1/2 yrs, its always been rocky looking back now. Mainly H lies and flirts and then does stupid things such as getting womens phone #, actually meeting an old online GF and keepng in touch for over 2 yrs behind my back & more of the same behind my back stuff etc..well the latest is that we moved to Illinois last year, he had to go back to Fl to get the rest of our stuff, I stayed here. He made 3 of these trips. Last week I was going to visit my son and was using one of the suitcases H used to go to Fl last August and I found a note with a womans name , phone number and the message " call me I like to meet new people". I confronted H when I found the note. He acted like he didnt know anything about it and then I showed it to him and it was in his handwritting, finally he said it was a woman he was chatting with while waiting in line at a restaurant in FL and she gave him her phone #. He denies calling her, and says he doesnt know why he wrote it down. he was all apologetic but the fact remains, that once again he lied and did stuff behind my back. I left on my trip that same morning, so we couldnt get really into it, but i called the phone number several times, finally someone answered, It was this womans mother. Turns out the "woman" is only 19 yrs old. H told me , "oh she is about our age I guess, He is sooooo full of BS if he thinks a 19 yr old looks in her 40's!!! But anyways, the mother told me that the girl "PAM" was always in and out and that she couldnt tell me when i could call back to talk to her.
I have now been back from my trip ( I was gone 6 days) and for the last 3 days I have been trying to talk to H and get this out in the air..This morning we had a short talk, and he says "i may have a problem" I dont know why I do these things, I dont mean to hurt you, I have never had sex with any other woman..etc etc etc . But he has lied and done things with other women behind my back, but I have always caught him. he goes on to say that maybe he needs to feel sexy and good looking and maybe that when other women come on to him, he feels good looking. I told him that he was good looking and I think he is very sexy and that I tell him that all the time. He responds, well I dont feel that way, and I never have thought I was attractive. Damn!! So now what????? Do I have to put up with his flirting and lies and sneeking around with other women so he can feel "SEXY"????
I dont know what else to do. I love him but am tired of letting my guard down and then getting slapped in the face when I find that he has pulled another one of his little women scams.
He told me that he is going to get help and see whats wrong with him, he says he will get on here and see if someone can help him etc ...but I just dont know what to do.
He says he loves me and doesnt want out of the marriage..

please any advise????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />


Met 6/2000
Married 10/2001
Separated 4/2008
Moved back in with H on 10-29-09 Its a struggle so far.
Me 56
H 57
Joined: Jan 2001
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Call the girl's mom and let her know her daughter is trying to have dates or sex with men old enough t/b her father.

Let your H know the he either shows you what it means to save his M because right now you aren't feeling very safe living with a liar.

Use the trust factor not the love factor. Then get yourself into counseling fast. Call Steve.

Mine said the same babble. It was a ploy to continue his ways. When I no longer believed his words, he started to worry. That's a good thing.

L.

Joined: May 2004
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thxs for the reply.i did speak with the mother and told her that my husband is almost 50..it didnt seem to phase her..she told me that her daughter comes and go's and couldnt tell me when I could reach her...

I have told H this morning that I will NOT put up with his lying and possible cheating anymore. He has said he will come and check out this web site.
I dont think its a sex addiction, because we rarely have sex , maybe if I am lucky every 2-3 months..Ughhhh and he keeps saying that he hasnt had sex with anyone since we got together ( not sure if I believe him or not on this one)

Should I try a cold shoulder approach now?? Yet keep my eyes open???
I just dont know, I feel lost and angry.


Met 6/2000
Married 10/2001
Separated 4/2008
Moved back in with H on 10-29-09 Its a struggle so far.
Me 56
H 57
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,693
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Joined: Apr 2006
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Luly,

Quote
actually meeting an old online GF and keepng in touch for over 2 yrs behind my back & more of the same behind my back stuff etc


Umm this sounds like an EA and the rest sound like attempts at full on PA's.

Just my opinion on that.

By the way my FWW was a chronic "harmless" flirter until she ended up in bed with a guy she flirted with.

OOPS.


BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby


When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 473
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Posts: 473
Well I have been back for almost a week, and H has not yet gotten on this forum to try and start working on the relattionship. ( I really didnt expect him to) He is acting like nothing, we havent sat down again to fully discuss the situation and the little 19 yr old BIMBO in FL has not returned my calls. So I dont know where to go from here. H keep denying anything sexual. He did tell me that he has always thought he was "average" and not good looking. Maybe thats why he needs to flirt and see if women respond to him although he swears that NOTHING HAS EVER HAPPENED...
I just want to scream and let him know how much I am hurt and sick and tired of this stuff popping up when I least expect it. I can never let me guard down, just when I start to think he is settled and going to stay faithful , some bimbo pops into the picture and he gets caught..
I feel alot of anger and resentment towards him, but I do love him. Not sure what to do and not sure if I want to wait and see if he does get some help to find out what his problem is.
PLEASE give me some advise , should I just act cool towards him adn give him some time? Or she I put my foot down and get him to move his butt into gear and show me that he really wants to work on this marriage?


Met 6/2000
Married 10/2001
Separated 4/2008
Moved back in with H on 10-29-09 Its a struggle so far.
Me 56
H 57

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