Well this is my first post here. I will do my best to explain my situation.
My H and I will be married for 5 years in June. We met in collection 12 years ago and have been together since then. The first few years of our marriage were great. But the last 2 years things have gone south.
One of the things that has always bothered me about my H is that he at many points in his life has these female friends that he becomes close with. He's a very social person and always wants to go out to dinners, bars, whatever. He would always try and get me to be friends with these women that he met through work, usually, but I could just never.
Basically what appens is that I get angry with him about these 'friendships' he's had, so he end up breaking them off. In the 12 years that i've known him, there have been 5 such girl 'friends'.
One thing I should say is that I never ever believe that he has cheated on me. I think perhaps these women were a SA boost for him. I never once thought anything except jealousy on my part until now....
The very latest 'friend' he has made at work has a deep interest in skiing. So for the last few months he has been going to day long ski trips with her. Most of the time it's just the 2 of them. I don't go because I hate skiing. I am totally afraid of it.
The latest ski trip he left at 5:45 am and didn't get home until almost 1 AM. I know the drive is long, it's about 4 hours each way, but seriously?
He also goes out to lunch with her every friday. It's something that really bothers me, but he won't stop doing it.
Very recently he radically changed his behavior. He gave up eating meat and drinking and he has lost a considerable amount of weight.
He also now schedules his gym time when she is also at the gym. We all belong to the same gym.
I don't know what to think at this point. I know I am the jealous type, but I am crazy? Is there something going on?
I've flat out asked him if there's anything going on but he says no. And even if there wasn't anything going on, I feel like he spends too much time with this person.
Over the last two years our marriage has fallen apart. It's not all his fault but also mine. I believe that I am suffering from some kind of psychological disorder and need to seek treatment. I have used drugs and alcohol to subside my feelings of depression and anxiety. I have cried almost every day for the past 2 months sometimes in an uncontrollable manner.
We have a basically sexless marriage, which is mostly my fault. We never had any romance. We barely speak. The only thing we have in common are our 2 dogs and a video game we play. There are a myriad of other things I could comment on.
Last night we had a huge conversation about what we should do about our marriage, perhaps seek conseling. He told me that he loved me but wasn't in love with me. He said we were like friends and not lovers. He said perhaps we would have a better life apart.
I tried to initiate sex last night and he denied me for the first time ever!
I'm at the brink. I know alot of the problem we have are my fault. I love m husband very very much and want to stay with him but I don't know what to do or say. I feel like he is about to leave me.
It's supposed to snow this week, so that means lots of snow in the mountains. I am sitting here crying just thinking about him being gone all day on saturday skiing.
I know this post is kinda mixed up but I have so many things in me head. What do I do? I am lost.
