Hey,
I'm 30 years old and my wife is 26.We have been married for almost 5 years now ,and for the past couple she has seemed very depressed.
She doesn't like to talk about how she feels until she can't take it anymore.
Just recently she told me she was unhappy because she has never had a chance to do things on her own,and to find out who she really is.
She wants to seperate to find out if she really wants to be married.She says it isn't my fault and that there is nothing i can really do,and that it's just something she needs to work out on her own.
She says she loves me very much and that 70% of her wants this marraige to last,but she feels like she is missing out on something.
I don't want to loose her and I have heard that spending time apart only makes people grow further apart.I'm really scared right now mostly because I feel so helpless.
What can I do to help her without being pushy or over bearing?
Do I try to convince her to stay or do I just let her do her own thing?
I'm at my witts end and would appreciate any support that may be out there.
Thanks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Hi peptemonster,

Welcome to Marriage Builders (MB).

First I will encourage you to read the concepts here and take a look at some of the other message boards and read.

Do you know if she is involved with anyone else? I don't like to mention that but it's always a consideration when one person in the marriage wants to separate or needs their "space".Separation,in my opinion,isn't good.For a rare few,it may actually work but I agree that it only makes you separate and you can't effectively work on marital problems this way.

Based on what you said,you got married at about 26 and your wife was 21 right? That is young and it's no surprise she may be feeling that she did miss out on "something".It's not uncommon even though what's out there usually isn't so much grander than what is at home.But experiences in life can very different when you are married so young.

I can appreciate you being scared.But you can only change you,not other's.So that is where you should start.Read up on Emotional Needs( EN's),The Love Bank and Love Busters and the other areas too.Show her that it is great to be married to you and that things at home are going good.That's really all you can do aside from keeping the lines of communication open.Despite all that you do,it still may not change her mind,that is out of your control.If she wants to leave one day,you can't stop that.Hopefully though, things can improve.

Good Luck.