Well just when you think it's over...you get pulled back in. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Here is a recap...
- Spring 2005 sense something is not right with WW as we withdraw from each other.
- Summer 2005 discover EA with co-worker
- Discover MB and implimanet Plan A
- Expose to her family and employer...she goes nuts
- WW becomes increasingly distant, cold and nasty
- October 11, 2005 I discover PA by placing voice activated recorder in WW's car (worst day of my life and hit rock bottom as a BS)
- Re-expose PA to WW's family, WW says I will see "papers" by the end of the week...she is at her absolute worst
- Continue to Plan A and negotiate NC with OM
- WW reluctantly writes NC letter and mails it to OM
- Christmas holidays were horrible and I felt like a sitting duck...I suspect contact
- I hire a PI who confirms WW is still working at OM's office
- January 2006 I start cancelling joint accounts and prepare for seperation that WW is insistent on getting and I have lost hope with renewed contact.
- February 2006, we start sleeping in seperate beds
- February 2006, seperation paperwork is initiated
- March 2006 I am loosing $LB for WW and need Plan B, but she won't leave until LSA signed and secures her own place
- I begin to resent and hate WW
- June 2006 I start down the slippery slope of my own EA with a girl at work
- With help from friends here...I put an end to it.
- August 4, 2006 WW moves out and I miss my family
- August 18 I go into a VERY DARK Plan B
- August 18...my RECOVERY begins! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
- September 2006, WW threatens to seek custody if I do not "co-operate" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
- She gets angry and threatens...my response is SILENCE and DARKNESS!
- October 2006 WW tries to break my Plan B again, tell me she is seeing IC and wants to talk about our problems
- October 2006 I send WW email restating my Plan B conditions and telling WW "I want nothing to do with you" if she can't meet my conditions
- No response from WW
- November 2006, WW says sorry for first time and accepts responsibility for most of our problems
- I am explicity clear with my boundaries (NC with OM now and forever, committ to our M)
- WW states NC is in place with OM and invites me over for dinner.
- 2 days later she cancels her invitation after I accept <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
- I become angry and go ever darker in my Plan B
- February 2007, I feel $LB emptying and send WW an olive branch as final attempt on my part
- She is "not sure" and I go back to dark Plan B
- March 2007 I begin to prepare myself for D and try to see if I'm ready for it

- April 13, 2007 (today)
- WW leaves me a message and asks if I want to come over for coffee on Sunday night.
- I'm guarded and not sure now as I feel very good about my self and situation
- I don't want to be sucked into one of her fishing expeditions

Not sure how I will answer.

It's almost been 2 years since this all started!

my feeling about this

If you think you can take another possible heart-break-rejection ... I say [color:"purple"] sure, why not? [/color]

however if this means:



being at her home
on her turf
in her crib

NO

someplace neutral
someplace public

and YOU show up 20 minutes LATE

Pep

Hope,

Sorry but your " dark Plan B" and my definition of Plan B are miles apart. Every time you caved your Plan, you pumped her up with more sense of entitlement and knowledge THAT YOU ARE STILL THERE.

Nothing to be gained by meeting with your still devout WW.

"I have plans this Sunday. What did you have in mind?"

I say make her work for it. She needs to tell you first what she wants so you can see if you are interested in what she has to offer. She is not entitled to see you, she must EARN IT.

Two years??? Thats a long time so are you still committed to your marriage? I feel i'm going down the same road right now.

If your Plan B letter was clear then the conditions for future contact should be so too.

I would not fool around with coming late, public or private spaces and so on. I would plainly send a reply stating that your willingness to meet her for coffee is totally dependent on her agenda. If she wants to talk to you about things stated in your Plan B letter then you will consider meeting her. Otherwise things remain as is.

HTW - I was following your stitch since I first found MB almost 2 yrs ago.

I had thought November would have been the breakthrough but since that was anthr fishing expedition - you are rightfully careful of another.

You should get more info like what is her agenda. Her agenda could be anywhere from D planning to reconcilation or somewhere in between. Need to be mentally prepared for any scenario.

The good news is you have the choice whether to meet or not.

Lay out an agenda for the meeting in a public place as mentioned above. Agenda should include how she will meet the PBL requirements as an action item. Almost business like - keeps the emotions in control if you accept her invitation.

Good luck on either decision you make.

HTW.. just wanted to check in and tell you that I wish you well. Whatever decision you make will be the best for you. To not go may leave you wondering with "what-if's" forever but to go may just put you back into a cycle.

You are a better / stronger person now ... nothing you have said makes me believe that this is nothing but another fishing expedition.

I have a friend who has been divorced for 4 years. His ex-wife sitll calls at 1 in the morning to "see how he is doing.." No one knows your situation more intimately than you, but it is obvious that the woman that you fell in love with and married, is long gone.

Sounds to me as if she wants you squarely in the "friend zone".

Hope? What happened.

Not much really.

We went out with the kids for a bite to eat and it was obvious that we both had our defences up. Not much was said to each other as I really wasn't prepared to open myself up to her.

I was waiting to see what she was bringing to the table...and it wasn't much.

She was all done up, hair, makeup, clothes, smelled nice, but to be honest I really didn't feel much for her and if it were a first date I would not be calling her back for date #2.

I'm not sure I really want to recover my M anymore as I don't feel any love for her right now.

I thought I would feel awful about seeing her again and instead I feel indiffent...I almost pity her.

The night ended with no indication of where this will proceed so now I just sit back and continue to move on as I will not be persuing her. She needs to put alot of effort into it this at least peak my interest.

HTW, I have been receiving emails from my WH stating that he is hurting, needs help for himself, etc and so on.

I'm waiting to SEE what he is saying. It has been nearly two years for me too. For a long time, *I* was part of the problem, hindering recovery by helping WH dig his hole. I'm on solid ground now. He can fish all he wants; I don't much enjoy fishing.

I hope that you take time with this new development. You still have no idea what WW was up to.