Hello all.
First let me introduce myself again... I was a member many many years ago and well I am back. I see alot of familar faces (well not faces I am not telepathitic).
Me I am 33 my H 38 two children one his age 7 (his exwife absolute psycho) My exH not in the pic My son age 9. Married almost two years together for almost 4.
I have been having this question for over a year now, never did anything about it I guess embarresment was number reason why. Here it goes (deep breath) My H of almost two years gets satisfaction from the computer and to me I feel that is a form of cheating I know I sure as heck don't like it I feel very less of a person. He hides it from me and does it in not the very best times of day either duh he locks the door and when the key turns Hello he minimizes the screen. I was born at night but not last night.
Please anythoughts on this would be great...
Wishing us all the best

A thread over in Just Found Out is dedicated to this topic you asked about. Here's a link...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3189065

If that doesn't work, go to the Just Found Out forum, and it's about halfway down the list...entitled "I just found my husbands porn..."

Yes I was once the biggest fan of the internet but now I am ready to believe my grandmother when she calls it the devil incarnate. My husband of ten years discovered the internet last year at work and through less then a year progression mastered internet dating, internet porn and had an affair with four men and one women. Apparantly men are easier. He got himself a full blown sex addiction and the internet was to blame for making things so damn accessible. After all of this I have been researching sex addiction and you would be happy to know that because of the internet, sexaddiction was born. People once upon a time feared God and what the neighbours thought so porn was not just freely bought. This kept some men in line however now this is not a problem it is a simple trip to the fairly discreet computer. Also once upon a time a man had to go out to find a woman or man to have an affair with. Now you go online and find local orgies, online dating and intimate encounter sites where you can book a quicky for lunch with a new person everyday of the week. Anything that is a secret is poison and I suggest you nip it in the bud right away before it ruins your family for a second time.

Thank you I will check it out

Honestly I have tried to nip it in the bud, He does it see it as a big deal. Me It makes me feel horrible less then a women words can't decribe Yes I have told him all these things. Just not sure as to handle the situation

Are you talking about internet porn?

Mates4life
Yes I am talking about the internet, It is a constant thing with him and it is not like I don't satisfy when he wants it or needs it. It is almost like an addiction to him, but not only that he can not see the way it makes me feel and doesn't think I should feel the way I do. that it could be worse that he is not out with another women.

I'm on the Internet constantly and I'm not engaging in Internet porn or chat sites. The Internet is invaluable for constructive legitimate research or all kinds. So I'm asking again, is he on the Internet, or is he looking at or engaging in Internet Porn?

These are two different scenarios that must be approached differently. One is that his hobby is taking away from your intimacy, the other is the possibility of a dysfunctional capacity for intimacy and a very real possibility of addiction. Please be very clear in your answer.

Sorry for not being more clear I guess I don't type as fast as my brain wants to work.
He is not on the Internet constantly but I would say three times a week he is looking at porn on the internet, yes sometimes the hobby of it does take away some times the itimacy, then I talk to him about it and it gets better for awhile. He does not seem to think I should even concern myself with it. The other day when I caught him I told him I was staying up waiting for him, he never came up well duh I knew why and I told him that I can not deal with that. That started an argument. Other then this issue we do not argue over too mush of anything except his xw.

BAJM:

Do not call this a Hobby.

Internet Porn can become an addiction.

It will seperate you from your H in intimate ways. And my lead your H to engage in other, far risker behaviors.

I would have done more of it, but I was too cheap to sign up and pay the fee.

There is plenty of free stuff out there, and you can be entertained by it for long periods of time, but it ain't real.

So.

Your H is spending to much time on the internet and not paying attention to you and/or the children. That is a boundary.

Your H is surfing porn sites and getting distorted views on women/men and thier ability to have/share intimacy. Another boundary crossed. If he can't watch it with you, then it's a problem.

I had my issues with porn, and they were diminished significantly after Dday. W is more willing and more responsive to SF.

Real SF blows away anything ever seen on the screen....

Where are you with that?

Where is your H?

Be realistic. If you can't be enthusiastic, then the real SF will never compare to the "so-called enthusiasm" of the actress'es/actors.

And us men want to be Don Juan. And most of us ain't.

So, you need to reread His Needs, Her Needs (HNHN) and start to figure out what is really broken in your M.

Porn is a symptom of other problems. And its use grows faster, because you can not compare....

That's a place to start.

One other thing, don't argue about his ExW.

LG

thank youLousygolfer
Your insights were right on. As far as exw we are in a severe custody battle over his daughter. Cut a long story short. We had her for six months while her mother went to rehab etc signed herself out. They are all in counsling right now however and on this my H is right sometimes. She has no willingness to communicate or do the right thing and my H will not stand up to her like no it is our night or no you need to meet us half way or no if you can not take her on your nite then she should be here with us or no a seven year old should not make those decisions.

Wrong, wrong, wrong........

The internet is NOT the cause of sex addiction. Sex addicts existed long before the internet......do you know the story of Sodom in Genesis 19? Talk about a bunch of sick sex addicts

Backagain......I have a web link for you

www.sanon.org

This is the link for SAnon - a 12 step group like AlAnon. SAnon is a group for persons who have friends or family members who have sexual addictions that are hurtful to others. When I was in the program, we had participants whose wives, husbands, sons, daughters, same-sex partners, whatever, were having affairs, perusing too many Playboy or Penthouse magazines, going to strip clubs, spending time on the phone....the manifestations were numerous.

This is NOT a new thing.

You are not alone.

Cinderella
Thank you I will check it out. I do not want this to ruin my marriage. I love my family my husband very much. This is not something that I feel comfortable about telling even my best friend I am very embarrassed by it so for a long time I would just voice my concerns to my H but he doesnt seem to listen or care what I have to say about the issue but thank you again.