I'm still trying to learn my way around the site. How do I gain the trust of my wife back even after we get a divorce? I know that she is the only woman for me, I just didn't realize it at the time. I can't get over the being sick and not sleeping..Any suggestions?

Apparently, you are not the right man for her, though. I am sorry you have lost your wife after all your affairs, but that is the often the outcome. Have you considered counseling to find out why you behave like that?

Here is hopeless' first post:

Hopeless, welcome to MB. It is sad that it often takes losing a spouse to wake up the WS, but even then it never hurts to try.

Just read all the Basic Concepts on this site, not just the message boards.

Get copies of *Surviving an Affair* and *His Needs, Her Needs* so you will understand what we're all talking about.

Once you've done that, you can start Plan A. There are no guarantees, but unless your XW has remarried or is an otherwise committed relationship you can try to start over with her and see what happens.

Just read the stuff I listed above and then come back here with your questions.

Good luck.
Mulan

I thought Plan A was for the BS to attempt to get back the WS...





Hopeless... how many affairs are we talking here? Why would you be in shock that someone would want to end a marriage due to repeated affairs?

I don't mean to sound harsh here... but YOU were thinking about ending YOUR life!? This wasn't done to you... it was done by you! Be a man and grow some balls... you obviously have done everything you could to drive your wife away.... and NOW you want her back.

Perhaps you should drop your high school attitude and realize that there are consequences for our actions. Work on fixing yourself and if your BW wants you back that will be her call. But just because you are losing something that you obviously didn't care enough to take care of does not mean that your wife should give you another chance.

Ask her to come here and perhaps she can be directed to resources and people that will help her recover from what you brought into her life.

So... in addition to the other questions... here's one that you really should be able to answer...

why should your wife give you another chance? what makes YOU worth the time, heartache and effort to overcome the raping that you have inflicted on her? Because until you are the man that you should have been all along... you really aren't worth the trouble. Your wife should not have to lower her standards in order to keep you in her life.

MEDC

Well, normally it is, because normally it's the BS who's trying to save the marriage.

I would think a remorseful WS could use many of the same self-improvement principles to attract their BS back to them, if that's what they want to do - and this man says he does.
Mulan