Hi,
I read His Needs...Lovebusters(now). I've been married for fifteen years and don't believe I've ever been in love or sexually attracted to my husband.. My husband and I could have slept in the same bed when we were dating and NOTHING would have happened! I tried canceling the wedding but he said everything would work out. We knew each other three weeks before we got married, pen pals 7 months.We've had a tulmultous marriage. We have both been to Bible school. He was a minister, now in the military full time. I'm home with two children ages 13 and 11 and a half .He is not phyically demonstrative except when he wants sex. Then he's nice only during the day before and on. He viewed pornography before we were dating and while we were dating. He says it was to "know what to do". He's a major pack rat and we pay for storage in other states. He also has other eccentric habits . So do I... He grew up in a large farm family , oldest of nine. I'm youngest of five. He has gossipped about me behind my back and publically humiliated me when he was a minister, writing letters against me without going to me first. I've wanted out but believe it is best to hang in there for the children . We both read His needs/Her needs and found some of our problems. He put it to practice for a few weeks and has now let it slide. I'm reading love busters now and listen to your show. He doesn't have time. He's totally committed to the military at this time, on his way to Germany for two weeks next Friday.
In general we don't want to do things together or be together . He never initiates time together. I have to. I married him for reasons other than love.
He says that I am always trying to control him and tell him what to do (perhaps he's right )and he has never made an attempt to be affectionate with me first or initiate a converstation . He is not open and honest and has at least three email accounts. I don't get to see them. He says one is top secret military. He does not share his finances(pay ect...) with me either. He is very territorial . I think we just got married just to say we did. He was almost 37 when we got married and I was 30.
How do I build a romantic relationship that never was?
I don't want to be another divorce statistic and think it could head there(50% chance) . He is secretive with his feelings but I don't think he has had an affair.I did catch him on several porn sites a few years ago but he has the deletes working now on the computer so I don't know what's going on. There are two sides to every story and I take 50% of the blame but could use some advice.

Respectfully,
Lauren

One other thing I want to add is that this is both of our first marriage, children are both ours. He was a virgin when he got married. I was celebete for ten years before we got married, right up until after our wedding. When he came back from military school Feb 2007 he had been gone a month. I was taking a walk down the road from my house and I saw him driving home. I stopped and flagged him down. He drove right by me. It hurt so much.
Lauren