here is my story,
been married 25 years. When I was pregnant with my second child I found out my H was having an A, I kicked him out. When I went into the hospital to have my baby he moved back in. I let him stay, we didn't really talk about anything. He stayed out all night a few months later and I kicked him out again. he begged and pleaded I let him back, this was 20 yrs ago and we never really discussed it, my H would not answer questions or talk about it, his MO is sweep everything under the rug
The last 6 mos we have been in marriage counseling, I think because the kids are grown now and maybe some things have come to bite us in the butt, maybe about not really dealing with the A, plus he started controlling me with money, and was being really difficult to live with. I started in counseling first and my H decided he would go also, long story short I figured out he was lying to the counselor, being very deceptive, I told him this could not be one sided, I knew he was with holding some information, I told him I was going to leave if he did not lay all the cards on the table, I left, 4 days later he confessed to 2 more A's when the kids were little, he said that was it he was clean, I started building a little trust and was just glad that he could confess instead of lie and decieve like he has been doing, then one day I threatened to call this one women that I had suspected something with about 15 yrs ago, I don't know why, he then said that they were together 1 night but nothing happened, this I believe is a lie, I am still moved out, I told him that he needs to tell everything and let me figure out if we can work it out, the counselor tells me that I am being masochistic, I just feel that if I know everything that he has done then he has no reason to hide in conversations anymore, and plus I can decide if I can ever trust him, right now I do not believe anything he says. As far as I know he has not had any A's in 15 yrs, but he has a passive aggressive side with things that make him mad and will sabatoge me on things. My H has been over where I am living almost every night, all he asks is for me to come home. He never tells me what he is thinking, clues me in, just wants me to come home and sweep it away. Please help with any suggestions you have. Am I being masochistic? I can't just let it go and not deal with it. Not that I need to have details I just want to know how many there really are, right now we are up to 5, but he says that nothing happened with any of them, just one, the rest did nothing for him, on top of it all he thinks I'm an idiot.

Coming from a similar sitch, I feel that you are doing the best thing for you...

You have the right to know...the lies by omission played a destructive part in my M...I had the same thing happen with my STBX...he wanted to sweep everything under the rug...not talk about anything...refused couseling...

The last straw was when he told me that I was more naive than he thought...well, actually this was the last argument I participated in with him...

I came to understand that my STBX was verbal and emotionally abusive...and the sitch was only getting worse...it appears from what you wrote that the same is true for you...

Can you recall other memories of verbal abuse? Controlling?

Like you, I am not inclined to believe his story either...nothing happened...please...

It sounds to me that he has a fear of abandonment and will do anything to protect himself, not you or the marriage...

I am so sorry that you find yourself here...dealing with this stress...the best that I have is do what's right for you! Protect yourself!

thank you so much for your response,,it just amazes me how they all lie and cheat the same way with the same lies and responses. I am for sure going to take care of me,,me is all I have right now. What is NC? I have seen that a few times,,I can't find it in the acrynoms section. just wondering if I am going to have to use it too.

new to this forum. Still married male. found out about my wife affair 10 years ago after unspeakable pain still married, still dont know how to deal with it. how do you get by every day? I have 2 kids, stayed married so they would survive. would appreciate any thoughts. I feel like a dead man walking.

are you out their?

why do you think that you haven't gotten past the pain yet? Were you given info about what the A was about by your wife? Post your full story in a new thread and see what responses you will get,,the people here are wonderful and we can help you get through it,,its amazing how we all know what it feels like,,,although I am not dead women walking but I spend an awful lot of time in bed.

glad someone is out their, havent talked about this in a while but seems to be creeping up on me. I whonder if it will ever end?

dont know how to post a new thread.

are you their doingfine?

Go to the main GQII page - the one where all the threads are listed.

Look at the top of the page.

Click on POST.

That will start a new thread for you.
Mulan

sorry, had to go to sleep. if you would like to email me, here it is calicotammy@yahoo.com I can tell you how I feel and what has happened. my story is in a thread in this section that I just posted yesterday. when you get into a section, at the top, just how you click to answer posts there is a box to start a thread. One thing that was a turning point for me was counseling, although, It has helped, it got me thinking and talking, but remember that counseling also helped me to leave. I learned about more A's, I couldn't take it, also my WS is still lying.
Answer these questions:
Are you in counseling?
Has your S exposed everything about any and all A's?
Do you feel that you have every answer to your questions and that your S is being honest?
Does your S know why she had any A's?
If these questions are not answered for you this could be why you are still in pain.

well, DF, it sounds like you are doing great!

NC is no contact...

Good job on the advice to catman801! You are in the right place!