I am 28 years old. Been together with my husband for 7 years, married 5. we have a 2 year old daughter. I married him because I knew that he was marriage material. I cared for him deeply, but I do not have the love that a wife should have for her husband. Before him, I was deeply in love (and still am) with Dan. I ended things with him because of foolish reasons. My heart has never recovered from that loss and not a single day has gone by where I have not thought, dreamt or missed him. About 8 months ago he contacted me through classmates.com and we met for a drink. He is also married with a 2 year old. He confessed that he married his wife immediately after me because I would not marry him and that he was on a "BRINK". He also admitted still being in love with me and thinking of me and "US" frequently. We kept things on a friendship level, but ended out communication due to his wife finding out and becoming out raged with jealously. About 2 weeks ago, I called him. We met and again, we professed our love for eachother. The only thing that has changed for me is that I am at a point where I am ready for a divorce because I dont want to live my life regretfully. He, however, wants to leave his wife but says that he just wants this marriage to run its course. He also told me that he dosent love her, but feels obligated to try to work things out for the sake of their daughter. We have also slept together twice. Am I just waiting for something that will never happen?? He has mentioned several times that he wished his wife would "find out" about us, that way he could admit to her that he loves me and he is unhappy with her, but does he really mean that? The only thing that I can see that is keeping him with her is their financially security. She make good money and he has to pay child support for another child that he had in high schoool, so if he left her, he would be faced with 2 child support payments. I wish that I could get a MALE perspective about this. What will it take for him to leave her if he really loves me and is unhappy with her????

You know, you will NEVER live a life without regrets. If you don't regret one thing, you regret another.

So, you're thinking about leaving a man to take up with another man....both of you cheating on your spouses? And you think making this decision will leave you with no regrets?

You are simply the other woman, there's no happy ending to your story.

He just told you all this to get you to drop your drawers so he could get some free, easy sex. And it worked! A married man is not going to leave his loving wife and child for a cheap piece of [censored], dear. I am sorry to be so harsh, but you are not marriage material and certainly not someone he would leave his wife over. He is just using you and will dump you when he tires of you.

He has already told you that he won't leave his wife for you. You should believe him because he won't. He is not that stupid.

Besides, wouldn't it be stupid to marry an unfaithful man? What he does to his wife, that he really does love, [he married HER, after all, and won't marry you] he will do to you. What he does with you, he will do TO YOU. Whyever would a sane person sign on for that? DUH! He "gets" that, why don't you?

In the meantime, you should tell your H that you have been having an affair so he can take steps to protect himself and your children from you. You are a danger to them and not to be trusted. He has a right to know the truth about his own marriage.

p.s as my momma always told me, "Mel, never put out for free." If you are going to put out, at least get some compensation since you know he would never leave his wife for you. I would get at least a $20 and maybe a nice dinner. Even a prostitute gets paid for her services; don't walk away empty handed. Don't put out for free!

You don't want to live YOUR life regretfully, but it's OK to leave your husband and child to live THEIR lives regretfully?
To leave your husband in pain and to try to separate him from his child? Actually, if you leave your husband, you should leave your child with him. Why should HE have to be separated from his child because you want to be with some no-good, cheating low-life?

Yes, Dan is a no-good, cheating low-life. He doesn't love you. If he loved you, he would NOT put you in the position of cheating on your husband. He would never have contacted you if he REALLY loved you.

It wouldn't surprise me a bit if he didn't contact you so he could seduce you and then dump you the way you dumped him years ago. I guess he got his revenge, didn't he?

You need to tell your husband, the REAL man in your life, about your affair, send Dan a no-contact letter that your husband approves and mails, and do not ever call, email, or see Dan again. Ask your husband to come to MB and post on the General Questions part of the Infidelity section. We can help him get through this, and we will help you get through this, too, IF you end your affair and want to make your marriage into one where BOTH you and your husband can be happy with each other.

Get counseling if you must to see why you have hung on to the fantasy of being with Dan all these years, and work on giving your husband the love that he deserves from you.

Love is a VERB. You can CHOOSE to love your husband by acting lovingly toward him...and surprisingly, the feelings of love will follow the loving actions.

Dump Dan before he dumps you. He is NOT marriage material!

Crvleon,

I am a man and extremely interested in helping!

Could you please post your picture or a link to your picture? Also an address for Dan would help.

I have an easy solution for you. If he wants his wife to know, you just go on up to her and tell her what you think. That he loves you and wants to leave her.

You just aren't doing it because you're lying to yourself as much as you two are lying to each other. You know that's not how it would shake out. He'd drop you like a hot coal and scurry back to where he really wants to be.

If he cheats WITH you, he'll cheat ON you.

And if you're cheating on your husband with this man, how long til you cheat on OM with somebody else?

Sorry ... it's homewrecking, plain and simple.

I wish I could say I understood, but I don't <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

JinGA

Two words come to mind here...

Pimp

Ho.

Get the picture.

