I am a huge MB advocate. Once one, always one. Plan b worked. Stick to what you read. Grieve and receive...right here.
God is good no matter what.
I am best friends of WW. I believe in marriage, period. WW is filing for divorce, marrying OM, tried to break it off and can't. BS is heading into plan b.
If I support ww as friend even if she knows i don't agree then am I supporting OM? Do I plan b too as a friend? sounds crazy, but I'm seriously struggling with how to be a best friend. Help?

Is she acting like she's your best friend at the moment?



I suggest you don't provide support for any of WW's anti-M activities. If you want to find out what the end result of that can be, look for Nagrom's thread on the "Just Found Out" forum.

I don't think its "support" to sit by while a friend destroys herself and her marriage with self destructive behavior. I think it is more supportive to cease that relationship until your friend stops being destructive. To do otherwise is to accept your friend at her very WORST.

A person who betrays her own husband is not "friend" material and she will do the same to you if given a chance. Trust and loyalty and respect should be the basis of any friendship, and this "friendship" has none of that. I have personally ended two "friendships" over this very thing because a person who has affairs is not "friend" material. I have higher standards for my friends.

You mean WON'T, don't you?

Let her know that you disprove and will not support her decision. If she's like any other WW, she will probably start avoiding you so she won't have to subject herself to an opinion other than hers. Make her suffer the consequences of her actions. I say, yes, cut off your friendship and support. More than that, I would advise you to encourage others to do the same. It's called TOUGH LOVE. It will be more difficult to continue her A if she loses all her friends. I would also let OM know that he will NEVER be welcome around her friends. DO NOT ENABLE! Ask yourself this: "If it were my WW, what would I want her friends to do?"

I wish my WW had friends like you when I was going through my whole ordeal.

She is exacting the worst form of abuse any person can on you...and you consider her your friend? She is abusing you...and you are enabling her!

I have always been my wife's best friend. But, I have been my WW's worse enemy! And they are two distictive people. Separate.

Be your wife's best friend by being your WW's and OM's (and the affair's) worse enemy!!

Jim,

He is talking about being best friends with his own WW.

Ed Zachary!! Cant is something like "I had my legs blown off in Iraq so now I cant run a marathon (although with today's artificial limbs, who knows?)."

She WONT do it. She can do it!! She chooses not to.

Wow, you are all awesome!
"To do otherwise is to accept your friend at her very WORST."
True, but isn't that what a real friend does? We've all been there in some way, right? What I really want to be is a friend that loves unconditionally and if she checks back into reality and is too late, then I'd want to be there.
"Tough love"
I get this, completely.
"DO NOT ENABLE!"
I didn't think I was, but now I seriously wonder. What an eyeopener.
"You mean WON'T, don't you?"
Of course but I appreciate the question. Ended it 3 times. This is truly an addiction. "long lost love, completes me, can't walk away again, never felt so much pain, went back and it's like coming home". You guys know what I'm hearing!
"I would also let OM know that he will NEVER be welcome around her friends. "
Don't know him, he's in another state. She's moving there, leaving her children to do it in a few weeks. Nope, she's not acting like the best friend I have known and been in church with for as long as I can remember, but I can't love her any less.

Absolutely not. A true friend won't "support" a friend when she is BEING BAD. That is not the act of a friend, but an enemy who doesn't care. You should only support a friend when she is being GOOD.

When and if your "friend" ever wakes up, she will remember that you enabled her while she was being bad, and she will cut you off. It happens all the time. So, you WON'T be there when she checks back into reality, because she will DUMP you when that happens. And I assure you, her H will not tolerate your presence because you were not a friend to his marriage and his children. You were an enabler.

Rather, a true friend would befriend her friend's VICTIMS, her children and her husband. A true "friend" does not sacrifice her principles in order to support wrongdoing.

When you lie down with dogs, you just may wake up with fleas. By staying her friend, you are condoning her behavior.

Allow me to put this another way. Would you stay married to someone who has affairs, condones adultery, lying and cheating? Is cruel and heartless to you? Who abandons your children for a ho?

If not, why would you keep a so-called "friend" who did the same? Do you want a "friend" who lies, cheats and is CRUEL and heartless to those she loves?

Wouldn't that be sort of NUTS to have such a person for a "friend?" For me, when I choose a friend, I look for these qualities:

1. decency
2. strong moral character
3. operating LEFT brain
4. humor
5. loyalty
6. savvy, not gullible
7. knows right from wrong
8. has some nads

I don't know of many people who would consider your friend to be "friend" material with these traits:

1. lies
2. cheats
3. cruel
4. disloyal
5. selfish
6. entitled
7. abandons own children for an affair

That just is not my idea of a "friend." Call me a choosy old broad, but that is just not appealing friend material in my book.

If she will betray and kick aside her husband and children, surely you understand she would do it to you, too? Without batting an eyelash...

I get it, completely. Thank you for helping me see what I was missing. Odd how I could do this in my very own marriage but not get it with my friend. Really, thank you.
I am very choosy when it comes to my closest friends. To put it mildly, I think I haven't wanted to see how much my "friend" has changed. There has to be a lesson in that for all of us, don't you think?!

A condition that affects almost everyone. A WS looks just like the person you know, but it's a totally different being inside that body; an alien that will remain there as long as you make it comfortable for them to do so.

So, don't make it comfortable for them to remain.

There is an old honor code that states very simply: "Never lie, cheat or steal, nor tolerate those that do."

I true friend would never put you in a position to excuse what you find inexcusable. I would recommend that you support the children, even her BS if appropriate and let her now that if she figures it out, you will be there for her then.

My thoughts on this are very simple really. This behavior should not be supported.

God Bless,

JL

look,

""What I really want to be is a friend that loves unconditionally ""

I could be wrong, but the only people you should love "unconditionally" are your children.

All others must in some way earn and then keep earning your love. Like in marriage.

IMHO

kirk

"I would recommend that you support the children, even her BS if appropriate"

Done! My husband and I are both supporting the BS and the children wholeheartedly. She has chosen to divorce and move on and that is unacceptable to me.

First

Then:

WTH?!?! There is a total gender change here, or I am completely missing something. All of the advice you've been given Lookahead was based on people thinking that you were the BH (betrayed husband) and were planning on being best friends with your wife after the divorce.

Can I get some clarification on what's going on please?

I was under impression that you are a female, and that your woman friend is cheating on her husband. Is that right?

If you are woman friend, you clearly draw your line in the sand. You let her know you want nothing more to do with her until she ends the affair. That is how you be a good friend. You support her marriage, insist she stick to her vows. You help the betrayed husband by not helping the cheating wife.

Owl, she is not a BH, but a close female friend of a woman who is having an affair. You silly hoo-haw! lol