I've been hanging around these boards for quite some time now. I've done a lot of personal growth and work, and man do I feel good about what I've learned and how I've grown so far.

Here's the actions I've taken in the last 6 months I've been separated:

Sent 2 letters, one apologizing and owning my mistakes, and another similar letter but with more feeling. Both were met with anger.

Been to IC every week for last 6 months, with 3 different counselors. I keep working to get fresh perspective and move in a positive direction.

Posting here, alomst daily, reading learning, ect..

Attending 2 Al-anon meetings a week. Learned SO much!

Built her a new bathroom, new porch stairs, cleaned up backyard, removed old tree debris. (All of which she asked for me to do)

Sent her a check for 2500 - no strings attached. Because she's finishing school, and I believed needed the money.

Watched the kids for 12 days while she took a trip to Hungary. Asked for nothing.


Many, many more little things I've done.


My purpose here is not to have a 'scale' or even measure what I've done, I'm happy to give. The purpose here is to ask for some opinions.

At this point, she has been totally unwilling to talk with or be around me even a little. If it's not about 'business' she will not talk with me.

I've suspected and EA with a professor at school, I found a letter she wrote him asking for them to remain 'friends' after school is finished. Other than that and a few e-mails I've not found much.

I guess I'm getting a little worn down. A little tired. I was hoping to see some small sign that she might at least talk with me a little.

Has anyone been through a similar experience?

I just purchased Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness program, and it suggests calling and touching, a few times a week, or more as is comfortable.

I guess what I'm really looking for here is some perspective, and encouragement.

She asked for no communication until April 15th, and I honored that request. Now that it's past, I'm not sure what to do.

Any e-mail I have sent to her, she chooses not to respond to. Up to this point, she's choosing not to respond to me at all.

14 years and this is how it ends? Without discussing anything?

Help me hang in here....

- TTM

TTM-

Did you ever end up calling her, or asking her for coffee or anything? Have you tried to get her to talk to you yet? If you have not, I think that you need to.

Out of curiosity, when you do see her, do you touch her or anything? The reason that I ask is that when I was going to MC (by myself) the MC suggested that I start touching my WH to try to get him to 'reconnect' a little. You know, a touch on the arm, hand, shoulder. Just to see how he would respond.

I know how frustrating it can be to sit here and be loyal, when you do not know what they are doing. I think you should hold out a little longer. You are growing as a person, and it will show.

Good Luck!

Sadmo

TM,

I'll encourage you to hang on. You describe much of our M for the first 32 years, BEFORE my H had an EA.

I would have done the same thing as your BS if our DS25 had not challenged H and then me to 'fight for our family'. I see your kids are much younger, but focus on them needing you (and W) when things get too discouraging.

I've not read your sitch but even if I had the most I can give is encouragement to keep going. Can you confirm the EA with any proof?

Don't give up, TM and keep posting so the MB vets can weigh in and give you more than I can offer.

Ace