The cat comes out of the bag tomorrow. I will be calling everyone, and going to visit WH's family tomorrow. I'm calling my friends, his friends, couple friends, everyone who doesn't know, will know by the end of the week. Incase I forget to tell someone, I know the word will spread.

This is part of plan A, that I have not fully set to, so how much time do I give this to work?

I found out that the 7th, he was out with her again, and had his hands on her (as her text message stated). He admitted it was all true. Yet again, I discover something, and he comes crawling for forgiveness... I simply can not live like this.

How long do I give, everyone knowing, before moving to Plan B.

Before going to Plan B, how do I make everything "ok" for me and my kids. I do daycare out of the home, and make a very little $400 a month! Its just supplemental income for the kids sports, and activities. Likewise we only have one vehicle... that leaves me stranded with kids in sports, and no way to get groceries. Alone I don't have the credit nor the savings to even get a rundown car for me and the kids to squeeze into (2 carseats and a booster, make for squished rides).

What should be my plan of action if we get to Plan B? I was firm last night that he needs to choose me OR her, there is no middle ground. I told him he had a choice in what he wants, and if he wants me he needed to write/call her infront of me, and say its over, and he needed to focus on his family. And that two, he had to start looking for a new job immediately. After 4 hours of meandering last night, he wrote her.

He's been pining for her ALL week, because shes been mad at him, why? I dont know. But she knows I know, and thats when she got mad.

I obviously don't make enough with daycare to support my family, at the same time, I really, really want my marriage to work, and I really dont want to lose the boy I babysit (its DS's best friend, since they were 1, now 4).... I don't want to be unlogical, or burn any bridges.

I didn't finish college, because it was our plan for me to stay at home and raise the kids, and now I feel so absolutely inadequate to support my children.
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Can you expand your daycare business?
I'd start with that -- you need to be able to support yourself. Start calculating child support. What would he have to pay you each month.

Just start getting your ducks in a row....

sg, Lexxy is right, you need to figure out how to support yourself and get a CAR. You must have a car, even if you have to borrow the money somewhere. Most car dealers can set you up with a lender so you could get a small, inexpensive car for $200-300 a month.

Purchase and read "Surviving an Affair". It will help you understand the dynamics of affairs, and how to take action to bust it up.

Go ahead with the exposure, and do it all in one fell swoop. No hesitation or hedging, just do it. Exposure is the single most effective way to bring problems to the affair.

Plan A must go on successfully for 2-3 months before you should consider Plan B.

Expect a firestorm of anger from the WS when he learns of the exposure. He'll threaten divorce, leaving and spew pure venom for a few days. The madder he gets, the more effective your exposure has been.

Use this information on this website to give yourself the self-confidence to do this. It's a proven plan, and it works. It just takes a long time to resolve infidelity issues. Hang in there!

SD

That would not be a valid reason to not seek to support your family with an outside job if you must. You son can still have his best friend whether you babysit him or not. You just may not have that luxury anymore. With a marriage in this state, you have to prepare yourself to support yourself, just in case.

I realize that my sons friend is not going to support my family. I am just feeling a lot of loss here and how its effecting my children, and it makes me sad. I want to shelter them and protect them, and by being able to care for them is what I need to do. Which is why I made this post and came here.

posting on this discussion board is just fine for brainstorming ideas ... but it not actually DOING anything that will protect/shelter your little ones

we are here to help you make a plan, if that is what you want

but it is up to you to actually work the plan to the best of your ability

Pep