So, I found out on 4/03 that my wife has been having a physical affair for a year now. She says that the last time was about four months ago so whatever! As of this time we are doing much better than I would have ever imagined. We stayed together and I decided to work on it. She proclaims her love for me and only me and says that it was not her. She says it only happened five times over the eight months after talking to him for a year on the phone. We have only been married for five years and have a four year old daughter but have been together for 12 years. I am not willing to throw in the towel. I have already spoken with the OM and was much more calm then I thought I would be or think that I should be. Everyday I think about why or how she could have done this. On the good side, she is showing me more affection then I have gotten in like three years. We were having problems before the affair started, I know that. We are moving on as much as we can and have an appointment for a counsler in a couple of weeks. Now after two weeks since D-Day, she wants to move on and is talking about working on having the other child that we both want. We tried two years ago and it didn't happen.........i guess it wasn't meant to be. I'm kinda torn, I know we have at least a year before it would be born and maybe we will be great by then. Im just looking for people's oppinions and there experiences. I love my wife and she swears she loves me, of course what do you believe and not believe!! We are both young 28, and have many years ahead of us. I'm kind of treating this as a bump in the road, big bump, but a bump none the less. My other issue is the OM is my cousin, my fire chief and our friend. I have not gone to the fire house since D-Day. He has told me, say the word and he will quit, that I shouldn't have to. At this point neither one of us has gone there cause it just doesn't feel the same. He doesn't think that the fire company should lose a good fireman because of his actions. The good side of me doesn't think that the fire company should lose a good chief either. They don't deserve to suffer but they don't know either. I have trust issues with him and dont want to see him everyday. IDK, just venting, anyone with any input I will take it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

d-day 04/03/07
ww -28
bs -28
married 2/02/02
daughter born 2/04/03

SeanMH,

what came to mind first was...........Delay having a child!!!! Work on your marriage first before even thinking about another child. Things will NOT just better and the pain will NOT just disappear.

This is all very fresh and it'll need time. I'd advise you not to trust your WS, at least not yet.

Read all you can here in MBers and you'll get a better idea of your situation. You might also want to go over to "General Questions II".
There more going on over there and more people will read your post.

bb

Sean,

I agree with Blondblossom about another child at this point. You will be experiencing lots of ups and downs and are no where near the end of the recovery road yet. In all honesty, after the initial shock of d-day, the next few weeks were easy. Then all he!! broke loose and I felt like dying.

Please read the MB site thoroughly and pick up copies of Surviving an Affair, His Needs, Her Needs, Love Busters, etc. and read them all.

One important thing is that you will need to establish NO CONTACT (NC) with OM forever if you are going to recover from this. Your situation is a tough one because you work with him and he is related to you. But do it you must. Without true NC, your marriage doesn't stand a chance.

Understand that. It is very important. Good Luck to you.

Who