Crvleon

What's wrong? Did you not like the TRUTH. See that is the problem with most people, they like to ask questions but when someone gives them the truth and it's not what they want to hear, they keep looking for the idiot who will agree with them no matter how terrible the advice. You don't want help or answers, you want someone to validate what you are doing.

I hope your husband finds out, divorces you, sues other man for alienation of affection after telling his wife about you and him, takes full custody of your child and leaves you to that philandering sh*t head so that he can use you until he's had his fill and then looks for the next flavor of the month.

It doesn't have to be this way but it will take you wanting to know the truth and to change in order for the above not to happen, imo

So obvious why this poster was here, eh? Just wanted someone to validate her sick little scheme...TOUGH STUFF...That won't happen here on MB, TOW is that way~~~> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

YOU contacted HIM again... because... never mind. That's pretty obvious. You go girl, you and he deserve each other. But why don't cha let your respective spouses know what's in store so THEY can plan accordingly. Oh, and leave the kiddos with the good guys. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Thank you for your response. Contrary to what most people had to say here- I am not a home wrecker, prostiture or otherwise. I just really want to thank you, Lady clueless and also you cinderella for keeping it real. Maybe I know all this, but sometimes you need to hear it for someone other than a friend. I have told my husband about the entire situation on Monday. I know that he loves me ALOT, but I cannot say that I share the same feelings, and I am sorry, but I just cannot help the way I feel. It is what it is. My husband thinks that this is all his fault, even though I assured him that it was all my doing. It was actually a fairly calm discussion. He wants us to work through this at any cost. As far as Dan, I told him that I told my husband everything and he was a bit shocked....but okay with it. I guess I just have to get over the feelings that I have for Dan, and the wanting to talk to him and see him..its kinda like a drug in a way. I just dont know how to overcome this addiction?

I have to get this out also, from everything I have read in these discussion forums and the overall website, I thought this was somewhere that anyone could come for help with their marital issues- not a place to get attacked by bitter people that clearly have not gotten over there issues in life. I am not saying that I am perfect, but I bared my thoughts and feelings to perfect strangers in hope for clarity and guideance, not to be judged, shunned and branded with the scarlett letter- will will all be judged by our own actions when the time comes, but we as human beings should not treat people in the manner and frankley, you have not business replying to comments if the are for the sole purpose of being hateful and insulting.

You do realize you're posting on MARRIAGE BUILDERS, don't you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

If you want advice on how to recover your marriage and yourself, you've definitely come to the right place. If not....well, it's bound to be a bumpy ride here.

Lori

ETA: You did the right thing by telling your H about your affair. That's a good first step.

What happened in your marraige two weeks ago that you had a sudden yearning to call DAN?

To be completely honest, I had been calling him here and there but never festered the courage to talk to him, so one night after a few glasses of wine, I called him from a restricted number and HE ANSWERED and I hung up, thought about it a minute and then called back and said hello. After our last encounter (which by the way was not physical at all) I could not shake the things he told me....the have been on my mind non stop. I guess it really didnt help that my intimate relationship with my H has never been satisfying for me and also the fact that my H had finally gone over the line with his disrespect towards my family.

Please tell about the problem you are having with your husband disrespecting your family.

Gag...please let's not chase the rabbit of the husband being disrespectfull to your family. I supposed when Crv cheated on her husband it was A-OK, because, after all, Dan is the Man!

End it with Dan. Work on your marriage. There's a lot of good material here. Take some time, read His Needs, Her Needs (you can order off this website); read the Five Love Languages (Amazon or bookstore).

Take a step back. Don't contact DAN any more. You will want to, you will yearn to, but don't. Read the material I have directed you toward and some of the other info on Affairs.

Right now you're in a fantasy world. Everything seems good with DAN. Fantasy doesn't last. There are things that you and your H can do to improve your marriage. Do those things. Stay away from DAN. Grow up. You're gonna make me barf all over my keyboard.

HL

My H grew up in with his mom, his parents divorced when he was 5 due to his dads infedility. Since there was not a male role model, and because he had no respect for his father, he dosent really have respect for most people. he feels that he must be respected FIRST before he can respect you??? My parents are very old fashioned and still together. It just seems like since day one with him and my dad, that they have been knocking heads. The last time this happened was about a month ago at our home. My dad noticed they way he acted towards me, short and rude, and he finally could not contain himself and calmly asked my H what the problem was? My H lost it and bucked up to my dad (who by the way is a small man) and asked my dad who the ****** he was trying to tell him (my H) how to run his life in his home. Then my H asked him if he wanted to take this "outside". I was in tears. My parents have never gotten envolved in our marriage and have always treated him like a son. I feel that my H has never out any effort to be the same way towards my family. This last time, I was just at the point where I was tired of being treated like I had been, and I would be damned if I would let someone talk to my family (who has always been there for us and tried to help us in any way possible) like that. The most painful thing inside me, its that right before I married my H, my dad told me that he wished I had been marrying Dan....and of course I did feel that deep inside as well, but I knew that he was married and thought that that was it.