Okay- my husband's affair lasted about a month, when confronted about it, he ended it and has severed all ties with her. I have no doubt in that. We started counseling immdiately after the affair, he is no longer what I call emotionally retarded (as he has learned to express his feelings YEAH for him). I do not think he is involved with anyone outside of our marriage. With that said here is my question.
Has anyone else experienced not a loss for sex but erectile dsyfunction symptoms during or after an affair? Shortly after the affair there were two occassions in which let's just say he was not fully satisfied (are in nothing happened for him). When we talked about this at the time I told him I had done a little reading and learned that at times with an affair the sex is so HOT with the other, they are not able to complete when no longer in the affair. He stated this happened with her as well. At this point, I decided it was related to guilt. Okay- 6 months later we have great relations one night and he is unable to become aroused the night day, he says it's an age thing (39 y) because it was only 8 hours about. BTW I find that odd- but not having that body part I just don't know. I feel fully rejected, we talk and he tells me that there are many times he wants to have sex but is not able to stand at attention. He reports to be very embarassed (therefore I feel my hands are tied with the counselor- I don't want to add to his pain) and actually he broke down emotionally for the damage he has caused me as a result of the affair. So now I worry that his emotional guilt is a cause for this problem. Do you think this could be true??? And has anyone had this experience???

Thanks
AMartini

PS- all i want is to have a lot of fun with my hubby and I don't know what to do to help the situation <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

He should talk to the counselor about this.
The 8 hour thing doesn't sound right to me and I am a 43 year old male.
The longer he waits to do something about his feelings regarding this... the harder it will be for him to get past it.

MEDC

he should see a doctor.
it could be a bit of performance anxiety or a physical problem.

UGH!!! I guess I know someone would say have this discusion with the counselor, because I know that is what needs to be done. I know he feels VERY embarassed about this, I do not want to force him to discuss this and make the problem worse- but GOD I do want the problem resolved. Do any of you guys have any tips how I could get him to verbalize such an embarassing thing, without putting him on the spot? I don't mind starting the conversation in counseling but I don't want to cause embarassment either.
Thanks for any advice.
Amy

Have him speak to his doctor. It could be a physical problem just a coincidence with the emotional stuff.

It could also be an emotional problem but ruling out a phyisical cause first will be easier (clinical, not emotional) and it may solve the problem right there.

If it is emotional in nature, he'll have to deal with that too - and it's sensitive to talk about but it's the only way to get it dealt with.

He does not need to feel embarrassed - it happens to plenty of men.

I know that may be small or no comfort - but try to be as supportive and reassuring as you can. That *will* help.

JinGA

Hey - I was 39 yrs old when I started on the "blue" pill <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

It could be a guilt thing. It could be ED. Truth is, only he would know, and he should talk to someone to find out.

What you both should NOT do - just ignore it and hopes it goes away. BTDT and IMO the failure to deal with such an issue contributed to the damage caused to our M.

MIM...Just wanted to say that I am always very impressed with your forthrightness on this issue...I'm certain that you have helped many by being this way...You're a good man indeed!

Mrs. W

i am impressed too.

i truly think that ED is more common for men in their 30's than most will discuss.

Thanks. Believe me, I wasn't always so "forthright" about my little "problem". It's only after several years of suffering from bouts of dysfunctional gotta-get-off-before-it-goes-down S (I'm not going to call it SF - that would be quite a stretch) and the emotional after-effects that I decided enough was enough and approached a doctor about it. He gave me a dose of vitamin V to try, and that night my W and I had the most AMAZING, MIND-BLOWING SF, better than we'd had in years. And the next morning, we repeated <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Afterwards, I mentally kicked myself for waiting so long to try a simple remedy that's been available for over a DECADE. Sheesh, how dumb could I be? So, here I am, trying to convince others not not make the same mistake I did, to be silly enough to let pride get in the way of a great sex life.