don't really know were to start i am currently dating the most wonderful and perhaps the most thoughtful person I have ever met we have been dating about three months the only problem is his ex wife she is not present physically but is constantly on his mind. they had no children together but he mentions her at least once on every date he knows this bothers me because i have told him so I have never been married and don't have any children. the ex cheated on him after an eight year relationship I pray constantly that God will take care of this but i can feel no comfort in my heart I don't want half of a man but a whole person I feel that i need some advice I am trying to take things slow I have only been in two relationships both of which were long term and not very good overall for my self esteem. I also don't want to end up being a substitute for someone he has told me repeatedly that his family will absolutely love me and that i am a much nicer person than she was. I really am at a crossroads I trust deeply in my heavenly father he has always loved and protected me no matter how lonely the road or how tough the storm I don't know if he talks about her to just vent since this is his first relationship after his divorce which ended two years ago or if she still has a hold on him she did try to make amends but according to him he could never trust her again and never could take her bach he is also the only one in his family to divorce and i know that this has hurt him badly

IMHO, I'd toss him back. Even if he's just venting, he's got too much emotion tied up with her to be a good candidate for you. Let me guess, you are the first woman he's dated since his divorce? He needs to do some more healing. Being with you puts off feeling the pain and slows the healing process. You deserve soemon who is whole.

Getting involved with a divorced person whose divorce is not yet FINAL for at least one full calendar year is an emotional tight-rope walk. And some people need even more time. He is still grieving. Why would you want to be someone's handkerchief? And why would you want a man who would use you as one?

I agree with pieta. Just went through a full ear of the same with someone who kept bringing up his x's. Even compared me to one of the more than once. He had been divorced from her for years but for some reason he couldn't shut up about her good or bad points, (she even cheated on him). I was willing to give him time because I knew he'd have to get past her, but that ended up being the beginnig of even more problems. Come to find out he is also a sex addict, porn included. He's into pain during sex - even said, "punish me" once and enjoyed it. He wanted me to be into the pain game too and it just doesn't work for me. Come to find out, anytime we had a rough time he turned to the internet and cheated on me instead of trying to work through the problems.
Even counseling didn't help. When I told him not to contact me again, it was only about three weeks before he asked another girl to marry him (and supposedly only knew her for a total of six weeks). She didn't know what she was getting into an said yes. All I can say it now she'll get to find out what his controlling, abusive, and addicted self is all about.
Take care of yourself!! Back off!! It hurts just as much even if you don't "tie the knot" legally!!