"right thing" <~~~ do you mean morally correct?

Go ahead please.

go ahead what?

Yes I guess morally is that the same as kindness?

~~Is it morally correct to have an affair and divorce my much older wife after 20 years?~~ single choice
	Yes
	No
Votes accepted starting: 04/19/07 07:59 PM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

Did you tell her this before you started up your affair?

Are you trying to impregnate your affair partner?

Is your affair partner married?

Does she know that you are married?

This age thing isn't a key issue.

Name the key issue MOT.

committed

Go ahead and Let's discuss ethical issues.

Mot - You must know that an honorable man would not betray his wife and break his vows by having an affair, and then want a divorce on top of it. It also shows that your affair partner is not an honorable woman.

No i did not tell her this when I started up the affair. we have talked about it after.
I'm not trying to impregnate and we have quit seeing each other or talking outside of work where we met.

Affair partner is not married. She is divorced with 2 children.
Yes she knows I am married.
you do not think the age difference is key. I do think it is part of the reason. It got to me always having to explain my wife is not my mother. Also I never had children and did not think it bothered me until my stepo daughter moved in and had a baby.
Also since we have been seperated I have been taking care of my elderly mother at her home. I think it scared me and then I pictured caretaking my wife next. I know it might be a selfish type of thinking but can I deny it is there?

That might be true and one of the biggest reasons its been such a hard time and feeling guilty. Is everything so black and white. How can you deny your feelings and go back and start again? Maybe it can be done with alotof hard work?

Depends on your ethics. I took my wedding vows and meant them. My husband took them, and didn't.

You will need to examine your core beliefs. If honor is not that important to you, then I guess you have no problem.

Hi, everyone.

I don't know if this is a troll issue or not, but I have seen this same scenario presented on another message board some time back.

Gimble

mot, mot, mot…my dear mot,

You already know adultery is wrong.

You know it is immoral.

You know it is unethical.

You know it harms innocent people, and you should know it harms you – and permanently, too.

What else is there to say to you?

Oh, right, I almost forgot, marriage is for life. You said so in your vows, your promises. You staked your soul on it, you know.

Your situation is not even close to being unique or special. No marriage is throwaway, no matter what you may feel about it now.


With prayers,

PS: So, tell me the truth, mot. Did your marriage start as an affair?

PPS: What if you were to divorce her and give her everything. Walk away with only the shirt on your back. No home, no bank account, no furniture, no car, absolutely nothing. Plus, provide spousal support for the rest of her life. She will deserve it, in any case. Would that assuage your guilt?

I guess honor is important to me. That is why I came to this web site and have looked for answers elsewhere. I have not stoped thimking about and being deppressed about this for the whole period we have been apart. Earlier in the week my wife and I talked and she wanted to sign the divorce papers because it is too painful to drag on any longer. I could have said fine and I got what I wanted. But it did not feel right and I wanted to go to a marrige counsler. she only wanted to go if it was for reconsiliation. I said it was to figure that out. Did you and your husband get divorced, How long were you married. Does honor mean you keep your vows no matter what? I will examine my core beliefs. In fact I have not stoped for the past 6 months. It is like a little voice in my head all the time.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> *THUD* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

What is a troll issue?

Our marriage did not start as an affair. She was divorced twice before marrying me.

Take some time to think about your core beliefs. That little voice in your head is your conscience.

My husband and I dated for 5 years and were married for 15. He left me for another woman. I tried to save the marriage for 3 and a half years. He was adamant that he had met his "soulmate". Our divorce was final in December, and he and the other woman broke up about 2 weeks later.

We raised 6 children together, plus 2 of his step-children. Now it is all over, and for nothing.

Thank you for your remarks and i will keep listening to my little voice. Has he regreted it and wanted to come back or would you not have him back anymore? Was you relationship good up until the affair?

Truer words have never been spoken...As a FWS, I can assure you that your decision to have an affair will damage you more than you could ever believe...There aren't words to express just what it does to you at your core...STOP THE AFFAIR...If you hear nothing else, please heed this advice...No one ever regrets doing the RIGHT thing...

What you are doing to your wife is BEYOND CRUEL...Are you a cruel person? Continuing to have an affair makes you one you know...Take a step towards regaining your integrity...STOP THIS...And if your wife will have you, spend the rest of your life doing all that you can to help her heal from what you've done to her...It is most definitely possible to fall back in love with your wife...It is a choice...All you have to do is make the ONLY right choice here...Will you?

Mrs. W