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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20 |
My wife and i have been together 7 years and have always been very close so much so people have commented on it.She is and always has been my whole world but about 3 months ago i started getting the feeling something may be going on. About a week ago we had our D-Day she left for a couple days and is now back with me she agreed to counciling but now its maybe she quit her job because of this guy but she goes for a walk every night and is inseperable from her phone...is she talking to him? ...D-Day i heard i love you im just not in love with you and she had been faking it for 3 years.since we are back together I hate to start the fight all over but should i accuse her of talking to him?
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20 |
I confronted the guy and that didnt go as wel as i had hoped.He said no way!any way i shoulda stopped there but didnt, threatening him and later tried to appeal to his sympathetic side..you cant reason with some people anyway im done with that.Decided to try to win her over and our marriage is showing signs of improvement.its only been a week our sex life has improved along with everything else and she says ive been very affectionate and have made a point to spend all the time i can with her...BUT in her phone she calls me TOOL am i being used? or is she still in the withdrawl stage from him? I keep telling her we can get thru this if we both work on it maybe im just being impatient?
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20 |
She said she needed time and that kinda goes along with the withdrawl stage i was reading about just nervous dont wanna stir all that up again...it will be about 3 weeks before i get the next bill. she stays up way late and texts alot always says its one of her girlfriends and it may be.she does tell me she loves me now without me prompting her and offers hugs and kisses freely. sometimes she gets distant and then lastnight she told me she still wants to run away but she says im still here and im trying...Im just scared I hate to lose her If she will let herself I know we can be more than we ever were i forgave her and I dont think i could love her more.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 386
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 386 |
From Penalty Kill it will be about 3 weeks before i get the next bill You can get bills online. Why wait three weeks? You need to know what's going on now. PK
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20 |
dont know what the password is.already tried.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 386
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 386 |
From Penalty Kill So this is your WW's phone? She pays the bills? Or do you? If you're paying the bills, you should have access. Even if you're not paying the bills, those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. My advice to you would be that if she doesn't happily show you her online bills that you can assume that she is speaking w/OM. Here is a useful thread: Larry's Plan for Men
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20 |
she has been paying the bills I will ask for the P/W and see what she says
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 386
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 386 |
From Penalty Kill
Whatever you do, don't operate from fear of losing your wife. Women respect men who are strong. Don't be meek about this. You have every right to know who your WW is speaking to. It's a privacy vs secrecy issue. There is no recovery unless you each are an open book to the other.
I am 99% positive she's still talking to OM. The long walk with the phone is a dead giveaway. Don't stick your head in the sand and hope that it will go away. Does she take it in the shower? Why not wake up in the middle of the night and go have a look at it?
Oh, one more thing. I would take your name off your profile. Just sayin.
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20 |
Asked her about calling the guy, She said she had but not in a couple days.Told her she had to choose there could be no contact that there can be no healing till he or I was gone. She was upset then accusing that it was my fault told her fault or not there can only be one attitude changed way for the better but I had to hear her say it and she said she wants to work on it we are writing a letter to him.
Now I know we have a long way to go but dang I feel better.
Thanks so much! I had also told her that if she chose him that I didnt ever want to hear from her again or see her, just stay away from me and the kids there was no since in dragging this out.
Last edited by totallyamys; 04/16/07 05:20 AM.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 386
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 386 |
From Penalty Kill
Just be calm and remember that any contact w/OM is most assuredly not *your* fault. Sounds like she may try to spin it that way. Any choice to have an A is all on her.
Writing the letter together is an excellent start.
Now keep working on you. Do a [email]kick@ss[/email] plan A. The state of the marriage is on you both.
Read the articles on the site, don't just prowl the forum.
Glad you changed your profile. Anonymity is a good thing.
PK
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 20 |
She slept close last night and now she is on my side of the bed...thinkin its a good sign.
she says i love you now with a whole lot more...well i can feel it now anyways!!!im commited to making this work but i do need her help and it looks like now i have that thanks to you! This is an Awsome site and I appreciate so much all the help.
Thank you
Mike
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 386
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 386 |
From Penalty Kill
Sounds like things are going well; I am very happy for you. Just be aware that recovery has its ups and downs. Continue to be vigilant and make sure that there is no further contact w/OM. That's task number 1.
Also, it is perfectly normal for you to be feeling optimistic one day and then depressed/angry the next. Same for your wife. So don't be surprised if your moods fluctuate - wildly at times. Be kind to one another. If you feel stressed, exercise. Go on walks with your wife. Do as many things together as you possibly can.
There are male posters on the site who have recovered their marriages after their wives' infidelities. Two that spring to mind are Larry178 and BigKahuna. It might be a good idea to call them out on the board for further questions, since they have been where you are now.
Take care!
PK
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 177
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 177 |
Don't let this lead to a false recovery. It *sounds* like things are going good, but continue to investigate as much as possible behind her back. Yes, it seems a little invasive, BUT this is your wife and SHE cheated on you. You have a right to know what is going on. Please, if nothing else, ENSURE that the A has stopped an there in no contact, otherwise you are both just fooling yourselves.
VS
-------------------------
Married 10/2005
Together since 5/1999
Lived together for 5 years.
ME - 30
WW - 27
EA - Early December
D-Day - Jan. 5th 2007 and Feb 15th 2007.
Today - Waiting for pain to go away, knowing it takes action.....
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hello
by Woodham - 09/22/25 03:47 PM
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