This roller coaster ride is intense as most of you know. Just when you think things are looking up then there is a period of really down.

I spoke with a friend who spoke with my husband and he revealed some things to her that he would never share with me. He is really hurting right now.

If he's telling me the truth he hasn't had contact with OW for about seven weeks, which is the longest period of time since DDay. We are at a critical point in our recovery right now. He's out of town on business and it has been common for him to contact OW when he's out of town. I'm sitting here scared to death that he will break his resolve and weaken and call her just so he can get his OW fix, conversation, laughter, connection, all that stuff that he gets from her.

He has definitely withdrawn from me over the past week or so. It's been so painful. Just when we make progress, then we take some backwards steps.

I called him tonight with the hope that he would open up to me. He was belligerent and impatient, which tells me he's hurting big time.........OR he's contacted her and is feeling guilty. I have learned how his behavior reflects when he is doing something he doesn't want me to know about. During his A his behavior was similar to what I have been experiencing from him these past couple of days.

So yes, I'm scared that he has broken his resolve. Or perhaps not and he just needs to get through this very difficult time. I want to believe that he is being faithful to me.

What can I do to help him through this time? I'm desperate to help him, but don't want to do something wrong and cause him to withdraw from me more. Detachment might be the best thing right now. I'm not sure what to do.

LHF, I would verify that contact ever ended. You cannot take the word of a liar and can see where that has got you in the past. But you already know that and have known it for a long time, haven't you?

I am so sorry you choose to live like this. You have enabled your H's affair for a very long time, LHF, when will this ever end?

Have you ever considered utilizing Marriage Builders principles?

I suspect this is your biggest problem, you believe what you WANT to believe, instead of the truth, which helps you avoid ever taking any action. That is conflict avoidance at its very worst. It seems like it would be an avoidance of conflict, but it really is the opposite, isn't it?

Avoiding conflict, in reality, causes more conflict. When you run from conflict, it runs after you.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say I avoid taking any action. I have read Harely's books and have utilized Marriage Builders principles.

Since we don't live near OW anymore and haven't for a year they have not seen each other. I don't know what else to do to ensure there has been no contact.

Harely says I should ask if there has been contact and if my husband is honest with me I should say thank you for telling me. How can I tell if he's being honest with me about emailing or phoning her? I can't. I just have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

He is living with me and trying to move forward.

I don't believe I am avoiding conflict. When something is on my mind I make the opportunity to discuss it with him knowing that it may make for a difficult conversation, but I certainly can't and won't carry it around with me so that it rots my guts out.

I have reread the chapter on withdrawal symptoms and from what I can see it seems that my husband is experiencing some intense withdrawal at this time. If he can hold out from contacting OW I have hope that we will see the other side of this nightmare.

So are you saying that contact never ended? Even though he tells me that it has finally. Are you saying that it is time to go to plan B? What if I have no proof that there has been ongoing contact? What if I go to plan B and in reality he's just experiencing withdrawal?

I have exposed, I have contacted OW's husband and he has access to her phone and email records. He tells me if there has been contact. I suppose they can at any time open up a new and secret email account. They can at any time get secret cell phones.

Taking action is what I have done. What more can I do?

I have to agree with MelodyLane.

Firstly, you're not in recovery. This is still on ongoing affair. I've read through your entire history and you've been helping him through 'withdrawal' for nearly 12 months! And in all that time the longest he's gone without contact is 7 weeks? Just because they aren't seeing each other physically doesn't mean the affair is over. A 2 minute phone conversation means it's still going on.

He's treating you like a door mat. At the moment I'd say he thinks you'll put up with anything. You've told him a number of times what you will and won't put up with over the last 12 months, but you're actions are telling him something different. I'm no expert, but I'd say 12 months is FAR too long for Plan A in a continued affair.

What can you do? Do everything you can to get the final proof of whether contact continues. Hire a PI if you have to! You deserve the truth!

We know this is so hard, but I'd hate to see you in this same position in another 12 months. Again, ask the experts, but I'd assume Plan B, IF the affair hasn't ended, is in the near future.

I'm truly sorry for what you're going through.

Yes, I agree, a two minute phone call means the A continues.

If anyone can find me a bag of $100.00 bills I will go out and hire a PI today.

Therein lies my dilemma. I want the complete truth, but have no real way of finding out.

I'm hoping counseling will help him to get past OW. If not it looks like a plan B is in order.

What about following him? What about following her? What about putting a recorder in his car? There is always a way to find out the truth. It might take a bit of thinking outside the box but there are soooo many people on here that can help you in giving you ideas about snooping. Again, I can't really help with that stuff...I just prayed for the truth to be revealed and it was...every single time...in only God-given ways!! There is absolutely going to be a way for you to find out the truth. But you'll need to be brave and have the courage to take the steps. And once you know what the truth is about this affair, you'll be empowered to start making some real decisions about your life and what you are and aren't willing to continue to tolerate.

Can you snoop in your husbands email? Do you know how to look at the history on your pc?

LHF, your H has been in constant contact all this time with the OW, and most likely still is. The only evidence you have he is not is what he tells you, and you know he lies. Plan A is not meant to be a way of life that only serves to ENABLE the WS. You have simply become his enabler by putting up with this for so very long. You are setting yourself up for a nervous breakdown and/or years of post traumatic stress disorder.

If this is not a case for Plan B, I simply don't know what is. Your H has absolutely no motivation to end his affair. Not only that, but you have been dealing with an ongoing affair now for TWELVE MONTHS at least.

I would do a huge tsunami exposure, get all your financial ducks in a row, file seperation and then go into Plan B. If you keep this up much longer, there will be nothing left and you will be on the verge of nervous breakdown, if you aren't already.

You say you exposed to the OWH, what about his parents, your parents, his employer, friends, your children?

More conflict avoidance. Counseling is cute, but a complete waste of time with someone in an affair. Counseling is for those who are interested in RECOVERY and your H is not. Your H is not in recovery and not even close. He won't be until his affair is over and he has NO MOTIVATION to end his affair. He can have a harem if he wants and there will be NO CONSEQUENCES.