About six weeks ago, my husband and I returned from a vacation for his brother's wedding. We had a great time.
The day after we got back, we had gone out to visit family and returned home to make dinner. After eating, my husband had gone to the washroom and came back announcing he wanted to go to play hockey with a friend. I had been kind of hoping to spend some alone time together, because we spent the week with his family.
I didn't out right say this, but it resulted in him leaving the room, then coming back and just staring at me. Finally, he said, "That's it, I'm leaving" and he got his jacket and left.
He didn't come home that night.
The next morning he came home and I met him at the door. Asked him where he was, and got the response, "not here" He proceeded to get ready for work. Told me we would talk when I got home from work that night. I rushed home from work, to find all of his stuff gone.
I stopped by his work the next day asking what was going on. He told me he needed some space. He was going to stay at his parents for awhile. He gave me a hug, and drove away.
About four days later, after asking his parents permission, I stopped by their house early that morning to talk to him. He was still asleep, so I snuck into the room and whispered to him that I loved him. He replied, "I love you too babe" then, woke up. He was all kinds of mad, and got right up. I asked him to talk to me. He agreed t olisten while I talked.
Spent a little bit of time talking and hugging him, rubbinghis back, etc.
He then asked me when I was done to please respect his wishes for space and that he needed some time. Then, his mom called him downstairs, and I waited while she talked to him.
She came up about half an hour later, and told me that she just talked to him. She said he says our marriage is over and I need to accept it. I was like, "What!?" and said that it isn't over until we decide it is. I wanted to know why, so she agreed to go downstairs with me so we could talk and figure it all out.
Husband says he feels things are over between us, and tha tif by some miracle, things change... blah, blah, blah. Then says to me "I care about you so much, I always will." He then asked me to go, and gave me another hug. Iasked him to seriosuly take this time to consider what he is doing and he agreed he would. He also said he would take care ofme, and support me.
Cut to, about four days later. My brotherinlaw suggests I check my husbands cell phone bill. I log on and see a number that has shown up a few times that I do not recognize. I check the number in the phone book and find a girls name. When I drive by after my husband would be done work, I see our car in the driveway. So, I knocked on the door, and she answered. After glaring at me, she tells him to deal with this and he comes to the door. After me telling him I thought he was better than this, he tells me he is just having dinner. He is angry with me for showing up there, but I could care less.
I leave and go back to my sisters. Tell ehr what happened, and she tells me to get out of our home. I spend a lot of time crying trying to figure out what to do. The next day, I go to my sisters again after work, and she once again suggests I move in with her. After alot of talking, I agreed.
The next day, I moved our stuff out of the home to put in storage (because we don't live in the best neighbourood... lots of break ins) until my husband and I can decide what to do.
He gets angry with me for doing that. Figures I am trying to screw him over. I explain why I did what I did, but it is falling on deaf ears. He calls a couple of days later, and tells me I have the wrong idea about this girl. She is so in so's friend.
I mention in this phone call that I would really like to work on things, and he says that things can't be exactly the same as they were. I agree, but say it can be better. He agrees to talk to me about it.
For the next little while, when he calls (whcich is either every day, or every couple of days) he is angry. Everything is my fault. I am always nice, never accusing, never angry with him. I stay as calm as I can, because despite everything, I love my husband. I find I still call him sweetheart, babe, etc. When I do, he never tells me not to. I tell him I love him, he never told me not to.
A week and a half ago, I received a letter from a lawyer. He has spent the money to file for separation. (more to that story... involving my mother in law) He then called me that afternoon (not expecting me to get the letter that quickly) and asked how I was, etc. I talked to him as I normally would, the nsay, "I got that letter today" He says, "Oh" and doesn't say anythig else. I ask why he did that, as it really was unnecessary for us. I am completely willing t otalk to him about what we should do. He says, "Okay. I will let her know that we will deal with this on our own." I agreed to drop off some of the stuff he wanted the next day.
When I see him the next day, he tells me that he is glad we are going t owork this out on our own, and tells me how much he spent on this lawyer... (or, his mom spent because he has to pay her back)
No mention of the lawyer for about a week. Then, I emailed him about a car we are selling. He had told me that someone was coming to tlook at it, so I asked what had happened. He then told me he couldn't sell it because the lawyer says I have to contact her first. I once again reiterate I have no intention of talking to her, and that it will cost both of us a lot less to deal on our own. I then said to him, you realize, everytime you call her it is costing you more right? He says yes, and agrees that he will not involve her anymore. Then he tells me his lawyer said that I will try to screw him over and that if he sold that car, I would take his truck from him because it is in my name. I tell him that he knows me better than that, and that I would never hurt him because I love him.
He agrees that we can meet and talk on our own as long as we don't discuss our feelings.
Since that day (not quite a week ago) our phone conversations have been kind of back and forth. He'll talk to me normally one second, then is mad the next. I still find myself calling him sweetheart, etc. I am doing my best to stay as friendly as possible.
I am wondering what the best thing to do is. I want to work things out with my husband. I love him more than anything. I realize I am in competition right now with the other woman. This is why I am being as nice as possible. Anything else I should be doing?
