I love this website! I was reading through things and someone had mentioned classmates.com to find someone. While I would love to contact OW parents to let them know what their daughter has done, I found out that her 20 year high school reunion is this year. Would it be a bad thing if I posted a message something like this:

Warning: All Classmates and Spouses: Ms. XXXXXX likes to have affairs with married men. Beware.

will that help your marriage?

Chalk it up to things you'd "like to do", but thought better of...

Remember, exposure is an act of love, not vengence.

SD

My thought wasn't really vengeful, I just have been told that she has said she "isn't through with him yet" looking for a way to head that off. What's the difference between this or letting her parents know?

A phone call directly to the parents, as opposed to having to fight off a libel suit, or worse.

It's your parade... you can enter whatever float you choose.

Best wishes,
SD

Are you trying to recover your marriage or trying to disrupt the active affair?

It's unclear.

no, that wouldnt make you a bad person.....but it might not be wise.

I agree outing the affair to her parents or whoever might be a good idea....once they get out into the light, things can change.

we all have our little plans of revenge...believe me, I have a whole epic novel up in my head about ways to kill her, humiliate her, get her fired, etc etc etc...it goes on and on.

But YOU need to be the better person...YOU did nothing wrong....keep it that way.

I like your statement about the parade. I understand the libel suit, but it's not libel because it isn't false, but I imagine I would still have to fight it.

So I will most likely go the parents route.

Thanks.

Recover, I think, though I am not entirely sure. He tells me it is over, has been over, yet have been told he "drives" by her house. She has made statements that she is not "done" with him and is looking forward to a confrontation with me at fundraiser we hold every year.

You are right. I probably already knew this, otherwise I wouldn't have looked for opinions. I love your quote at the bottom.

Thanks.

If you are open to some friendly, but unsolicited advice, here's a couple things for you to consider. These are unrelated to your topic here.

When people here respond to thread, most of them prefer to have "newbies" like yourself keep all your posts on one thread. That way, all your information is all there for people to access. The more that is known about your situation, the more specific advice can be given.

Secondly, your "identity" or the moniker seems demeaning. You are not "stupid", you are a victim of someone elses choices. There are lots of us who didn't see the affair coming, but that doesn't make us stupid. In 20-20 hindsight, we all should have been more perceptive, but not necessarily "smarter". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, you might want to consider sticking with one "main" thread, so you'll get the best, most informed responses, and whether you change your moniker and "start over" is entirely up to you. These are just suggestions...

SD

I think you really need to settle down (I know it is hard and you are very stressed), and start working Plan A. That includes showing him what a great wife you can be with no disrespectful judgements or angry outbursts.

It also includes exposure. So expose to her parents, your family, your children, and any of the classmates that you know.

The affair may still be going on. Exposure is the quickest way to end it.

Besides the excellent advice you have already received here is something else to think about. I'm pretty sure in order to post messages on classmates you have to be a paying member. Even if you chose to post under a fictitious name you would still have to include some personal information because a credit card is required. In return OW could press charges against you for harassment.

Surely it's a long shot, but it is possible.

Focus your energy on yourself and your marriage, not her.