I just had a conversation with a restaurant manager, he said anymore you can't just fire anyone even at a restaurant. You have to document everything and give employees a series of warnings before firing them. I've heard of this and again I'm feeling so stupid about my marraige - and that I didn't read my ex right. When I was dating I sort of respected him as a manager of a bank, he lived a few hours from me and his employees at parties then seemed to like him. But he had issues with his boss - would say things like "I'm not going to do this or that." In the back of my head I wondered but I didn't know him well enough, his "story" was of having worked the same job 8 years, etc.

He went onto the next job while we were dating - we dated three years most of which was long distance, I lived anywhere from 2-3 hours from him and we'd see each other on weekends - mostly fun activities. Anyways at the next job I thought the same, his employees really seemed to like him but the bosses, he'd whine about them. Not give them reports they wanted. He got fired, the next bank hired him so I thought he must have been ok.

Then I moved for him, gave up half my business, or more, had to start over basically in a new town. He was a higher up at a bank there. We went to parties, co-workers seem to get along with him but again the boss, he'd make comments. One day he was fired when we returned from a trip to New Zealand. I was pregnant and horrified. He was job hunting, he seemed to enjoy the game of talking big and getting the next big job... I was in tears, didn't want to move, I wanted to keep my business and I figured out a way, moving right after the baby to expand with more towns a side business.

Anyways this next job went on not even a year. He didn't like it. Started drinking more. Would get up late. I had a baby, was struggling, my dad was dying of cancer. He was so arrogant, said he had an interview in another state, didn't even "ok" it with me, just did the hey honey I'll let you know "after" if I get a job offer, until then I didn't need to know where he was even job hunting. I was steamed, crying and very, very stuck with a baby and again my business was difficult as I'd move 5 hours from most customers of mine. I think he thought I'd go broke and he could drag me along anywhere. Instetad I took the baby on business trips, was a single mom as he wouldn't help and I increased business.

One day he came home and said he was layed off his job, he had enough of his boss. Finally I left him after the last argument where he was pushing/shoving me around. I took the baby to our old town and never went back for months, didn't take anything (yes this is the arrogant jerk now emailing his buddies that I cleaned him out and took everything). Anyways months later I showed up and took some of my things. I found paperwork on his job, his boss was saying he cost the company a lot of money, that he wasn't even calling their largest multi million dollar accounts back, he wasn't doing sales, they gave him warning after warning... apparently he filed for unemployement as he had in the past so he could have some checks and job hunt. They denied it because he quit rather then got fired as he told me.

The moral of the story is - I don't know why I was so stupid. How I didn't see "it." This man KNOWS the system at work. He's 50 years old now, he'll pull this until retirement. He's now in another state, I asked how it's going he said arrogantly "they can't fire me" although I know he's being disruptive, one of the employees is suing the bank because he bad mouthed her and said she stole money. I don't think they like him anymore, seems he has a 2 year span and he knows it. Same with marriages, but they last a little longer. I'm wife number three, the others were in other states so I don't know their stories other then it's just like he did with jobs with me - talking big, getting his way into my life, saying all the right things, I wasn't that interested so I've been told I was more of a trophy to him - he got me and sat back, just like his jobs laughing at me. He even said the first six months of our marriage "you're stuck now, what are you going to do about it?"

Now I left him over two years ago. Everytime I go to divorce him he does the tears routine, poor me, I feel bad and back out. The other weekend my boy came home from a night with him at a hotel - I've only let him do this the last few months after he's shown up month after month seeing his boy and I thought it was all ok. My boy was enjoying it. My boy said "daddy pushed me off the bed" scary since he used to do this to me. I wound up in a legal mess but it looks like it's over. I need to finish this divorce and get sole custody of my boy NOW. So I have attorneys lined up. A counselor said I was afraid of him as he was threatening me and it's half true, the man "knows the system" not only in his work life but home life. My mom's hoping in the meantime he'll have a heart attack and die, and maybe she's right...

I'm just so sick of putting the picture together on this slick, slick man. You'd think it's poor people that "know the system" that work at restaurants like the restaurant manager described. Not a slick banker abusing women and bosses over and over again. How has he gotten by with this? Doesn't what comes around go around?

I am going to divorce this man and get sole custody of my son, that's what I meant. My mom's right he's like a little boy in a man's body. He's a big baby, always getting his way. My boy is only 2, almost three and says he was "playing" when daddy pushed him but it's of concern of course. He had a bump and bruise from this. Either way I won't let his dad be alone with my boy again. And I need to get this settled. Of course when I told him that I need custody and to settle this so he has visitations, he whined, emailed me pictures of him and his boy playing, and then another email about oh hon, come move up here to this state, where we'll be safe in a small town... I am so, so sick of him. I think actually I'll with hold the boy and I have a right to legally, if I have to I'll move to a new address where he can't find me and I'll legally get this settled. What would he do to me? What can I do? This divorce process is going to take months and now I can't trust him at all - but look at the signs all along of what an arrogant pig he's been even at jobs. I should get custody, how can I get along with him though until this is all settled, I guess I need to at the very least with hold my boy from him until I meet with a divorce attorney. The divorce attorneys are so busy that I couldn't even get a meeting with one for two weeks and another for another month. I'd better hope one takes the case quick. This man has to stop being "in control" as my mom says, God's in control, not him. I've allowed this, but really the guy is very very believable. Even an ex shrink said, think of what his bosses have been through with him - look at what I"ve gone through, the games, the narcissm, the playing around, the laughing, he kNOWS the system and you know what, he'll figure out how to turn things, I don't know how but he's such a jerk he'll find every loop hole there is. Luckiily I turned him in for violence a few years ago, it's on his record and I'll have to use it in a divorce. My boy needs a father though, I just don't want him away in another state with this jerk during summers. Maybe my boy telling the babysitter his daddy pushed him off the bed will work in my favor. She threatened me in some way and I flagged down a cop and a report was filed about it, nothing will become of it he arrogantly knows, a two year old can't confess - but my boy has always told me everything right on that goes on, if a boy shoves, him, whatever, he's very bright. He just can't place blame at this age, like daddy pushed me off the bed on purpose - or he pushed me off the bed playing. He used to push me off beds, that was his thing during arguments. This is quite scary actually - how can I get through this? Why does he have so much power over me, as the shrink said everything is on my side here. He just knows how to threaten me about my boy - and he knows he won't get him - but a mother's greatest fear is having her boy taken. My husband once said he'd make it so I can't divorce him - is this what he meant. I know he's cheating and emailing women and lying. I want to protect my boy from him.

Please use some of this "analysis" energy to actually follow through and divorce this manchild.

Why do you keep pounding your head against the wall again and again? How's that working for you?

Yes...less time ranting, more time filing.

Appointment with attorney next week. Time to follow through. I realize I get the award for the most pathetic on this board, but just watch me now... we are moving foward with full steam here. Thanks

We will be checking up on you next week.

(Newly reminder to self: file motion to solidify vacation)


PS Horsey, be specific in your document, my X's interpretation of little things is annoying. Vacation is a week, and to him, I can't go anywhere for more than 7 days straight. It doesn't matter that it's still my parenting time. In his mind, I need to be back with the kids, even if he won't see them for days.