GingerAnn, the best method of exposure is really debatable and depends alot on the target. With someone's parent, a phone call is often best, with an employer a letter. You would probably be the best judge of the delivery method since you know the situation best.

And yes, exposure will cause a firestorm, mostly directed at you. That is an expectation. The affairees will be furious that you interfered with their affair. Some family members will jump to their defense because they just "want them to be happy." [thank the Lord he is not a serial killer <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />]

So, just expect the fury and expect the mush minded apologists to weigh in. [every case has at least one of these fools] It is worth it and will cause great conflict in the affair. It is no fun to smoke crack when everyone is watching you.

And please address the situation with the children. It is a crying shame your husband has exposed those children to his affair. Unless you take a strong stand they will grow up morally confused believing that affairs are just fine. Does your H want them to grow up to be little cheaters and liars just like him?

Here is a good article about exposing kids to affairs, Infidelity, the Lesson Children Learn: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8112_lesson.html

And you should if this is how you feel. It will cause you the least amount of drama and allow you to find happiness with someone that actually deserves your time.

MB is great for those marriages that a BS wants to save... but I would never try and steer someone into the path of the freight train that is recovery unless every bone in their body is screaming to save the M.

I wish you well and think you have made a healthy decision.

MEDC

[quote]And yes, exposure will cause a firestorm, mostly directed at you. That is an expectation. The affairees will be furious that you interfered with their affair. Some family members will jump to their defense because they just "want them to be happy." [thank the Lord he is not a serial killer <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />]

So, just expect the fury and expect the mush minded apologists to weigh in. [every case has at least one of these fools] It is worth it and will cause great conflict in the affair. It is no fun to smoke crack when everyone is watching you.

And please address the situation with the children. It is a crying shame your husband has exposed those children to his affair. Unless you take a strong stand they will grow up morally confused believing that affairs are just fine. Does your H want them to grow up to be little cheaters and liars just like him?
[quote]

The sad part about this is I do think the person I am about to expose them too will have attitude that well, it didn't really start until he moved out. We aren't even separated.

I probably would have let this go if he hadn't come to me saying he wanted to fix the problems between us while this affair was still going on. I hope it doesn't get me banned from the organization. The affaires are both leaders. But, what type of message does this send to the kids? If I were just a parent and not involed I would have the same opinion.

I seriously doubt it started afterwards, that is the story he wants you to believe. Even so, you are married and this is an affair. Seperation does not justify an affair, whether someone wants to see it that way or not.


Of course you wouldn't get banned! The decision about whether or not to try and save your marriage is entirely a PERSONAL CHOICE. If you decide to move on, then folks here will support you.

The lesson it is teaching your children is this: IT IS OK TO COMMIT ADULTERY. Your children must be very morally confused.

I am sure the affairees are pretending their affair is all respectable and on the up and up. Please disabuse them of this notion by a) exposing their affair and b) refusing to allow your children to be around the OW. Otherwise, they will just go along happily with thier little fantasy believing they are perfectly justified.

I did get nasty with him tonight after the meeting. Not, in front of the kids tho... But, that was just my frustration with the whole thing. How he was just acting like the good family man that everyone thinks he is..

I called and exposed him. I feel like a giant weight is off of my shoulders. I was told by many just let sleeping dogs lie. But, he continues to involve the kids in this under the guise that her kids and our kids like to play together. It is teaching the kids that this is ok and it isn't.

I worry that they will be able to explain it all away and I will just look like a jealous soon to be ex.

He is going to be livid.


I hope all of this doesn't blow up in my face...

What do you mean by "blow up in your face," Ginger? You can expect that he will be mad and will try and portray you as a jealous nut, that is to be expected. He will be angry, that is to be expected.

You can also expect that a small handful will think you are being mean and that there is virtue in moral neutrality. [the moral coward crowd] Many folks don't care or are moral cowards so they will rationalize the affair rather than take a stand. That is to be expected.

HOWEVER, it will be no fun to carry on affair when people know what is happening and that is the goal: to create conflict in the affair.

I am sorry to hear you got nasty with him and hope you work on that problem. That will help nothing at all.

Also, to WHOM did you expose this affair? Have his parents, your parents, and HER parents been told? Have you also made it clear to him that your children ARE NOT to be dragged into his affair?

My family and his family have been told. Mine is disgusted by it all. His, whatever makes you happy son. I have been clear as crystal that the kids are not to brought around her. He agreed he wouldn't. Of course guess where they went last weekend, OW's house. That is why I exchanged words with him in the parking lot on the way to my car. I told him it was terrible and it needs to stop. I don't see anything wrong with it was his reply... I do need to work on not having words with him, right quick and in a hurry..

