While going through our video camera Saturday, I run across some video my W was going to send to the OM. I confront my W about it and I find out her and the OM exchanged video while doing certain things. My W insists that she previously admitted this, but I have no recollection. I am further bent out of shape by the fact that she now has video of herself out there that this man is possibly “drolling” over.

At this point we are trying to come to terms with the “Why’s” and “How’s” of her A and this little “snippit” of information drops in my lap. She contends that for her the A was one of emotional attachment, but all the evidence and even this addition seems to point to some thing different.

First, the OM gets her to take nude photos of herself and send it to him, next he convinces her to make a video and send it to him. Then he gets her to agree to take pictures of them in the Act. Logic only follows that the video if not already made would have been in the near future – My W stated that she thought the pictures and video aspect of the A was sexy. And I have seen pictures of this man and sexy does not enter into the picture (no pun intended).

To me she has not even known this person a year and he has pictures and video, of I don’t know what, of my W and himself. He almost seems like a con artist in that has lead my W into this digital media – granted she went willingly. My W explained to me that she does not think this is too out of the ordinary and that a percentage of A's are like this - Does anyone have any comments to this point? As I think this is not ordinary - To me this OM was trying to build his porn collection - JMO.


At this point I am still on course for recovery but I feel in a fog now, but its like “S$%T” there is nothing they would not do sexually and also wanted to preserve it on film, its like was the sex soooo great that they wanted it to be a Kodak moment? Ok I’m going off now. And I know she did not previously offer this detail – so has she been hiding it from me? Truth and Openess – not yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Very Heavy Heart Today – How Can I Love a Woman Like This – Bottom Line – I Do.

C.G.

CG, it sounds like she made a typical WS mistake and withheld information from you. Of course she didn't tell the truth about this initially. Finding this out is yet another betrayal that puts you back to day 1 of recovery.

I would explain to your wife the damage she has caused by withholding this. As long as there are secrets with the OM to which you are not privy, you will not recover. Most/all of the truth will come out one or another over the years. It can come out in one hit and then you recover or it can dribble out as you drag it out piece by piece. That way will be like dying a death of a thousand cuts. It will be he11 for both of you, and you will prolong recovery unneccesarily.

I would explain to her that what is needed is a full boat confession so you can take the hit and move on. She needs to suck it up and just get it all out there NOW and get it done with. Better to take one big hit than a thousand cuts.

Print out Josephs letter and hand it to her: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post2739000

CG,

I have thought for some time there is more to queto’s affair than meets the eye. Solely from her posts. These home movies add to the proof, IMO.

Your wife has issues. Making pornographic pictures with OM is just the tip of the iceberg.

Dribbling out the truth is common. And stupid. And expected. But this is different. This is like hiding another affair.

Justifying it by saying almost everyone who commits adultery does it is unadulterated hogwash.

IMO, you are not going to soon get honesty and openness from her. Oh, you are going to receive her interpretation of HO. But you are likely not going to get the full deal.

You can be sure there is more.

Live with it or decide otherwise. But wanting complete and utter truth is going to remain frustrating for you.


With prayers,