Tomorrow’s the day for me after almost 18 months of being on my own. I’m off to the family court to apply for the divorce.


I told my STBXH that I know he thinks this is what he wants, but I have no doubt there will come a day he will truly regret loosing such a precious family. All he said was ‘ok’.

The thing is, I don’t know that I really even believe what I said.. I think it’s more that I’d like to believe that he will regret having left us, but I really don’t know if that will ever happen. I saw photos of him and OW on the internet last night and she’s young, single and extremely attractive. I’m no competition at all. But then, I wouldn’t expect my WH to go for anything else. I guess that’s why I never understood what he really saw in me.

How do you ever really get over a spouse leaving you? How do you ever find the words to explain how it feels? I’m still so appalled, disgusted, shocked in the way I’ve been treated. From reading on here for over 12 months there really doesn’t seem to have been too many cases like mine where the WS really just doesn’t give a [censored]. I mean, my WH, in 18 months and despite even living for 6 months on the opposite side of the world from OW before she moved over here, has never even asked me how I am, made one phone call to me, even suggested we get together to talk. Nothing. Zero. Squat. I moved to the ends of the earth for him. I left my family, my country, my friends and my job to live with him when we got married no questions asked. I made mistakes, but I made him my life. He was my everything. I’ve never felt so trampled on – like a piece of dog poo, wiped off a shoe.

How do two people cause so much pain and suffering and really not care at all? OW has never contacted me or apologised. Why should she? She’s not sorry. She’s just going by the way WH treats me – and he doesn’t care, so why should she? They look so happy in their photos…having so much fun….like they don’t have a care in the world. Someone tell me this affair will end! But knowing my luck, it’ll be one of the happy ever after’s. After all, they’re both living in a completely new country, get to start fresh and make new friends that have no idea of the trail of horror they drag behind them. Should I prepare myself that this one’s gonna last?

I know I’m just hitting another bout of depression, and I know that this too shall pass. I know I’ll move on, I believe I’ll be happy again. Just needed to let some of this out.

(((lucyloo)))

Sorry you're having a bad day. The odds are stacked heavily against them, if that will make you feel any better.

LL,

You are totally wrong in your statement below about you being no competition. I don't know what you look like, but inner beauty doesn't fade, nor do values, loyalty, honesty and true caring. OW and your WH don't have those...YOU DO! There will come a day when reality sets in...that may be when one or the other of them have to be away for awhile and can't figure out why they don't trust each other.

"The thing is, I don’t know that I really even believe what I said.. I think it’s more that I’d like to believe that he will regret having left us, but I really don’t know if that will ever happen. I saw photos of him and OW on the internet last night and she’s young, single and extremely attractive. I’m no competition at all. But then, I wouldn’t expect my WH to go for anything else. I guess that’s why I never understood what he really saw in me."

lucyloo, I, too have pondered how I 'stack up' against OW. She is younger, so I assume some things about her physicality, BUT, *I* do not need to attach myself to a married man in order to find love. I am strong, capable, attractive, beautiful and accomplished on my own. I am giving and truly loving. I know myself.

These are things that come when we find ourselves. I don't believe Ms. Aimless has found herself, for if she did, she would be so utterly disgusted with her choices. Insecurity can lead us to terrible places, and haphazard decisions.

Your WH is a FOOL and the stench of infidelity follows him.

Don't count yourself out. I don't always believe what I say but I TRY TRY TRY to believe. I have accepted, most reluctantly, that my WH does not love me, BUT, and it's a BIG BUTT, I know that I am completely and utterly LOVEABLE, no matter what I look like. I'm 35, not in my 20's; I have a child, a full time career, 2 dogs, a cat, a home to maintain and my own life.

Let's just say comparing me to OW is not even close to apples to apples. It's more like crisp, scrumptious apples, to some sort of inferior, underripe produce that's too bitter to eat.

Thanks guys, I really appreciate your words.

It's 'tomorrow' for me over here now, and I know what has to be done. I know my WH does not love me. It's just sometimes still too shocking to truly believe. Even after all this time. The affair has been going on for almost 2.5 years and he's had all that time to decide in his mind he made a mistake in marrying me. I believe he will always think that's the real truth. I don't know what it will take before his eyes are opened to reality.

I am slowly gaining my confidence again. I know one day I'm going to feel attractive again, confident and truly find happiness by knowing who I am and accepting myself. That is something I've never done. I know that despite this pain, I am incredibly fortunate. I have the most precious little 2 year old! I'm starting my own business (wedding invitations!!! guess I still believe in marriage!), wonderful friends and family. I've recently sponsored a little girl from Africa, which stops me dead in my tracks with all this self-pity and reminds me that I'm truly blessed to be living in the country I am, where I can open my fridge any time I'm hungry and turn on my tap any time I'm thirsty. My troubles are hard, but I'm not fighting for basic survival like so many millions are. Sometimes just putting things in perspective helps, doesn't it?