I just though a if the experienced people here could list all the typical behaiviors to be expected of a WS in one place it would be a great referance for all the newbies and those in the SH*T.. It would be a benifit to be able to know what to expect rather then reacting to it...

Just an idea...


Jim

1. "I love you but am not in love with you."
2. "I have been unhappy for years...
3. total, shocking rewriting of history about how BAD the marriage was "for years"
4. detachment
5. sneakiness
6. hostility towards BS
7. "I need space"
8. sudden interest in appearance, weight loss, etc
9. no interest in sex

Execlent start

1 We shouldn't have gotten married, it ruined it
2 I need space
3 Trail speration that became I want a divorce on exit
4 Radical change is style of dress, music, attitudes
5 BS is is at fault for everything
6 BS is crazy, nuts what ever
7 BS is a control freak...
8 i am not the marrying kind

How about sneaking downstairs to use the computer in the middle of the night, and shutting it down "real quick like," should someone walk by ...

Lines to watch out for:

1. Suddenly staying late "at work" - "Can't you be happy for me that I'm excited about my job again?"
2. "We're working on a project; she had to call me to talk about it..."
3. "We're just friends..."
4. "I could never be interested in her; she's (fill in the adjectives)
5. "Even if I was interested in her, how could we get together? I come home every night."
6. "I swear on (fill in the blank - your health, children, etc.) I'm telling you the truth."
7. "I'm telling you the truth. If you can't trust me, maybe you should get some help..."

brokenvase

"Are you having an affair?"
"C'mon. When would I even have TIME for an affair?"

Been a long time but...

* A WS can hardly ever look you in the eyes.
* Sudden (created) need to "run to the store", then gone for hours.
* Goofy questions..."do you think a person can love two people at the same time", "do you think mankind has evolved to where marriage isn't supposed to last forever?"
* Lies, always the constant lying
* Excuses for not being home
* Leaving the room when the cell phone rings (privacy)
* Trashing marital history...we haven't got along for 97 years.
* He just a friend.
* We just talk
* He "really" listens to me
* He cares about my opinion, unlike you
* This won't affect the kids
* If you had only...
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
...then I wouldn't have had to go to someone else.

* Start fights for NO apparent reason, in attack mode.
* Won't initiate or respond to intimacy
* Scans parking lots of places the OP hangs out when you drive by, thinking their being sly.

That's enough, it's kind of painful to remember all the CRAP.

SD

Another question then....

How do you know when a W spouse is coming OUT of the fog???? Is there anyway (that is just as scripted), is it sudden? Do you KNOW when it is happening? I am curious....

Sadmo

They will look you in the eye, and you won't see the dead "shark" eye look. You'll see the spouse you knew before the A. But beware, because during withdrawal, they can pop in and out of the fog, and most do succomb to the pull of the OP, at least a few times before NC is established.

Sadmo, when they stop sounding like a nutjob, and start sounding like their normal self, you know the fog is leaving.

money disappearing without explaination

Unexplainable and Unpredictable MOOD SWINGS...

Cell Phone turned off in the middle of the day...

Suddenly beginning to stop wearing wedding ring...

Sleeping on the edge of the bed..trying not to touch you...

Working later and later and later..coming home moody..after cell phone has been turned off all evening..wedding ring is off..goes straight to bed, sleeping on the edge..not touching you..NO SF... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Yes, yes, yes SD.

From me during the A:

Work problems making me stressed - that's why I'm not myself
Going to bed at 8.30pm (usually drunk)
Holding on to the edge of the bed
Shifty eyes
Good excuses for being late - work functions that I did actually go to so I was "seen" but I didn't arrive at them until they were underway
Wouldn't discuss infidelity - knew about a couple at work but never mentioned it. Interestingly, that was the first tip off to my H - I mentioned them and then changed the subject quickly
Leaving the room when movies, TV programmes were about infidelity
Changing my stance on said TV programmes. "Oh well, you can see why they're unhappy and having an A."
There were never any phone calls at home or anything of that kind whatsoever - so no need for privacy
Being cagey about what happened late at work functions or overdoing the who was there and what they said.
Very, very hot SF

The fog going/gone? Regaining my sense of humour.

Being able to joke with my H and him being able to joke with me.

Seriously, that was it. That's when I knew we were going to be ok.

very painful to read these things.. I've heard them all.. but not for awhile now, probly January or so. Maybe he is coming out of the fog?

"Are you having an affair?"
"C'mon, do you think I'm that stupid?" said with a huff.

Once the A is exposed, expect the truth to trickle out b/c a lying pattern is hard for them to break.

During my WH's short EA

I don't understand why you have a problem with the TM's; her husband knows about it and HE doesn't care.

I also heard many of the aforementioned phrases.

Also, WH communicated via IM with OW#1, so I would go to bed and WH (IT professional) would say that he has some work to finish, on his WORK laptop that I did not have ACCESS to. He would get that frightened look if I got up to get a glass of water, maybe thinking I was going to catch him...

Does anyone else feel a little ill when they write this stuff down?

Ill no... WW is neck deep in the fog, I am walking away to protect myself...

I think this Info is invaluable for new people and those still in it..

So much of my time I was simply reacting the learning curve was steep! With knowledge a person can know what expect and be prepaired to deal with it and not get caught off gaurd.

Jim

Let me add some from my own experience:

1. Sleeps with the mobile phone next to her when before she couldn't care less and it was mostly in her handbag in the living room

2. Inbox and sent message folders cleared almost every day, although her phone can store up to 500+. She used to have 1000+ and never cleared it until it was too full to input new messages in

3. Tells me how she thinks she's not meant for marriage, and how she probably would enjoy being single again

4. Tells me all about how she didn't miss me after moving out for 2 weeks with a smile on her face

5. Tells me how she doesn't remember a SINGLE thing that was good in our marriage, only can remember the bad things

6. Once, she was sick and stayed home. Wanted to take her out to dinner but she was "too tired", then OW called and invited her for a karaoke session and up she went without a single hesitation.. boy was I pissed at that time!

I knew we were in false recovery when, after a week of being home, WH began to tote his cell phone everywhere. It was never in plain sight, and I NEVER heard it ring. It was always set on vibrate and in his pocket. At bedtime, it was right next to the bed. During shower, yep, you guessed it, it was in the bathroom WITH HIM.