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With the current turn of events, I can't finish SAA. I got to the chapters on the 4 rules, and just can get into them, just skimmed through them. It is not helpful to me at all, as the book is geared towards couples who BOTH want to survive the affair.
Can anyone recommend a good book written for the BS? Something to help with continuing Plan A in the face of open disrespect and hostility by WW towards BS?
Thanks!
FWH, BS (me), 43
BS, FWW, 42
DS 20, 13
PAs With W's Sister's Friend & Prostitute - SF Only (me), 1992-93
Married July 1994
Hit On W's Underage Sister & Close Friends, 1996-98
I Confessed Everything, Spring 1998
My D-Day, Jan. 2007
She Moved Out, Feb. 2007
Filed For D 4/18/07 For Legal Protection, Did Not Pursue
FWW Moved Back Home 08/05/07
Status: I'm Not Sure
(original thread of my sitch lost)
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SadPunk,
I read the book Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado. It's not about affairs, but it really resonated with me. It pretty much follows the story of David in the Bible.
The premise is this:
Focus on your giants, you stumble
Focus on God, your giants tumble
IMHO, a great book for a BS (husband's especially)
Divorced on 3/25/2008 but I have primary legal and physical custody of my 2 kids. Plan A Thread Plan B ThreadEphesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
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Private Lies by Frank Pittman is one of the best.
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Also, Torn Asunder, by Carder.
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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In the face of so much disrespect and hostility, it may be time for very dark Plan B already.
with prayers,
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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Aphelion, believe me, I've been seriously considering Plan B. I'll probably decide after my WW gets served the D papers. In the meantime, will continue a very emotionally distant Plan A, mainly to protect myself.
FWH, BS (me), 43
BS, FWW, 42
DS 20, 13
PAs With W's Sister's Friend & Prostitute - SF Only (me), 1992-93
Married July 1994
Hit On W's Underage Sister & Close Friends, 1996-98
I Confessed Everything, Spring 1998
My D-Day, Jan. 2007
She Moved Out, Feb. 2007
Filed For D 4/18/07 For Legal Protection, Did Not Pursue
FWW Moved Back Home 08/05/07
Status: I'm Not Sure
(original thread of my sitch lost)
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Quote from Private Lies -
"The impact of an accidental infidelity on a romantic is explosive. It unleashes all that frustrated romanticism. Romantics with their pants off go wild -- not necessarily sexually, but emotionally. These people imprint whomever they sexualize, and they clamp on like snapping turtles, and you can't make them let go. Romantics will throw themselves desperately and suicidally at strangers, offering plans for the two of them to disappear and die together. The stranger may have trouble remembering the romantic's name. This sort of thing could even make a philanderer go straight, and will cure the accident-prone forever. This is the plot of the film Fatal Attraction, in which it was demonstrated that the romantic passion of a passing stranger is the most horrifying of nightmares.
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Another one -
"People [in affairs] risk everything on the hope that they can achieve joy by changing everything in their lives except themselves. They would like to press a button and have the old life go away and the new life appear. The human animal has an unfortunate tendency to identify the source of any unhappiness as coming from outside itself. The fault, as Cassius informed Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves. Our unhappiness is not in our marriages, but within us. Changing everything about our lives leaves everything important still the same, because we are the important factor in our lives, and we are the one thing left unchanged."
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And another -
"The instinctual nature of the human animal may be such that we bond, as other monogamous species do, to our sexual partner, our mate. Humans have the capacity to survive our mate -- if he or she should die, we, unlike some monogamous birds, can recover and find another mate. However, if we mate with others while our partner is still around, we may break the bond that holds the pairing together. We may, by having affairs, loosen the attachment and 'fall out of love' with our partner. It is therefore not that we fall out of love and thus have affairs, but that we have affairs and thus fall out of love by breaking an instinctual bond
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"The Power of a Positive No"
I don't know if the word affair is in the book, but Plan A and Plan B are in there. It's about negotiating. The idea is that you say no to something because of a conflict with something that is a yes for you (value for you) and you propose to the person with whom you are negotiating how you can get to a yes.
Insightful book.
Cherished
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This is so very true. We can make a new life with someone new in the hopes that our life will be the way we always hoped it would be, but the one factor that remains the same is me (or him) in my case. This is what I feel my WH is experiencing.
Happiness comes from within. Frank Pittman's book so eloquently points out this fact. Excellent book.
WS 48
BS 44
DD 6
Married 22 years
DDay 5-20-06
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The happiness from within, so very true. I have tried to tell my WW that since D-Day, that she cannot entrust her happiness to another human being, as we're all imperfect and will hurt each other. That's why I'm currently strongly encouraging her to go back to school.
One of the reasons she chose to have an A was when she turned 30 3 years ago and had a MLC. One of her regrets in life was not finishing school.
I personally as a Christian am struggling to not allow this tragedy steal my true joy in the Lord from me. Much easier said than done. I still wake up every morning thinking of her instead of God.
FWH, BS (me), 43
BS, FWW, 42
DS 20, 13
PAs With W's Sister's Friend & Prostitute - SF Only (me), 1992-93
Married July 1994
Hit On W's Underage Sister & Close Friends, 1996-98
I Confessed Everything, Spring 1998
My D-Day, Jan. 2007
She Moved Out, Feb. 2007
Filed For D 4/18/07 For Legal Protection, Did Not Pursue
FWW Moved Back Home 08/05/07
Status: I'm Not Sure
(original thread of my sitch lost)
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