I have been divorced for 2yrs and my exhusband and I have never really been "divorced". We have four children and we still love and depend on each other. He didnt want me out of his life although I hated him for a long time. I went over seas last last year and the way he treated me made me start to love him all over again. I thought that we were trying to work things out. He met someone else through a blind date(dont care except I thought he was focusing on me). Now he is not sure that he wants me back. I thought he had stop speaking to this woman and one night she called on his cell phone and he told her that I was home. She asked if we were sleeping together he said NO and I heard him. He said he never tells other people that we sleep together he is not comfortable talking about that. This last week I found out that he is still talking to her saw her and dropped her cousin off at the house. I figured it out. I left the house last weekend for two days and have decided to move out. I am so heartbroken can someone give me some words of wisdom. You dont have to tell me to move on because I have but I hurt so much. He says that he does not want to hurt her feelings, he has never slept with her(took me to the doctor with him to get checked for every known disease)and said that I have it all wrong. I told him that I do not want him back but deep down I do but I know that I deserve someone that would not deny me. Has anyone been in this situation before? davislad38@aol.com

I am sorry to hear of your situation.

What is it that you are wanting? You say that you are hurt and angry and want nothing more to do with him, but I'm sensing and feeling that isn't really what you are desiring here?

If you just want to get past the hurt as you say in your post, then I suggest you give yourself a season to cry and let the hurt out. You can't simply turn it off and deny it. If you try, it is my opinion that it'll just linger and build up and eat at you and poison your next relationship (and the one after that and the one after that and the one after that).

If you really want him back, then get the book Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson. He has to first get rid of that woman, sleeping with her or not (and I wouldn't believe for a moment that he isn't). And that choice has to come from him, not from you insisting on it. Until then, I say its the cold shoulder, no matter how much you really want him back. Anything less than that and you will be living a lie. He will be checked out emotionally.

Remember, we men do some really stupid things and unfortunately, we do them all too often. And sometimes we really hurt the woman that mean the most to us. And every once in a while (maybe not that often), we wake up and realize it and we would give the world to show those woman how sincere we are. Sometimes the best marriages follow the worst of circumstances. But it has to start with him. You can't make those changes for him.

I like this particular article, especially the section where it talks about new and improved marriages further down in it:

http://www.journeythroughdivorce.com/200...riage-problems/

These are my opinions and are in no way professional. I am the product of 3 failed marriages and so my advice may be completely worthless. Take it for what its worth.

Thank you third divorce. I have decided to move on with my life. I keep looking back and seeing how I have been manipulated to stay in this mans life. He is also confused and what I am looking for he just is incapable of giving me. He even told me that I have loved him more than he has ever deserved. I think this was God knocking me up against my head. I found a place and should be moving within the next two weeks once the place is ready for me. I do not want to waste anymore time. I will be fourty this yr and have been with him since HS. I have been through this same scenerio before and do not want to go through it again. I do not speak to him unless I have too so he knows that I mean what I say. Do I love him? yes but whats love got to do with it? Take care hopefully God will send me the man after his own heart one day.

Can't deal with or without him. A *** of a place to be. No you were not manipulated you allowed yourself to be manipulated. Blaming others is a dead end road. There are always choices in life. Even if some one is holding a gun to you head you still have a choice. Might not be a great choice but there still is a choice.

I disagree. Most of the time, one is unaware one is being manipulated at the time it occurs. Because of this unawareness, one is unable to chose to be manipulated. It's as if the gun were at your head, but invisible.

Even if you were unaware of the manipulation at the exact moment it occurs I am fairly certain right after it occurs some sign (like resentment, wait a minuete,etc) would happen. If you continue to go along with it then you are making a choice. Blaming the other is a refusal to grow. I (and most other people) are guilty of that. But now I try to call it when someone tries it. That is why I like the theory of Boundaries so much. One can not control others behavior but you CAN control what you will accept or reject.