My H told me he was leaving on 2/13/07. Said he loved me, he was not 'in love' with me. I found MB and tried to meet all of his needs! He would respond positively while the need was being met, but each time it backfired the next day and he pulled a little father away. He quit his job and left 3*16*07. Moved in with his brother's family -he sleeps in the living room! It is 180 miles away. He was paying their bills, buying the kids stuff, tok the kids camping and fishing, etc. He went thru about $4700 dollars in 2 months. I then found McDonald's Stop Your Divorce and downloaded it for $80. I have been following that advice for a month now, and H is still not home. It seemed to work at first, I stopped calling him , so he called me 2-3 times a day. Great! But it waned. He was coming every weekend to get his stuff. Once he came alone, so we had sex, etc. Then I thought of what McD said and told him "sex is for my husband who lives with me". Since then things have cooled. So I downloaded another e-book for $50 - alot of the same advice as McD's) I am very fast running out of money, as I have the bulk of the financial responsibility and he did not work for a month. I will probably lose the house if things are not resolved quickly. He calls about once a day (but not yet today and it is 9:34pm). I don't know what to say, what not to say, etc. I am so confused!!! I bought Divorce Busters and read it and have tried a couple of those techniques. Like telling him how I was happpy that he is happy living with his brother and being responsible for everyone. How I overestimated him but was glad he settle for a 7$ an hour job. Etc. (A 180 on wht I would have normally said. He asked me if I was happy. I didn't know what to say!!! Do I say no.. I miss you? Do I say yes, I am happy. So I said, Things are going good. Some of this stuff is contradictory. I am so confused. He just called! He wanted to see how my day went. I was smiling in my voice. I asked if he was coming on Friday (he had mentioned it last call) he said probably not. I told him I was going to see if he wanted to see the movie 300. He said with gas prices and all, he only has 100 and change left till his payday from his new job. Talked briefly about the cat he took with him. He said he would call me tomorrow. I would greatly appreciate any advice from poeple who have successfully turned things around. Especially about what to say, not say, do and not do. I don't want to push him away like McD says. E-mailed McD and he said 1. act like I don't love him 2. date others. I thought about Mort Fertel's program, but I do not have 400 dollars at my disposal. I bought Live Your Best Life, and The Purpose Driven Life, and they have helped me personally, but not with the sitch. I feel like my head is going to explode from trying to figure out what to do! I am willing and eager to meet his needs! I love him more than anyone else on this planet! yet I know I must submit to God's will. I have been asking God to show me what He wants me to do. Yet I feel so lost! Any advice would be so appreciated. PS: He says he wants to be friends. He is not hostile. Just gone.
Other info:
Me - 40 yrs., 1st grade teacher
Him -41 yrs., just changed jobs
Mrd - 19 yrs.
no kids, just pets

did he say why he was leaving? what do you suspect?

He said he doesn't want to be married anymore. He doesn't want the responsibility. He had recently admitted to 3 sex encounters about 8 yrs ago. He said they were pure sex. He wants to live with family a few months to pay off his credit cards, then move far far far over the ocean far away so he doesn't have to worry and can have a fresh start. That is what he said. Now I know it is not working out that way. I think it is some sort of midlife crisis. I think he is not happy with himself and doesn't want to work on it.

He did call today while I was at work at about 4:30. I was happy he called and told him "I was hoping it was you calling!" I hope it was not the wrong thing. I am so worried about saying or doing the wrong thing! He seemed ok with it. Again, he said he just wanted to see how my day was going. he sadi he will call later. It is 9:01 so he will probably call before 10pm. I know we can fix this if he would just come home! I know to back off, meet his needs yet not be to clingy. I know to focus ont he future and not the past. Yes I have forgiven him and have told him so. I think he has not forgiven himself yet. I just keep reading everything I can and praying as much as I can. Any adive would be sooooo helpful. I am thinking about seeing a christian marriage counselor a friend has recommended. By the way, his family is on my side as is everyone we know.

I am not sure that you should be worried so much about what you say. It sounds like you are trying to follow advice that will help you get him back. However, he doesn't seem to want to get back.

I am not trying to be harsh. Actually, I am envious because I have wanted to leave my wife since I discovered her infidelities a year ago. Unfortunately, our children complicate the issue. Whatever I decide (either to stay or to leave) does not seem to be in their best interest and either choice makes me feel selfish.

I think I'm deluding myself that things will ever be the way they were before. I know that without children, I would make the painful decision to leave her and start a new life. It is just so hard and I've never really had closure.

My advice to you (for whatever it is worth) is to try to pick up the pieces of your life with the assumption that he is not coming back. If you can, try to stop waiting for those phone calls and what words you should say.

Do not close the door with him. Simply let him know that if he needs a new start then so do you. Hopefully, he will be able to pick up the pieces of his life and down the road, you can reconcile with the knowledge that you are truly better people. Good luck!