Hey Guys..........Airheart if your there,<P>I blew it big time......<P>I caught them together the other night and I lost it. I did something I never, ever dreamed I would do. I beat the crap out of him and her, then I did in her Jeep, which by the way was no hers, it was my brother's. Lots of damage emotionally and financially!!<P>God forgive me!!!!<P>Deb

Oh Deb!! I'm sorry you lost it. You were doing well before and I know you were proud of that. But don't beat yourself up over this. You deserve to be angry. Maybe you lost your control and did some bad stuff, but what you saw must've put you over the edge!<P>It sounds to me like the best thing to do for yourself is to get some time alone? Stay away from your husband and the OW and that whole situation. Maybe Plan B is in order at this point. Read the "Plan A and Plan B" section of the MarriageBuilders webpage and see what you think. I'm thinking your situation fits perfectly with Plan B. You need to start concentrating on your own mental well-being at this point. You need to get out of this bad bad state you are in and gain some perspective!<P>Perhaps some other folks out there who were in the same situation can give better advice? I feel hopelessly underqualified to give you any meaningful help, but anyway I'm here to listen and give you encouragement!<P>--airheart

I know how you feel, I duked it out with the OW on Park Ave in NYC and flung her a$$ against a wall. After I did that I felt really bad because that's not the type of person I am. I couldn't beleive that all the anger I had in my heart could push me to do something like that.<P>I felt like a fool thinking about how my ex-H probably was thinking "Wow...Women fighting over me." I could kick myself now...never again.<P>Leave him alone and let him live out whatever he is living. No matter what we do to show our spouses we love them, they will always do and go with the person they want. One day he'll come to his senses and realize why you did what you did.<P>Honestly it's not worth it. Try to turn your anger into something more positive.<P>Good Luck.<P>Q<P>------------------<BR>

Thanks Guys,<P>I know what I did was wrong, but I just couldn't take it anymore.<P>Anyway, the boys and I are moving, I put the house up for sale yesterday and it looks like it will sell quite fast. I can't do this anymore and I'm moving on. I have asked him to sign the affadavit for adultery so that we can expedite the divorce.<P>I'll keep checking with you guys and let you know how everything is going. All of you have been a tremendous amount of support for me and I will be around for a while yet!!!<P>I just feel so terrible about everything, the me that beat the crap out of them is not me at all!!<P>Thanks,<BR>Deb

Oh, Deb, I'm so sorry. You're right, the person who lost control wasn't you, but you've been so very good for so long. We humans can only take so much before something has to blow. You've got the right idea though. And you're heading in the right direction. Hang in there.<P>Lori

Deb1,<P>I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are a very strong lady. I think I would have just freaked if I found them together.

Deb,<P>Well your second post sounded much better than your first one. You sounded pretty panicky there in the first one, and I had no idea how to respond... <P>I think your decision to move on with your life is the best one for you! Good luck! And don't leave this forum. Keep posting!<P>--airheart

Deb1,<P>I bet there are a lot of people who fantasize about doing exactly what you did. I know as well as anyone that such behavior is inappropriate, but I just couldn't help thinking "She should've hit him again and not the Jeep." Good luck.<P>

Thanks Guys,<P>Although I'm not proud of my actions, I will tell you that I gave him a concussion and almost broke his leg....not good, but felt good at the time!!!<P>If anyone is interested I will post my whole story on here....check it out and tell me what you think!!<P>Deb

Holy crap Deb! Are you worried that he might file assault charges? I hope you don't get into too much trouble over that. gulp!<P>--airheart

Don't try this at home, kids.<P>I have 2 incidents of violence. Keep in mind I'm 5'3" & my H is 6', so physically, in hand to hand combat I am not a threat to him. The first was 3 weeks after his confession when he called her, but lied about it. I had my hands around his throat and he was quite concerned about the fireplace poker directly to my right. It's a good thing I wasn't thinking clearly enough to consider it. Afterwards, he wanted to work on our marriage and he did for a couple months.<P>The second time was 5 months after his confession and he saw her and lied about it (gee, a pattern, now he's been seeing her for a month and has lied). That time he was lying on our trampoline when I got the call from my friend who saw him. I flew out there and leapt on him like a tiger. I pommelled him pretty good while hissing obsenities. He still wanted to work on our marriage. Of course, he kept on contacting & eventually seeing her from that point to this one.<P>Neither time was he injured, not so much as a bruise.<P>I think he was a little surprised I didn't try to do some more physical damage this time. I chose not to. It just hurts my hands and I feel bad.<P>What you and I have done would not be the sole reason for a marriage to end. It doesn't help heal them and should be avoided, but we're living in impossible situations and that is how violence is bred. I used to think why would anyone attack someone they love? Now I know and I will NOT be driven to that point again. If you are concerned about it, seek anger counseling, it has helped me a lot.<P>God forgives. H's forgive. Forgive yourself.

hey, i think in some states, the judge wont even think you criminal if you KILL them when you find them in such a position.<BR>seriously, im glad you have gotten it all together so fast. good luck with the house.

Deb,<P>While I certainly feel for your situation, what you did wasn't right, and it won't help your marriage at all. The advice below is for you if you want to do something about your marriage---it isn't meant to make you feel bad.<P>You need to assess how you feel about your husband, whether you want him back or not, and whether you can control your anger. If you haven't put a plan A effort in place yet, your husband's last memories of you are "less than pleasent".<P>Read about Plans A and B. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html</A> . I always suggest that you try plan A first, if you're capable of it. If you can't control your anger and other destructive behavior (antidepressants could help), I'd agree that plan B (a "no contact" separation) would be appropriate. And good marriage counseling (I recommend the phone counseling here with Steve Harley) is probably essential for you.<P>

Deb,<BR>Your story is exactly what I'm afraid I'll do if I find out my suspisions are true that my H is still in contact. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but glad you pulled yourself together soon enough to divert a huge situation.<BR>I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers

K,<P>Thanks for the advice. I'm on antidepresants now and I'm going to no contact, in fact I'm moving 5 hours away!! I don't condone my actions and did exactly what I teach my boys not to do. I am in no way proud of it and it will never happen again!!<P>Deb