Fear of abandonment is a HUGE hurdle that I had to jump. It has taken me quite some time to do it, too.

I'm going to thwack you with that softly matted 2x4. Do you have a M with this man right NOW? If not, why are you worried about losing your M?

I'm so sorry to hear about your day. The bright side, you KNOW with your WH's recent actions that he does want the comforts of home and M, right? So why not discuss what he is doing WITH HIM. Why just go with the flow? You are being tosseled in the waves, but you have a boat and some paddles that you could use to guide your own way, and show your WH the way.

If he gets angry, you stay calm and ask the questions, wait for answers. If he has none, then you must let him go. Is this the kind of life that you want to perpetuate. Think about those boys. The longer that your WH remains wayward, the more they will grow in their disrespect for him.

What about Plan B is really bothering you, as it sounds like your WH doesn't come to see the boys much right now ANYWAY (HIS CHOICE BTW)? Plan B will not separate him from his boys, as long as he makes the effort to see them. You cannot foster a R between your children and their father, he must do that himself.

Marflow, go back to Plan B, unless you talk to him and he gives you CLEAR evidence that he wants M, or unless you don't really want your M. Questions you must ponder...

((((Marflow)))))

Plan B it is...When I was at lunch I was talking to God asking him to show me...then I get back and silent you had posted...I think God is using you and Rin to get me to do what I need to...part of me wants to talk to him first but that will confuse me...he will say just enough to keep me hanging on...action is all that can change my mind now.

I don't think I should send him the same Plan B letter as before to many thing have happened...to many thing I need to say.

PS. Silent did you e-mail you plan B letter or did you give it to him?

I emailed my Plan B letter, but I think it was Sis who handed her letter to WH.

I intended to write it out longhand and mail the letter, but my handwriting is pretty bad, so I typed what I had written and decided to email it. I did mail a copy to his place of residence at the time.

I know that this is a rough decision. Do not tip your hat on this though. When you do decide to make the leap, make it swiftly and quietly. If you have any questions that you would like to ask, get them in now. You are not in plan B right now, so you CAN ask what your WH's intentions are with his visiting you.

Once you are in Plan B, no talking, no seeing each other. Talk to your kids, tell them why you are doing this. Prepare yourself.

I'm having a really bad day...woke at 3am because I was having a nightmare about WH and OW so there I am at 3am balling my eyes out praying God will give me peace so I can go back to sleep...things didn't get much better after that took DS12 to school...I told him he should have brushed his hair he got mad said he did and that I needed to stop caring about him...so my eyes filled with tear and I couldn't say anything just dropped him off and cried all the way home.

Spent all morning looking through MB'er archives hoping to find a Plan B success story...found mimi's it's 50 pages so I'm going to read through it...hopefully I will find strength in her words.

I'm sorry that you are not doing well...I think ChaCha is a success story...look her up...LovingAnyway also...

You will be just fine...

Really busy at work today! Not much time! Sorry!

Silent-I hand delivered my first PBL...but this time I don't think I want to look at him...of course he didn't come over yesterday like he told the boys that he would...YS asked me about it...then OS told us that he had called his Dad twice left VM and WH didn't call back...I am at a loss...what do I do for my sons?

Sometimes I think maybe the 3 of us should give WH a PBL.

Comfort them...let them know it's not their fault, just like it's not your's...

his actions speak louder than words!

(((MF)))

Comfort those boys, as Rin said, BUT, take no surley talking back from them either; you are their mother and demand respect for taking such good care of them. (teenagers stink ANYWAY, despite having to deal with the separation of their parents and abandonment from their parent).

I'm sorry about your bad dream; they can knock you back. Your emotional state leads me to believe that Plan B can be very good for you. It takes a while, but the pain truly does subside, and you become stronger. It's a strange thing, but it happens sort of suddenly.

Remember to talk to your boys and fill them in on why you are moving to Plan B, and what it entails.

I'm feeling a little better...had alot of paper work to do at work so it has kept my mind off things.

