Hi, this is confusing. Am I reading too much into this?

FWW and STBX has recently been calling me just to say "hi" or to share something minor that she saw on the news, TV, Radio, etc. Chit-Chat. She previously did this daily when we were married and "in love", but not for the past year or so.

I still Love her and would like to try and work things out. That has been something she's never been willing to do. She moved out and has been clear that there is no love for me anymore. In addition she's been dating a man the past 5 months who spoils her rotten (trips, gifts, etc). Say's she's in love with him.

We have been separated for 8 months and the D is very close to finalizing. Issues such as our child, property, assets and debts have been agreed upon. Cash is the only negotiating thing right now.

Questions for people who were/are ****** bent on ending marriage........Did you ever call your STBX for no reason? Daily? Were you feeling things out for a reconciliation? Or just out of friendship?

I would like to ask her directly, but I don't want to end a friendship or jeopardize any future.

I think she's fishing, trying to keep you on the hook.

Could be she's bored w/ new guy, or things are fizzling out, or whatever, but something is rotten in Denmark and she wants to make sure you are there if and when things fall apart.

That's my take based on your info above, b/c unless there are children involved, there should be no reason for her to contact you, especially if she's so in love and truly happy w/ new guy.

Be careful

My ex did this also after she left me for the OM. I think they do it so that they can somehow, in their own minds, convince themselves that they are still decent, good people. They like to think that everything is OK between the betrayed spouse and themselves. It isn't, but they need to manufature a lie to pretend that it is. So, all of a sudden they get friendly again.

I think the same...
If she had no that guy beside her, that might be a different story...

Interestingly enough, I've recently been going through the same type of thing. This is after my exwife divorced me in 2004.

Suddenly, she's begun calling about 1 time per week or so. Chit chat. Just casual stuff, although last night she called to tell me her mother had broken her hip + another girl in town she had run into at the grocery store & the other girl had used the term "when High Flight and I were dating".

My exwife said that really bothered her to hear those words. that she thought that was really tacky of this other lady....

Anyway, I'm not sure what to make of it either???

Guilt-action?
Trying to become OK?
Doesn't want me, but doesn't wany anyone else to have me either?
?????

I really don't know what to make of it, but by & large I'm not convinced it is anything authentic & designed to get us back together.

Thoughts?
High Flight

I received numerous calls from my XWH before we were divorced. There were times that he was chatty and friendly. Other times, he was cool and removed. It was always a mind bender trying to understand where he was coming from. On one occasion, he was even talking about possible reconcilliation. It was during the same time period that I discovered that he had an over-night friend on all the nights that he didn't have our girls.
Because of this and numerous other deceptions by him, I learned to not get hopeful even when he was friendly and responsive. I think it's really difficult to know what our former spouse's motivation is, especially when there has been infidelity in the past. It could be guilt,making sure we're still there, or a number of other possible scenarios. It sounds as if your exwife still doesn't like the idea of you being with anyone else, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's ready to reconcile.
One thing I've learned over the years is that I can never quite know or understand what is going on in my exhusband's mind. I'm trying to learn to not expend a lot of time or energy figuring him out, a tough habit to break after so many years of trying to do so. : ) You are wise to be cautious.

The weekend after we signed our mediation agreement and about a week before our final court date, my X called talking all sweet and friendly. He also mentioned that he didn't know how he could do what he signed in the mediation agreement because OW is pregnant. Sounded like he was about to cry. I suspect it was more of an attempt to take advantage of my good heart and con me, rather than reaching out in a dificult time.

Thanks All.

Here's an update. I still have no clear answer to her activity, but I do know I screwed up and probably ruined any chance for reconciliation.

WW and her BF went out of town this past weekend. They are going on another week long vacation together next week.

Out of jealousy and grief, I ended up drinking heavily this weekend (was alone, no kids). I called her. I got pretty upset. After she hung up, I called back and left a nasty message (no profanity, just stupid ramblings of a drunk).

Now she tells me that any hope of a friendship is gone and the only communications we will have is regarding our DD and divorce.

Ah well, time and actions will heal wounds..........hopefully

Bless your heart. I've been exactly where you are. Try not to be too hard on yourself. When my x was getting up with me like that I was hoping we might actually work things out. Little did I know (at that time) that the only reason he bothered to get up with me is because the other 'women' weren't available at the time and he knew he had to keep contact with me during the day if he had any hopes of "getting any" out of me when they weren't around.

Like I said, don't beat yourself up over it. You see what you did as wrong and will probably not be nearly as likely to let something like that happen again. You do have to learn how to love yourself again before you can love anyone else again.

Take care and I'll pray for you!

RMW