Meeting my wife for dinner in an HOUR...would should I say/do???? HELP!!!

Here my original post: First post

Well, like everyone has told you - married for less than a year, no kids, and she is already cheating on you.........

But if you insist you want to try to save this, be happy, upbeat, and don't discuss the relationship.

so nothing about getting back together and nothing about the affair anything else...man i'm hella nervous

okay... here's what I suggest...
I am not big on ultamatums... but in this case, you are in the drivers seat... no kids, short investment of time... so, you tell her

she signs a post nuptual agreement that specifies that you get every marriage asset in the event of another affair or continued contact.... if she says yes to this...move forward to the next requirement (if she says no, cordially excuse yourself and hire a bull dog attorney and divorce her).
she immediately enters IC and MC to get to the bottom of this stuff. Lies will not be tolerated and you reserve the right if the need exists to have her submit to a polygraph exam.
This stuff would be non negotiable to me. If she wants the marriage and plans on being faithful she will readily agree to this stuff in order to get another chance. If not...I would suggest head right to plan divorce.

MEDC

wait, I just read your situation... she is living with him and you have only been married 9 months... get rid of her! She's not worth the time or effort it will take to resolve this matter.

i wish i had answers for you.. your sitch sounds very familiar to me. like this:
my exes ow, well, she and her h were together 5 years before they married. they are around early to mid 20's. they married in july of 04 and by october of 04 she was sleeping with my h. so they had the history like you do and the short length of time married. she went back and forth, left her h, got an apartment, they went to counseling, but she stayed in contact with my h. they got back together, she moved back home, they talked about building a new house and having a baby. she goes up to him one day (in around may 05, so still not married a full year yet), tells her h she just doesn't want to be married, wants to be on her own. moves out, gets an apartment, he even helps her move. of course, by summer she hooked back up with my h and they moved in together when i booted him out.

so, i wish i knew what to tell you. her h wanted their marriage very badly too. however, given how this woman has acted, he is MUCH better off without her. i have had dealings with her since both marriages broke up. she is nuts. emails that are nasty to me, than emails that say she is sorry. they are both whacks if you ask me.

i have the feeling you are only going to hear wayward babble and fog tonight. make sure to where you hip boots. sorry to be negative, but myself and ow's ex have sure lived through this scenerio.
i sure hope i am wrong.

mlhb

thanks for the advice

My husband cheated on me the first year we were married.

Again two years later.


Again 30 years later.

I should have seen the writing on the wall when we had:


NO KIDS
WERE ONLY MARRIED LESS THAN A YEAR
AND WE COULD HAVE FIXED THINGS A LOONNNGGGG TIME AGO.

If I had Marriage Builders back then, maybe we could have fixed it, because it was a ONS, and WE LOVED EACH OTHER. We were both on the same page, and worked hard. But now, 30 years later, I wonder. I really wonder now, if I shouldn't have done something differently 32 years ago.

In your case, your WH has moved out, says she loves another man, and has been living with him for awhile now.


Consider this a lesson learned very early in your life.

Move on.

Consider not going to dinner at all. Or anywhere else but divorce court.

SB

Please don't have kids with her. Its one thing for an informed adult to VOLUNTEER to live with infidelity, but a crime to knowingly subject innocent children to such he11. I would get yourself fixed if you do go back with her.

Just my very humble opinion but................

been there done that...............

second marriage, no kids together but I stupidly stuck around long enough for him to adopt my D from my first M

cheated on me in the first year.............

I vote for leaving. But........... I ain't been so good at following the good advice I've gotten here.

You just have to wonder what possesses a person to cheat when you should still be in your honeymoon phase.

And, if they cheat when everything should be good and life rosy, what happens when you go through the hard times. Will you go through it as a team or will she wander again?

Question to ponder ..... what are you saving?

i been with her for 9 years and i don't want to give that up yet

then set conditions for her returning.. see my earlier post

names,



I truly am not trying to be funny nor sarcastic but...........will being with her 10 years make the inevitable any easier to accomplish?

well i'm about to head out and have a "wonderful" dinner again thanks everyone i'm taking everyone advice and rolling it into hopefully one good one

Well, that is not a good reason to stay with anyone. Length of time together does not make a bad marriage good. Nor does it make her a fit parent for your future children. You should make that decision based on whether or not she can make a good wife. Your time together is irrelevant to the issue.