I posted here a few weeks ago,I was addicted to prescription meds.,and put myself into detox and quit alchol and everything,and continue to go to AA,my WH has been in al anon for almost a year,when I was gone he told me while I was in detox,he was filing for divorce,and wanted me to sign over my children(we have a 9,5,and 3 year old)
Also the house and leave like I was not here,I did not do that,the house I could loose,but not my chidlren,I have continued to go to AA,and have a wonderful sponser and support there,well,the divorce he never filed,which I did not want at all,I love him with all my heart,we have been married and together for 12 years,well last week,he says he is not so eager for the divorce as he was,and I asked for a chance for us to build a new relationship slowly he agreed,yesterday,not even thinking as things have been going great,I gave him a small kiss,he frooze,and did not sleep last night,as he says he cannot let go anything that has happened,(me using the meds)and not sure he will ever trust me again,some days he feel we will make it and some he does not,I know he is full of anger and hurt,and I know time just needs time,but is this hopeless,I have been just doing what I need to do,and feel if it is meant then it will,is it possible for the love he once had to come back for me,or is all hope gone,thanks

(((Iriffs)))

Last time I posted to you I spoke a little about operating out of an attitude of gratitude, did you bring that topic up with your sponsor?

“””well last week, he says he is not so eager for the divorce as he was, and I asked for a chance for us to build a new relationship slowly he agreed”””

Horay…. OK so what was the topic again? Oh yeah, he cannot decide to stay or go. Well I got news for you dear, he decided. He agreed to SLOWLY work on the relationship. You cannot control the tempo in which he regains trust and faith in you. You cannot control the speed at which he does anything. So cut to the bottom line, THANK GOD, he has decided to work on things. That is a miracle, be grateful. You got that second chance that so many addicts don’t get.

“””yesterday, not even thinking as things have been going great”””

AWESOME, so you recognize that y’all are making progress, be grateful for that. Sure, you are not where you desire to be yet but things are going “great” so be grateful.

“””he says he cannot let go anything that has happened,(me using the meds)and not sure he will ever trust me again”””

WOW…. Honesty, that’s probably not something y’all had previously in your relationship. But honestly, that’s his deal not yours. I’m quite sure he’s struggling with trust and I’m sure you would too if the shoe were on the other foot. And again, this is all pretty fresh. The only thing you can do is your part of the leg work in hopes that if you continue to do the next right thing over and over again that he’ll begin to feel safe enough to afford you trust. As far as him letting go of things, let’s put that on the back burner and not focus on it until you’ve completed your 9th step. By then, you should be on a different spiritual plane and some time will also aided in healing the wounds you inflicted upon him.

“””some days he feel we will make it and some he does not”””

More of that honesty, but the bottom line is that when he could of thrown your azz out, took your kidz, and screwed royally with the finances, he didn’t. He’s there, right there. He’s agreed to work through it despite these feelings. Be grateful.

“””I know he is full of anger and hurt, and I know time just needs time, but is this hopeless”””

In other words, you want what you want and you want it when you want it. That’s a typical addict there. If you know you hurt him and you know he needs time then why in the world are you already throwing hopeless in there? If it were hopeless he would have taken action while you were in detox, I know that I would have. If anything, right now it’s full of hope. Please don’t let your attitude control the altitude at which hope floats. I will guarantee you one thing, pop another pill or drink another drop and hope will depart quickly.

“””I have been just doing what I need to do, and feel if it is meant then it will, is it possible for the love he once had to come back for me, or is all hope gone”””

I like your little negative spin there on the end…… Not only is it possible to rebuild what you had it’s possible for it to be so much better than you ever could have imagined. But in that journey you can only control your side of the street and you can only work your program.

How long have you been sober? What step are you on in AA?