* "You forced my hand again to divorce you by all your threats to divorce me. The deciding factor was to make sure I get custody of the boys and keep the home that they've known all their lives. I want to make certain they continue to have stability in their lives. Also, I'm accepting that this is what you truly want, and am freeing you from me to go seek out true happiness."

* "I am still open to the possibility of reconciliation should you want to. My hope has been all along anyway that we renew our vows in a restored marriage, and this divorce will just make that instead be a whole brand new marriage, between two brand new people, with a whole new set of vows."

* Keep a big gulf of emotional distance b/w us, only talking biz. Make myself available should she ever need true help, and allow her to get my attention if she decides to share something w/ me. Talk outside of biz will all be initiated by her, NOT me. If she initiates, then just simply listen. Continue learning how to become a good listener. Repeat back her *feelings* of what she's trying to say, DON'T attempt to try to solve anything or give advice unless asked to, DON'T criticize or judge, DON'T get angry, DON'T get emotional, DON'T get needy. DO give her UNDIVIDED ATTENTION, DO listen intently and make mental notes, DO show genuine concern & care.

* No longer say "I Love You", simply show it by my actions, and only if necessary, say "I care about you".

* "I'm genuinely interested in you going back to school so that you finally follow your dream. I want to see you succeed and become truly happy by accomplishing something positive for yourself."

* DO NOT in any way take part in negatively impacting her relationship w/ the boys. NEVER badmouth their mother. Explain that we're divorcing b/c mommy does not want to be married to daddy anymore. Explain that we both made mistakes and hurt each other. Daddy wants to be with mommy, but mommy would rather be alone or with another man that with daddy.

* DO NOT allow her to drag me into arguments over my actions in response to her infidelity. If need be, reply only with "I'm doing what I believe is right".

* Hang up on her or leave immediately if she becomes verbally abusive.

* PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE.

I'm really struggling with how to tell my kids, especially my 11 yr. old. I don't know if it's wise to tell him about their mom's cheating, if he's old enough to handle such a revelation. I tend to agree with the opinions I've read here that kids can handle the truth, and it shouldn't be sugar coated, but then should I burden the mind of an 11 yr. old with such information???

Also, if I were to tell my DS11 about their mom's infidelity, I of course will admit to my own past infidelity.