How often is your husband short and rude toward you? How long has this been going in? Is it something new? What do you say and do when he acts this way? How do you usually react?

Off and on for about 2 years. I used to get upset, all emotional and cry and that would spin off into arguments, so I have learned to just ignore it. I am tired of being unhappy. I want to be a good mom and want my daughter to see me happy so she is happy. Before the whole Dan situation happened, I had already come to terms that this is as good as it gets. I figured I mind as well try to be thankful for each day that God gives me, be in the best mood possible and go day by day, even if it meant practically ignoring my husband in an effort to avoid his rude comments of agruements.

An affair to escape a bad marriage isn’t the answer. You know this already or you wouldn’t be here. But no one deserves to be treated badly in a marriage. It is up to you to learn how to make it stop. Your father should not have had to come to your aid. You need to learn how to protect your own boundaries.

If your husband says something that upsets you—his words, tone, whatever—it doesn’t matter what—if you feel ‘upset’ then you need to let him know in a respectful way that this is not the way you will be treated. How else will he learn? You have a moral obligation to honor yourself and your marriage. If you need help learning how to do this, we can help.

If you try and cannot make it better, then leave the marriage. After divorce, wait a year before you start dating. If you do it any other way, your next relatioship will be more troubled than this one. Marriage is hard enough--don't handicap yourself from the start.

Crvleon, the only one who is "hateful" and "insulting" is the lady in the mirror. You are being hateful and insulting to yourself, your children, your husband and the OM's wife and children with your affair. There are not any words we can say that would be as hateful and degrading as your own behavior. You can't expect others to show RESPECT that you surely don't demonstrate in any regard. There is nothing TO respect about an affair or stealing another womans husband.

One does not have to be "bitter" to understand how vile and filthy an affair really is. Any decent person will see it as such and rightly shun and condemn that behavior. Decent people are SUPPOSED to judge right from wrong; our prisons are full of those who can't and that is right where they belong. You should expect this reaction from any clear thinking, decent person.

You won't find much word mincing or pats on the back for cruel, inhumane behavior, [affairs] but you will find support for doing the RIGHT THING. We don't support filthy affairs here. We support marriages.

I am having a very hard time believing that your husband actually said he "was ok" with your affair. That does not ring true. Your husband has just - supposedly - received a shock that is traumatic as BEING RAPED, and he is ok with it? hmmm

Melody lane,
I am not asking for pats on the back or any applause for what I have done. As far as my H goes, whatever happens in our M can ring true of false to you or whatever you want it to "ring". Why would I lie about something like that? You dont know who I am? No one knows the real person behind these screen names. So why would I lie? Believe what you like, obviously this is some sort of sick hobby of yours (replying to peoples posts) that helps you feel validated in you small, probably unevenful life. I am not here to justify my actions to you. I came here for clarity, and maybe for guidence from someone who has been through something similar...what part of that do you not understand? As far as being judged, yes people can form opinions about others- that is thier God given right. I committed a sin and broke a vow, I am adult enough to understand the gravity of this, but this is not an action that merits the death sentance.

Like it or not Melody Lane, you and I are both human, and this means that we are capable of ****** up royally. Yes I committed adultry, but I am not asking for your forgiveness. And yes you were hateful with your little "prostitute" commentary.



I guess this just makes you feel better about the person you are or the experiance that you went through. I get it, you were probably cheated on. I am sorry for whatever tramatic experiance you went throught that has made you so judgemental to the point where you fee superior towards others. Whatever the case, life is a learning ground, people make mistakes and either learn from them or live the rest of their lives trying to forget about it. I want to learn from this. FOR THE LAST TIME, I KNOW THAT WHAT I DID WAS WRONG. I told my husband and he still wants me and wants us to work through this...I told him about MB and he said that he may check it out. I have ordered some books that another poster suggested in order to help figure some more things out.

I guess that it just boils down to this...as the end of the day, I can still sleep at night and look at myself in the mirror in the morning. Life goes on.

Crvleon, hopefully, YOU can "judge" that what you did was wrong. It doesn't take being cheated on to discern right from wrong. If you can't, then that would indicate your own glaring lack of remorse. Yes, we are all "human" but that is not supposed to be used as a rationalization for bad behavior.

My comment about the prostitute was only hateful to a prostitute. Having an affair is much worse, and if you can't see that, then you are seeing your affair through rose colored glasses. My apologies to prostitutes.

I have no idea why you would lie about telling your husband, but your story that he said your affair was no big deal doesn't ring true. So, I hope he does come here and reads your post.

Instead of coming here and talking about your husbands faults, why not OWN your behavior and focus instead on ending your affair and making amends to your victims? You are not going to get very far focusing on your HUSBANDS faults when you have much more serious issues of your own that need to be addressed. Recovery starts WITH YOU and you won't get there by looking at others.

Such as, what is it about you that allowed to cross the line into such cruel, selfish entitlement of an adulterous affair? You cannot begin to recover and REDEEM yourself until that is addressed. And you ain't going to get there focusing your attention on the faults of OTHERS or sweeping it under the rug with bullcrap rationalizations like "we are all human." Yes, we are "all human" but we are not all adulterers.

Adultery is as traumatic as a RAPE, and your husband has - supposedly - received the equivalent of RAPE. Instead of rendering first aid to your bleeding victim on the floor, you are here talking about how HE has no respect. Good grief. How about owning your own very disrespectful behavior first and rendering some first aid to the bleeding victim on the floor?

And please do send your husband here. Show him your thread here and then send him over to General Questions II where he will get lots of help.

You are a very Blessed woman to have a father who will call your husband into account for how he treats you as his wife, THAT is a fathers role.

Your father sounds like a very wise man, and one who desires
your husband to grow up and be a man, and to take the vows he took on his wedding day seriously...To honor, to cherish and to love you..

as Iron sharpens Iron it takes a man calling another man into account before he can begin to really mature...which is what it sounds like your father was trying to do..and your husband acting like the little boy inside that he is...reacted in a childish way...by getting mad and wanting to 'duke it out'.

And in that you husband has taken the time to think about things..(at least from what you said) maybe this is what it will take for him to begin to make those changes and begin to mature in the man he should be.

Crv, most of us on the Boards have been hurt by cheating spouses. Getting past the bitterness is a difficult journey. Personally, I am working through the hurt of my H's EA and our D. There are lifelong consequences to cheating and breaking up a family. Our son suffers some of them, as much as we are polite and civil to each other and as much as we do not rip each other up when he is with us.

That said, you have come to a place where we have years of experience singly and as a group. We have interesting lives. Melody has an interesting, successful and meaningful life. Maybe if more waywards got hit upside the haid with a 2X4 when they went looking for sympathy and support for their affairs, they would have backed out and gone back to fixing their marriages or left their married crushes alone.

And there would be a lot fewer broken homes and broken hearted children.

If you want support to get Dan to leave his wife for you, try the cheaters boards. Those women spend years justifying their behavior and they always welcome newbys.