I also exposed this to the head of the organization for one of the kid's activities. OW is another parent in the organization. Turns she isn't as divorced, as I thought. They seemed very concerned. But, WH is a real smooth talker. He will probably be able to talk his way out of it and make me look like the jealous ex...

Thanks so much for your support ML...

wow, she is married?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Make sure you add her husband to the exposure list Ginger..

I know surprise surprise... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />


I gave up my trump card tonight. I hope that wasn't a mistake...

You gave it up? to whom? Do you know who the OWH is and do you plan on calling him?

I have some very damming evidence of the affair and some other bad behavior. It makes me sick when I think about. I offered it up to the head of the organization. WH husband dosn't know that I know about it. He will likely soon find out and one of my info gathering methods will be lost.

I do know OWH's name and number. I don't know if I have the guts to call him tho'

Call the man, GingerAnn, before she gets a chance to pre-empt you and spin you as a whackjob. Do this before word gets back to her that you are on her tail. Let OWH know you have evidence and ask if he knows how long this has been going on. Let him know she has dragged his children into this sleazy affair. You might even have evidence that could help him. He may not care, and he may care ALOT. You will never know until you call. And just remember, you are not the one doing something wrong here. THEY ARE.

If there is nothing wrong with their affair, as they claim, then they should have no objection to your discussion with others.

p.s. in the hopes that word gets back to the OW, tell the OWH that you have some damning evidence of an affair that you are "saving for court when she is called as a witness in an adultery action." Ask him if he would like access to it. Dat would be a big shocker to OW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am new to this forum and not very literate on how to start a topic or where to post. I am reading everything I can here because obviously marriage is in the toilet. We have been together 8 years, married for 5 of them. I have a question, if your spouse is associating with someone male or female and they make you uncomfortable/don't like them, do you have the right to ask your spouse to end the association? Reasons they go to school together, they talk more than we do, this person is dishonest, and is definitely interested in more than friends. We all went out one night together and she was so mad that he (my husband) was paying attention to me, she was picking up other men. Oh and she is married too.
I asked him to end the association because I don't like her, he said no and then started lying whenever he talked to her or went to their house. We have been arguing about this woman for 8 1/2 months now and I have come to the point of wanting to move out. I am sick of him putting her before me and my feelings. Just curious what you all would think.

Sassy - I started a thread for you - check it out by
clicking here....

Here is the strange thing that happened to me today. I got an invitation to dinner with the kids from WH. I am going to go just because the kids would want me to. But, I am very curious about what WH's angle is..


**Edit**
He broke it off with ow they are just going to be friends.

He thought it might be nice for the two of us and the kids to have dinner together. I told him that I can't have family time with him until he gets rid of his friendship, and puts effort into our marriage. Because without our marriage he isn't my family, just the father of my children.


I hope that was the right thing.

I realize that my plan A hasn't been the greatest. The part about working on me and keeping the homefiress burning has been huge success. I have lost 30 lbs I redecorated abou 85% of hte house and the kids I have have been having a blast bike riding, roller blading and just hanging out. The part about dealing with WH has been dreadful. In dealing with him, I have done just about everything you shouldn't do. Mostly like the one below...

WH received the letter from my lawyer about filing for child support and separation. He hit the roof over the amount of child support. The conversation turned emotional on both sides. It was a little like this:

WH "I like being single" "I like not having answer to anyone"

ME: "you aren't single you are still married to me and we have two children"

WH: "Well if I have to pay that much c.s. I will have to sell my car and my truck. Is that what you want Ginger, force me to sell my car."

ME: "I don't know what to tell you"

WH: "I don't have any money. I eat pasta when the kids aren't here"

ME: "Do you have any idea what it has been like paying the mortgage all by myself"

WH: "I gave you the house besides, I just spent $500 on camping gear for the kids"


It just got worse from there more threats from him and tears on both sides of the aisle. With me feeling drained, I caved and gave him 2 more months of playtime. Thinking in the back of my head, I will use the time wisely and do a stellar plan A. But, I am now regretting this big time. He just got two more months to eat cake. I can't deal with the lies anymore. I am about to just tell him get lawyer and let that be it.

But, I figured I would ask some of you who are more adept at dealing with a lying, cake eating WH, what the next best course of action is.

Two more months of protecting him from the very thing that may save your marriage: CONSEQUENCES. Two more months of ENABLING HIS AFFAIR. There is nothing WISE about this. Having to face the REALITY of single life is EXACTLY WHAT HE NEEDS right now. You and your children are the only ones who will pay for this.

Ginger, please remind me of whose side you are really on, becuase I cannot tell. This move benefits the OTHER WOMAN at your expense. Are you on her side?