My fiance and I have been together for a little over 5 years. We met during a vacation and did the long distance thing for about a year. Then I came here and we started living together. I love him very much and I know he loves me too, but he has some anger issues. And the worst thing is that he calls me names. I've tried to talk to him about this many times and each time he agrees with me that he shouldn't call me names, but each time it keeps happening again. I have tried everything. I've talked, cried, screamed, walked away, ignored, smiled...just everything you can think off.

It has come to a piont right now, were I don't even want to be intimite with him anymore, all of this is such a big turn off... (I'm not afraid that he will cheat on me because sex has never been a big hobby of his, which is also weird, but thats an other story)

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to leave him, because I know he has a problem and it is not personally anything against me, but it's just like I'm talking to a brick wall, I don't know what else to do...

I hope someone will be able to help me...

If you think that after 5 years he will somehow change, you are sadly mistacken. he is what he is accept it or move on.

my ex had/has anger issues. it started with ugly arguments, and saying ugly things like "i could punch you in the throat right now and it wouldn't bother me a bit" to "i don't wan to see you or be with you". then when he cooled down it was like nothing happened and he would want sex and i would be like "i don't think so" i could not put the hurtful things out of my head and have sex with him. then his anger escalated into taking it out on the dogs. then it became belittling the kids. then, one night, after we had been separated, it turned physical after many many threats from him that it would.

you see, people like him, and your fiance, they cannot control it. it takes them over until it is too late. then of course, after they cool down, they know what they said and did was wrong. mine was told on numerous occassions to get help for his anger issues or one day they would escalate out of control and they did, because he did not get help. i had him arrested. your fiance needs help and to learn healthy ways to control his anger. he can be helped if he is willing to go the distance, stick with the program , and do it. if he is not willing to, than i would break away from him now. it will NOT get better, it will get uglier and worse.

mlhb

Mystical, welcome.

What do you mean it isn't personal? Does he have Torrets (SP)? If not, it is personal. He does it to hurt you, to punish you, and to make sure he gets you to behave the way he wants you to. If he does the same thing to eveyone else, than he's personnally verbally attacking a lot of people.

If this man won't stop calling you names and yelling at you, and get his anger under control, I suggest you find a new place to live. In your own (safe) space, you can decide under what circumstances you would be willing to continue seeing this man.

Whatever you do, don't marry him thinking tht will make it better. It will make it worse.

You can't make him change. He has to change. Before he can change though, he has to WANT to change. And the price may be very high. The price for him.

If you aren't married, you don't feel safe, you don't see exhibits of love, why are you still with him? What is in it for YOU?