I do comfort the boys we have gotten a lot closer since WH has been gone...YS lashes out at me because I'm safe I won't leave him...he can't say what he wants to WH...both boys have told me that they are afraid that WH won't ever come and see them if they told him how they feel.

"Remember to talk to your boys and fill them in on why you are moving to Plan B, and what it entails".

I plan to do that over the next couple of day...I'm off work so I figure that is a good time to write the PBL and talk to the boys.

The worst part about the dream is that I have never had a dream about them being together...all the dreams in the past has been WH telling me that he has chose me.

I'm trying to get past the dream...I have church tonight so that should help.

In the end, Marflow, it's just a dream, your emotional state coming out in animated form. You can control your life, and make it safer, more secure, more SANE.

More Sane that would be great...sometimes I think I'm losing my mind <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

None of this is easy and emotionally sound. You are dealing with some very serious stuff, REAL LIFE STUFF. It's tough to face it head on, but that is what we must do to survive.

Are you in counseling, Marflow? If not, can you get there? You need to take care of yourself.

I believe that dreams mean *something*, but I don't think anyone can tell you what they mean. I think that they are more likely your subconscious just drifting around--like doodling at a white board. Don't worry about it.

Good Morning, feeling pretty good today...guess knowing Plan B is around the corner it has eased my mind.

SD38-No,I am not counseling the counselor I had was a nut case she told me that needed to get over WH cheating...right now I don't have insurance it should kick in next month...my plan is to go to the DR. get AD's and a referral for IC.

I to believe dreams mean something...it's been a hard week so I think my subconscious is drifting into the dark places.

Like I said, my interpretation of dreams is my joys and fears being translated into a dreamstate where out of the ordinary and even extraordinarily good and bad things happen.

You have a lot of fear to surmount, Marflow, as evidenced by your lack of faith with Plan B and breaking it so early. You will be able to build up strength, I PROMISE YOU. We will all be here to slap you on the wrist, thwack away with the 2x4's and comfort you. We can help to guide you, too.

I may not be perfect in my Plan, and I am still learning, but I KNOW where you are right now. I KNOW IT. We won't live you alone to traverse this all alone. You will have to work on yourself and that can be scary.

Well no more bad dream...been working on my PBL...I really think going DARK won't be a problem this time I'm sooooo ready for some peace...I'm thinking that I will send PBL tomorrow via e-mail...

Good for you Marflow! As I said, we'll be here, no need to discuss anything with the WAYWARD...

Still have not sent my plan B letter it keeps turning into a plan FU letter I have to much angry right now.

I had long talk with the boys this last weekend...DS12 is very hurt by the thing WH has done...DS16 is so full of anger that he wants nothing to do with WH...he told me the reason that he always leaves when WH comes over is because he can't stand to be in the same room with his Dad.

I told the boys last night that in May we are going to start divorcecare...OS didn't react very well to this info..he said he didn't want to go to group that is going to fill sorry for him...I told him its not like that that everybody there is going through the same thing that he is..he did say on the up side that there maybe some hot girls there.LOL that all he ever thinks about...being a Mom of a teenage boy is not as fun as you make think it is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

We have not heard a word from WH in over a week...so that has been good.

How do you write a plan B letter when you are full of rage?

I've been in plan B for about 2 weeks...Here's what happened yesterday...DS12 has a rash on his thigh it looks like chicken pox...I was telling my boss about it and she said it sounded like shingles and I should get DS to the Dr. So I e-mail WH to find out if we had insurance yet and what DS insurance # is...so I'm thinking that he would e-mail me back (stupid me)no he calls me to give me the #... he didn't ask how DS was or anything...

My question why is plan b so hard for me?

the reason I ask this... October of last year I went into plan b it was never dark...then in December I had a accident called WH and that ended my plan b...so why is it when I go into plan b (this time very dark) something happens where I need to call WH?

Write down everything you can think of that you NEED to know: insurance nos., phone numbers, addresses, account numbers, etc etc and give it to WH to fill out and fax to you. Then leave him alone and stay dark.

The goober is truly wayward when he doesn't care how his son is doing knowing he is sick. He is in full ME ME ME ME mode and nothing but hard, cold reality will touch him right now so let it!