I recently found out that my wife is having an affair. Well I tried to make it work out but of course I heard the usual "I love you but not in love with you" type thing. When I found out within that week she agree she would not have contact with him. Yet last week she told me she was going out of town to meet up with some friends but turns out she went with him. So when she came back I confronted her and she admitted she was with him so I kicked her out and now she at his house but staying in different rooms. She doesn't know what she wants and I still want to make things work. Whats next???

You really believe she is in different rooms? If so, for how long?!?!?

You know you can't trust the babble from the WS.

What have you read and willing t/d?

L.

Have you read the materials on this site?

Would she be willing to come home?

Are you working on an exposure plan?

I exposed it to everyone her family his family...and now i'm going to expose it to his work (a$$h@ole a marine). I thought about going into plan B but i don't know if its too soon for that.

If your marriage was a good one then a short Plan A is better imo. If this is mostly about her and her shortcomings as a person little you do in plan A will have any effect.

Expose the dude to his commanding officer if he's still enlisted. The military normally frowns on affairs by its soldiers.

She telling me that he's her soulmate and so on i guess the usual for what a ws would say anyway. So i should continue plan A if she staying with him????

Honestly, how good was your Marriage? If it was a good marriage (I know every marriage has issues) then a short plan A is in order in my opinion.

What would happen if you offered for her to come back home? What would she say? Would she agree to NC with OM while the two of you work on your M?

How long has she known OM? How long has the affair been going on?

Do you have children together? Is this a first marriage? What are your ages?

fill in some blanks for us...

She agreed to have NC but then lied to me about seeing him. We known this guy since high school then he left for the marines and now he back told her he had feelings for her and she said she had feeling for him and thats how it got started. I'm 25 she 26 no kids together and it hasn't even been a year since we got married

I would strongly consider cutting my losses and moving on given the above statement. You should still be in the honeymoon phase in year 1 of a marriage and for her to look outside the M to have her EN's met says alot about her character.

So this scumbag is a US Marine?? You need to go to his commanding officer TODAY and report him! The Marines will order him not to talk to your wife or even come near her. They may even prosecute him and kick him out.

The Marines want a few good men. This guy aint one of them and he needs to be kicked out! He is a disgrace to the uniform and the Corps.

Name,

Most here will suggest that you cut your losses now given the length of the marriage, your WW's actions less than a year of being married (this is supposed to be the honeymoon for good sakes!) and having no children together.

I don't want to sound negative but I would really have to consider if this is the type of woman that I want to be with and have children with. I know of two personal cases where, in this case, men cheated on their wives less than one year into the marriage and in both cases ended up being serial cheaters and multiple divorcees....

I have been with her for almost ten years I can't give that up yet.

Names,

""I'm 25 she 26 no kids together and it hasn't even been a year since we got married ""

YEEOUCH!!!

Dude, you have at least another 50 to 60 years to live!! Why spend it under the cloud of this toxic WW by your side??

She is staying in a separate room at this jarhead's place?? As my governor would say "HA HA, Dahts ah goot won"

She doesn't know what she wants?? And she just might discover this by shacking up with another fella?

WHATS NEXT?? Get your finances separated, paperwork in order, all bases covered, talk to an attorney and prepare for the big D.

IMHO

krk

I'm not looking for a D

OK...then first off, give us more information on your situation. How long married/known each other, etc... How did the affair start, how long has it been going on, how did you find out, what did you do when you found out, what did she do, blah blah blah.

This info does play into how we give advice, but you also need to read up on plan A, plan B, exposure, the lovebank, emotional needs, etc... all the information provided on the main MB site.

Once you're up to that point, you'll hopefully be ready to hear the advice. Make sense?

NE90,

Get "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. Definitely expose to OM's CO. Both of those choices are part of Plan A.

Sounds weird...Plan A'ing someone who isn't currently living with you...you can do it. Takes you learning a whole lot...choosing to be calm, non-reactive and to listen and repeat. To not make anything easy...

I did what you did when I found out about WH's continuing his A...and he left, too. He came back.

I respect your choice to stay married, and give it all you've got--know he's no more her soulmate than Donald Duck...he's fantasy. You're not battling someone else...you're battling ghosts and phantoms...not real. You're real.

Remember that.

LA

Well only been married for about 8 months but been together for about 9 years. The affair started in late Jan. early Feb. but I figure something wasn't right but did not say anything. I got tired of her lying and being real secretive about things so I started to snoop and found out she calls him everyday and I started to ask around and some of her friends told me that she goes out with him to clubs so I confronted him about it he told me nothing was going on and her god sister told me they were having an affair which almosted killed me. So by now she knows that I know and she wouldn't return my calls and she was out driving around to "clear her head". I figure she was gonna go to his house and sure enough she shows up later that night. They were in her car talking...I go up and tell him to get out and go inside so I can talk to her. I tell her I don't know what happened to us but I love her and want to make our marriage work. She doesn't say much but she tells me she in love with this guy. Its late and she has to work in the morning so I tell her lets go home but she doesn't want me there. I let her go home by herself and I go back to talk to the OM and tell him to stay away so I can work on this. But of course all lies he doesn't stay away and now I'm gonna expose his [email]a@@[/email] to his commanding officer. Everyone thats close to her in her family knows and they are disguested by her actions.

OK...so have you read about plan A? About the emotional needs that fill the love bank?

What changes are you making to attract her back? What do you think are her emotional needs? Are you working to meet them?

Is she still living at home? Does she work? How does she contact him besides phone?

You DO need to expose to his CO right now. Make it clear that you're fighting to save your marriage, and that you know that what he's doing is a direct violation of UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice...laws for military, basically). Tell them that you're asking for their assistance in getting him to end his inappropriate contact with her.

Make sense to you? Make sure you understand the 'carrot and stick' of plan A. This is critical for your situation right now.

No she living at his place right now. I showed her that I'm willing to do anything to get her back but everything I do she tells me she doesn't deserve what I'm doing for but I keep it up to show that I care. What is the carrot and stick???

Here is a link talking about the 'carrot and stick':

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0&fpart=1

Take a look at that. Take a look at the right side of this site, and you'll see an area labled "Most Popular Links".

Read ALL of those. That should give you some beginning basics in the MB method of dealing with infidelity. Once you've done that...you should hopefully be able to come up with a decent game plan on what to do from here. Come back here and post any questions or thoughts, and the advice you get here should hopefully provide you even more help.