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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 70
Member
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OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 70 |
Hi everyone. Many years of struggling to get our marriage under control. H had PA several years ago, I haven't been able to get over it--just on cruise control. It's awful but I have really been trying.
H has a woman friend who he will do anything for. If she asks him to go for coffee he will go--even if I am unhappy that he is doing that. Especially when I am at work all day!! He is in a community band with her and they discuss music issues etc. he says.
I am in knots over this. I have made my feelings clear. I don't want him out with her (She is often driving him/picking him up, at places he is, some emailing etc.)
HOw do I set a boundary here? I have had fights about this--it only causes him to 'go underground" and I'll find out later that he had coffee with her.
He insists that they have a lot in common and a lot to talk about. I feel so weird about this.
I feel sick to my stomache. Please help.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093
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Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,093 |
Start spying. That's what I would do. Trust your instincts.
Check his email, and put a keylogger on the computer so you can find out what they talk about if you don't have access to his email. Don't get caught doing this. Look for the "Spying 101" thread on this forum.
Find out online through or through your cellphone bills how much they are talking by cell phone. Again, don't let on that you are checking up on him. Also, check the text messages and what they say if you get a chance.
I would suspect at least an Emotional Affair (EA) if not a Physical Affair (PA) here. His reluctance to stop is a big signal that something is amiss, especially since he does not care that it bothers you so much.
Can you follow him discreetly and watch them together to see their behavior? Have you tried this?
The experts will be along soon with more advice, I'm sure.
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 16
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 16 |
it's still an affair. An emotional affair. Those ones can suck more than the PA's. There is something not right that you continue to express your discomfort and he continues to ignore it.
I think a heart to heart and an ultimatum is in order. Of course it's much easier for me to say, then for you to do, I'm sure.....so my thoughts are with you.
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because
they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come
along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
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