My wife and I have been married for 6 years now, and have 2 kids (3 year old son and 6 month old daughter). Our sex life has never been right since our wedding day, and it’s all my fault. My libido has always been low. I was never in the mood and always had excuses for not having sex. She tried for years and it hurt her deeply, some nights she would even cry. She thought I didn’t love her, I would tell her otherwise, but she wouldn’t believe me. Now she has given up, and she is emotionally distancing herself from me. She tells me now that she “doesn’t feel the same about me anymore” , and that she “doesn’t love me anymore”. She says that the only reason she is still with me is because of the kids. I have started to look into reasons why I have a low libido. I have had medical testing, which has come back negative. So the causes are psychological, i.e. low self esteem and body image issues. I bought a book called, “The Sex Starved Marriage” that goes into details about my issues and how to fix them. But now I can’t try to do better sexually because she told me recently that she doesn’t even want to have sex anymore because when we do it’s awkward (btw,it's been 5 months since the last time). So it’s like we are at a stalemate. She doesn’t love me enough or feel emotionally bonded to me to have sex with me. But I feel that if we started to have sex again we could start repairing our relationship, as that was the void that has driven us apart. I have been trying to meet her other needs to bring her closer to me (i.e. being more affectionate…). I own "His Needs, Her Needs" and have read it. I am trying to meet all her needs and am trying not to make any withdrawls from her love bank only deposits as to mend our relationship.
There is also another worry I have. If things weren’t bad enough, I am afraid that she could be getting involved in an emotional affair with a coworker. I could be wrong, and could be blowing things out of proportion… I hope I am. I just know I need to fix things fast before things get out of control or something bad happens.
Can anyone suggest what I can do to end this stalemate? It’s so ironic that I am now in the position that my wife was in before. I love her so much.. I can’t imagine losing her.
