This is where I'm at now:

I feel that for me to even want reconciliation with my X, after all he's done to hurt me and my daughters, would just mean there is something seriously wrong with me!

I don't want to do anything anymore to try to reconcile.

I know my X will never say or do what's needed for full recovery.

He's messed up. For a long time I felt that it was my responsibility to try to save him. But he never cared that way about me, or even our daughters. And anyway, he WANTS to stay messed up. And why not? There are many rewards for him for staying the way he is.

I think it is time for closure for me. And NO I do not mean closure as in an excuse to contact him. I think it's time to just delete the fool from my life so at least my future will be safeguarded from his lunacy.


(BTW - OT: I'm not able to post here very often so I've tried to use the search function to see if there have been any responses to my posts. But I don't know how to get to them to read them.)

sounds like a good and healthy plan for you.

just click on your name and then show your posts... it will take you to your last threads

Very quickly: click on your name in the above post. The page that comes up has a link to all your posts - or the last 250 or so of them anyway.

Oh, and your decision sound fine to me. About time even.

wWith prayers,

[color:"red"] Your WH is NOT a very good risk for recovery . My impression of him (filtered thru you) is that he a very immature and careless man who will cause chaos for many years to come... GETTING out of his way seems like a SMART move.[/color]

[color:"blue"] One of your Feb. posts [/color]

02/13/07 04:03 PM
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I'm at the public library because I can no longer afford internet access at home. And when I woke up this morning I just KNEW I HAD TO come to Marriage Builders today to talk to some SANE folks!

My WS's babble has severely infected my youngest DD...

She says to me:

'You're a loser - no wonder Dad left you'

'nobody can stand you'

'nobody likes you'

'you're annoying'

Or on days she's trying to be nice to me:

'nobody stays married forever'

'people just fall out of love - it's nobody's fault'

'normal families have moms who always have dinner on the table at 6 PM' (said on days when I work)

'the only reason we can't afford internet/cable/2nd car/eating out... is because you're too lazy to get a better/second job (said on days when I don't have work - in spite of fact that I have applied for literally dozens of jobs in numerous lines of work, have updated my resume and presented it to dozens of companies and placement agencies)

'we're not a family' (said when I want us to do something together)

BTW Daddy can do no wrong. On the rare occasions she concedes that just maybe the selfish choices he made put us in this fine mess she says: 'well you married him'
Therefore he has zero responsibility for anything he says or does, or fails to say or do.

By contrast, her criticisms of me, on everything from how I arrange the furniture, how I drive, what I wear, just everything no matter how trivial are incessant. (Finally one day I told her to call her Daddy and complain to him because after all, he married me!)

Oh and of course he is a 'good dad' simply because on the rare occasions he does spend time with her he spends money on her (I can't compete)

Reason why she can't EVER complain to he father about any of the numerous things she 'hates' about her life:

'I don't know him well enough to talk about that stuff with him'

'I don't have a problem with him - just you'

'you're trying to blame him - nothing's his fault'

'you don't want me to see him' (She did admit once that she knew if she compained to him about anything that he would just not spend time with her - which BTW is absolutey true)

You're right Pepperband,

My X can be extremely cruel (and when he's being nice it's merely very skillful con-artistry).

The family counselor told me he was sociopathic. She told me to look up narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder...

More and more, I'm just sort of relieved that he's gone (sort of sad too because I really did want to help him).

But now more than anything I am disappointed that HE never took any responsibility for reconciliation, thet HE didn't love us (me or our daughters) enough to deal with his problems.

I focus on reminding myself and my daughters that we DID deserve better, but he was just not willing or able to be that man for us.

IF I ever marry again I will be super careful about with whom!

I can get to the list of posts...
But I can't get any of those posts (or the responses to them) to display.

"I can get to the list of posts...
But I can't get any of those posts (or the responses to them) to display."

Odd. When you get to the list of your posts, left-click on the name of the post entry in the leftmost column. It should come right up.

If not, what does happen? Do you get an error message?

My first thought is you have an extremely aggressive pop-up blocker running. Try turning it off. Also, try setting security for the MB domain to trusted.

If you are at the library they may have someone who can help you with this.

With prayers,