Hello,
I am new here and I cant even remember if I posted my story, so here is a quick recap.
BH - (me) 32
WW - 33
Dating - 4years
Married - 9
One child - Jake 2years old
We live in IL (important for later)
I was a homebody in my mid to late 20's - played video games, watched movies while WW would go see family. Asked if it bothered her, she said no.
I would also use excuse of work to avoid doing things I did not want to and she would have to go alone. Still insisted it did not bother her.
Straw that broke the camel's back - Jan '06 I did not attend her best friend's wedding which she was maid of honor in b/c of work (I know that was dumb, in hindsight - at time I thought it was ok <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> )
Feb '06 - WW in conference in Phoenix and saw OM - said she was immediately attracted to him and they exchanged cell phone numbers (he lives in OPH, is married and has 3 kids)
May '06 - she falls ourt of love with me
Aug '06 - she falls in love with him - they talk every day or every other day up to 50 minutes a day on way to/from work
Dec '06 - says she not happy with life
Jan '07 - says she not happy with marriage, work or where she is in life
Feb '07 - says she not happy with marriage
March 9th, 2007 - Says she no longer has feelings for me, that she had feelings for someone else but it scared her and she stopped
March 22nd - says she loves OM, they have been talking since Feb '06 and that nothing physical ever happened, just that they have an EA, and that she does not love me and wants a divorce. She felt alone in our marriage and grew used to it - now she wants to be alone - the house represents misery to her. I say forgive me for what I did, and I will forgive you - let's work on the marriage and go to counseling and you stop contatc with OM immediately - she leaves for the weekend, and says she will NOT stop talking to him and will NOT go to counseling
March 25th - She WILL go to counseling and will stop talking to him, but feels it is too late because she no longer has feelings for me
March 28th - He calls her - she tells him we can't talk anymore, good bye and hangs up.
March 30th - 1st MC session (together)
April 3rd - Her first IC - same therapist as above
April 4th - I read Surviving an Affair in 1 hour and 12 minutes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
April 7th - OK here it gets confusing. Driving home I say to her we need to talk. She says ok. I say several people have mentioned this to me, that what type of guy only talks to a girl on the phone unless they want to get somwhere physical or have already been there. She insists the worst they did was hug once and touch hands - they never even kissed (I believe that she is telling me the truth - she repeated this same statement sever al times since March 22nd - the only new twist was the hug, which to me is not that big of a deal). SO I bring up Survivng an Affair and contacting his wife - but I told her I would not if she knew he would not call - she said he would not because of the conversation on March 27th. I said ok, how do I know you won't call him? She said because the whole thing was stupid - it would never go anywhere and that she feels like she was using as an excuse because she thought I would react by throwing her out and D when I heard and not try to fight to stay married.
April 10th - I have first IC with same therapist - therapist thinks WW needs to discover herself before we can work on marriage because she has HUGE communication issues
OK, so two questions:
1.) I know it was an EA - but how concerned should I be if, in the time frame of two weeks, it went from I love him not you BYE to it was stupid and unrealistic.
2) What should we concentrate on first - her IC or fixing our marriage?
Thanks!
