I wanted to list a few things I learned here on MB, before I sign off. It's time to move on for me, and I owe a debt of gratitude to this board, and so many people here, whose faces I will never see, and voices I will never hear.

Plank, Mel, Pep (although I think there's a band with her), ForeverHers, MEDC, LilSis, Saturn, Athanasius, and many others...if I forgot you, please forgive me. I'm terrible with names! One of my many flaws.

Since I'm such a linear thinker (and my bosses tend to be annoyed at lists!), I thought I would post a list of some of the many things I learned here. Feel free to add some of your own. I might pop back and check on them. I don't plan to post much anymore, because I hope to be working outside now, building a new deck, remodeling my house, and trying to get back to what I did before the nuclear bomb went off in my marriage. I think I need to get off the chair, away from the computer, and put into action what I have learned here from so many good people.

1. Acronyms! BS doesn't means bullsh*t anymore!
2. More people recover marriages from affairs than go straight to divorce. Never knew that.
3. ENs should be the focus of what I "do" - and they change. I should pay attention to what he needs, and how his needs change, as well as my own.
4. Time together - make the time, and take the time.
5. Listen.
6. Listen.
7. Listen.
8. Giver. Taker.
9. Bwwwwahahahahahaaaaaaa!
10. Plans A, B, D.
11. The ever important, but only to be utilized in extreme emergencies, Plan F-U. (And it has worked for me!)
12. Wait for things to happen. You don't need to control everything. In fact, you ARE NOT IN CONTROL OF ANYTHING that you thought you were in control of.
13. The choice to have an affair is always, 100% on the WS.
14. The condition of the marriage prior to the affair is jointly shared by both the BS and the WS.
15. The recovery of a marriage after an affair is very hard work, and the BS and FWS both will not be at the same point in the recovery curve at the same time. This results in a "rollercoaster" effect, with lots of ups and downs.
16. The trauma of the affair on the BS is much like PTSD, and can take two years for recovery.
17. It takes two people, fully engaged, to make recovery happen. And it ain't easy. It's probably actually easier to walk away.

18. There comes a time to move on. To move on into the new life beyond the affair, into the the rest of our - the best of our - marriage. Where the affair is not the focus. Where the marriage is the focus, where the new life is the focus, where the affair is not the thing we wake up with, and go to sleep with. Time to "let go". I have to let go, because the Affair (it has become an entity unto itself!) has become an anchor to moving ahead. I have reached a turning point. I know that I can hold this anchor chain and stay "here" in this place, with the Affair holding me, and choose to focus on The Affair (what you talk about is what you think about, and vice-versa), or I can move into action and focus on other things.

I must move on.

So it is that I leave MB.

What I shall talk about now, and think about now, will be deck supplies, lumber, remodeling, and my cognitive theories, biological bases of learning disorders, brain-based dysfunctions, analyses of communications, linguistics, origins of language and thought......fun stuff. No more "all affair, all the time".



19. I learned to forgive, yet again.


Yours,
Schoolbus

Husband 56
Me 50
Two daughters 30, 23

Marriage recovered.
We now rejoin your regularly scheduled life together.
Thank you, Marriage Builders

Schoolbus (did you put your name origin on the NAME GAME thread?)

Thanks for all your time, commitment and insights over the year. I've read your posts for months and regret that this is my first post to you. But thanks and please stop by occasionally, if for no other reason but to see how far some of us have progressed because of your (and other vet's) investment in us newbies, the potential MB vets of tomorrow.

Ace

Love the list

Schoolbus, I've said this before but I want to say it again- you saved my life. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but I was close to suicidal last August on my D-day. Your words were perfect to help me snap out of it and get my head together. You are a true angel, and I'll never forget you.

I understand why you need to leave now. I took a break last month- it was good to not think about all this pain. Messdup and I still have work to do, so we're back, but we both enjoyed our "vacation" from recovery work.

Please pop your head back in periodically to touch base with us, like Turtlehead did yesterday. I think it's helpful for new people to see that it is possible to recover from infidelity.

I'll miss you schoolbus but I'm glad "you made it". I knew you would!

Best wishes,
~Saturn

School,

I've always liked your poster name. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Your list is good for us. Thank you for sharing it.

The best thing is that you know yourself well enough to know when to move forward.

We went to the Disney movie last night: Meet the Robinson's and I didn't know one of Walt Disney's mottos was to 'keep moving forward'. I am sure it had other meanings than what we use here but it runs on the same principal.

Good words to live by.

You have given us the memorable pleasure of your wit and knowledge. For that we are blessed. Please continue to share it with others in your future encounters. You never know who you will help. If we all did this, there definitely w/b less evil and stupid acts to deal with. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

All the best,
L.

Schoolbus:

Come back and visit often!

You were our very own Mrs. Frizzle! Of magic Schoolbus fame!

LG

Schoolbus:

Just wanted to say thanks so much for your assistance in crafting my response letter to my WW.

You will be missed.

Congratulations on your recovery.

Schoolbus:

Saturn told me this evening over dinner that you were leaving and I must say I was selfishly disappointed to learn this. You have added so much insight and intelligent thought to our marital discussions (and our lives) and we will miss you dearly. On the same note though, Saturn and I are very happy for you and for the better place you find yourself and your marriage. You go girl! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wishing all the best...
MU

PS: I loved your list; especially #18. I'm looking forward to that one most of all.

All the best SchoolBus. God Bless You.

Thanks for everything, Schoolbus. Good luck.

schoolbus - Go with God. You are never alone.

Best wishes for your continued rebuilding of your marriage and for your search for a good "church home."

God bless.

SB...

I've long loved reading your posts here...Thank you for sharing part of you...

Mrs. W<~~~Gonna Miss Da Bus <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

SB,

I agree with what MrsW said above...

We're all going to miss da Bus from time to time.

Stop back and check in every once in a while.

The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious unto you;
The Lord turn His face toward you
and give you peace...

Mark

Hey SB!! I am so glad you came back. I wanted to thank you for your help when I saw that you were leaving. How is everything? It's good to see you are back. You and I am sure you know this are always welcome.