I was told by my W that she had feelings for someone she works with just over a month ago. I have asked what I've done wrong and she keeps saying nothing its her.

Since she told me I have looked at everything I do and we do. I've been working a lot to pay the bills so I sold my car to pay off our debts. I have re-homed our dog so the house is cleaner. I have cleaned the house so she doesn't have to do it and I've done a lot of household chores which I didn't have time for when I was at work. I have been there to pick the kids up or drop them off from school and I even took them away. We planned to go to Florida and the kids still think they are going but if we split up that won't happen.

After everything I done she says you just don't get it. It got to the point that I moved into my brother's apartment to give her space. This was a nightmare. I missed the kids and her so I kept phoning not just to hear the kids but to speak to her. I allowed her to go and see this other man when I had the kids overnight but she didn't seem to care too much what time she come home. She was spotted by Friends of mine which was very embarrassing but she didn't apologies. I eventually took the boys away camping with my brothers.

Before I went I went to pick the boys up and she was very happy and asked that I allow her to speak to the kids while we were away. The first time I call she doesn't reply. I left messages and phone her mother. Eventually she sent a text saying sorry for not speaking to her boys. I flipped and told her she couldn't see them again as I was so angry. I phoned her boss and told her she is supposedly moving the guy out as he is only the security guard. I also told the boys what was going on on my return. She flipped and said we had agreed to speak to them together. But as she made to intention of looking at our relationship for me and the boys I told them the truth and not her version of thinks.

She says the boys mean everything to her and they come first but she still won't try to fix things for their sake. I have moved back in for the kids sake and she is sleeping on the settee. She has said that this can't go on so I have said that this is my home and I'm not moving into a bedsit if I've done nothing wrong. I have said that she can go with this guy and I will keep the kids 3 days a week when I'm not at work. I said she can have them for the rest and take them with her. The other guys lives with parents and has his own child at weekends.

I have read his needs and her needs but my wife won't read it. I'm trying not to raise my voice and keep telling her I love. I've told her its an addiction and we can get through it together. She just says that she loves this man and this is without her even having any intimacy with him. Both her parents and siblings don't agree with what she is doing but she doesn't care about them either. We were always close and lots of people commented on just how happy we were. I really need some help.

Please read: Surviving an Affair (Harley), His Needs/Her Needs (Harley) and Love must be Tough (Dobson).

At this point the nice and good things you do will not stop the A. It is about her and her selfish acts.

She is also babbling to you so don't make like comfortable for the Ws. Expose her even to her boss and secure custody of th e children. The WS will risk even the safety of the children to promote the A. I can share some horror stories later.

For now, go do some reading to get a plan in order.

take care,
L.

start to position yourself to get CUSTODY

document document document
every thing you do for/with kids .... write it in a journal/diary
dated diary

is OM married?

Pep

Call the Harley's.
Never leave your home again.
Journal the happenings in your home.
I am a dad with custody... you should do as Pep suggests and position yourself to gain custody.
Secure finances.
Speak to a lawyer.
Expose the A to the OM's parents.
Fight like he!l to protect your children from their mother until she proves she is a fit parent.

MEDC

Personally visit the kids school

in writing and in person document

"We are having a family/marriage crisis. Please inform me at (your cell & your email) right away if the children are showing signs of stress. I am doing everything possible to stabilize their home life."

NO MENTION of your wife
leave a copy with each teacher/the principal/school nurse/counselor/bus driver .... all of them

do not SPECIFICALLY say your wife is adulterous

but position YOURSELF as the concerned & responsible parent