Well I found out last night she wants a divorce now because she doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore. I'm so down right now. I told her that it would be hard for the both of us and it would take time but she doesn't even want to give it a second chance. So thats where I'm at today.

I don't know where to go from here...I still love her so much. She told me she doesn't want to hurt me anymore and she doesn't see a future with me and this is the best thing she could do.

OK...this does NOT mean the end of the world yet. KEEP UP PLAN A!!!!!!!

This is all standard "wayward spouse script".

She DOESN'T feel the same feelings for you right now...because she's emotionally invested in OM, and not you.

So, you keep up plan A. Figure out what her emotional needs are...start meeting them. Start working on improving yourself, so that she can become interested in you again.

Have you tried calling the Harleys for counseling? Or calling their radio show for advice? Ordered and read SAA, HNHN??

It's not over yet.

Last thing...create one thread, post your story and history into it...and just keep going back to that thread with your updates and questions...it keeps all the information in one spot for others that want to help you.

What should I tell her? I don't know how to talk to her right now. Yes I have read SAA but don't have HNHN

You were told she'd probably say "That's it! I'm filing for divorce on Monday!". Her behavior is no surprise.

What are her ENs?
What LBs are you most guilty of?
What changes are you making to attract her back?

Simple. Tell her that you're not willing to talk divorce at this time. Don't discuss it with her any further. Any other conversation right now should NOT be focused on your marriage/relationship, or on the affair for now.

Instead, focus on simply finding ways to have fun and show your love, without being overboard. Don't do like many people have, and start sending flowers and such. Instead, try to setup opportunities where the two of you can spend quiet time together, and do NOT let the conversation stray into negative areas. Instead, do something fun together, especially something that doesn't let you talk much.

She'll resist this at first...so don't be obvious about things. Just take the opportunities where you can. And if you can, set up little 'dates'.

Work on YOURSELF. Don't be needy when you're with her (or when you're not, for that matter). Dress nice. Use aftershave/cologne that you know she likes. Even when she's NOT around...so when/if you bump into each other 'by accident', you still give that great impression.

NO LOVEBUSTERS. Read that again. DO NOT LB!!!

The only 'stick' that you've got here is to continue to push for NC between her and OM. Make it clear to her that when she does that, it HURTS you to no end. EXPOSE each new/renewed contact she has with OM. Continue to inform OM's chain of command of ANY indication that he's contacted your WW. FIGHT for your marriage. But this is the only way you can do so for now.

The carrot is to make you the more attractive choice for her...and it takes some time.

The stick is to make the affair a less attractive choice.

Make sense?

Yea but I know for a fact that she went to go see someone about getting a divorce

She's seeing someone for divorce because OM's CO told your WW to cut off all contact with your WW because she's married. Now she's trying to get a quickie divorce so she can see him again. She's going into withdrawal and is trying to do anything to keep hope of that relationship alive. Drag your feet on the divorce until withdrawal is over and then she will probably think twice. Don't talk D, just try and meet her ENs.

Didn't even think about that. She doesn't want to talk to me about anything.

Well yes, that is exactly how we would expect her to feel towards you since she is in an affair. This will all change once she gets through withdrawal.

Do you still want to remain married? Then you tell her,

I don't do divorce. I married you for life and I will not help you to dissolve our marriage.

And you continue to Plan A. Read everything on this site, and do not get baited into an argument of any kind with her. No disrespectful judgments ("DJ's") no Angry Outbursts, no reasoning, no correcting anything she says.

Likely the I Want A Divorce is a reaction to exposure. Don't believe it. Just keep working on yourself and reading and posting here for support.

DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE about marriagebuilders. It is your secret weapon.

Just wanted to know if you can get the ws to take a polygraph test before you sign any D papers??? She lying to protect the om so I want it on record that they did have an affair.